7yo often home alone in the morning, WWYD? If anything?

[Hufflepuzzpig]

I genuinely don't know. Neighbour's DS (nearly 8 but acts very young for his age) always goes in the car with his mum in the evening to pick up his dad from work, and he's not allowed to stay home/on the shared front lawn on his own while his mum goes.

In the mornings though, DH has noticed the DS is never with them, so the mum comes back and then takes him to school. I guess he must still be asleep or just doesn't get dressed on time or doesn't want to go.

Is that ok at that age? I wouldn't leave a 7yo home alone, but I expect many do and I don't think it's as terrible as DH does. He is generally more paranoid/helicoptery than me though. I know it's a really subjective issue, and the age at which parents let DCs be home alone varies massively.

I'd be happy for him to just come over for that time (about 30mins) in the mornings, even if he's in his PJs, should I suggest it? We don't know the parents that well, they are lovely but very shy and his mum in particular struggles with English. I could suggest it to the DS though, he likes it here.

I guess what I'm basically asking is - is nearly-8 old enough for this to be absolutely none of my business and I (and DH!) should chill because it's fine? Or is it a bit young to be home alone even for a short time?

I would probably offer to have the son if its not going to put you out and they can have him up and ready

If they had him "up and ready" then they would take him with them, wouldn't they? I think it's obvious that the kid is still in bed at that hour, and that is their preference. So sending him to a neighbour defeats the purpose.

I am not an irresponsible mother. SS wouldn't have approved me three times to adopt my children were that the case.

His temp is stable, his spots aren't scabbed over and so he is contagious. His sibs - one older, one younger - have had it. He contracted chicken pox from little sis who is now back in school so neither of them are contagious.

Yes I do know other mothers of course. One who lives reasonably close and who could walk them all the way - she couldn't drive them as she has a 4 seater car! Assuming the weather isn't as awful as it is today then that's a possibility.

The point I was trying to make is that it's not always clear cut. As it is my dh will probably re-arrange his working schedule so that he can either be at home with DS2 or take the others to school - but not everyone can do that. It doesn't make other mums irresponsible.

I find it completely incomprehensible that somebody would not let their child stay inside when they were gardening or hanging the washing out! Is that really what you're saying? "NO, you cant carry on reading/finsih your picture - mummy wants to go outside so you have to too" REALLY?

Natters. Op doesnt know if the boy is up and ready or still in bed
unless she can see through walls.

walesblackbird the sentence I used containing the word irresponsible started with the word "if". I was not saying that you are irresponsible and I sincerely apologise if it came over that way. How far is the school? If it's walkable, why should the weather matter? My mother didn't have a car, My brothers and sister and I walked four miles to primary school, whatever the weather. I think modern parents mollycoddle their children just as much as us "old fashioned" parents do, just in different ways!

seeker, if I were hanging out washing, the child would be coming to help, if they wanted to finish their book, they could finish it outside, in the garden. It's just not healthy for children to fester inside when the weather is good. I would never get paints out on a fine day, why waste a perfectly good rainy day activity when the weather is nice?

Perish the thought that your child might actually want to paint! How old are they, by the way?

My mother was a SAHM and I have no recollection of her dragging me away from my play/homework etc every time she needed to pop down the corner shop or have a quick word with the neighbours about something. Or for that matter calling me in from the garden at the age of 7 every time she needed to do something indoors.

As I remember the days of my childhood, children beyond toddler age were expected to spend a lot of time out of doors, but mothers were busy with housework and did not have the time to do so.

Good grief-I couldn't have waited to have left home if I had to go and help my mother get the dustbins out, drop my book and hang the washing out-go in the garden when she decreed it was nice weather!

I left mine inside to hang out washing when they were preschool age.

Cory as I said, I would be out playing most of the time at the age of seven, with a crowd of other children either on the green, in full view of the surrounding houses, or in someone's garden with that parent in attendance. I wouldn't have wanted to be indoors in good weather, I read a lot, was quite a bookworm, my mother used to watch me come down the stairs reading with her heart in her mouth, she told me! Nevertheless, if I could be outside, books could wait! We didn't have homework until we went to secondary school, children were allowed to be children!

exoticfruits my "children" are 20, 18 and 16. They are confident young adults with a well developed sense of responsibility. They enjoy being at home in the holidays, though they do go off on various trips with friends from time to time which they also relish doing. They certainly are neither, tied to my apron strings, nor looking to make excuses not to spend time at home!

Fifis25StottieCakes I never mentioned the OP. It matters not whether she knows or not. Read what I wrote again:

"If they had him "up and ready" then they would take him with them, wouldn't they? I think it's obvious that the kid is still in bed at that hour, and that is their preference. So sending him to a neighbour defeats the purpose"

Ive read what you have wrote thanks

Maybe he just doesnt want to sit in the car or hes watching tv, i dont know im not there so i dont know if hes up.

I just 'suggested' the op could ask if she needed her to watch him, if thats ok with you

And not "perish the thought" that my child might have wanted to paint. Perish the thought that my children grew up thinking that they could do just what they wanted whenever they wanted!

It's good that children help with chores according to their age and ability, even a two year old can hand up pegs and if, as mine always were, they are different colours, can learn their colours at the same time! I don't understand the mentality that says, young children must be kept away from chores because it's quicker and easier to do things without them "under my feet". I loved doing stuff with the children "helping" even if it did take longer, and children raised this way don't see these things as a chore in the way we do, to them it's just learning and exploring!

Fifis25StottieCakes Well, obviously none of us is there, I am only speculating. But since he goes with his mother later in the day, it seems to me that if he was "up and ready" then he would go with them in the morning. Hence my deduction that he is still in bed. In which case, the only really useful offer would be to babysit in his own house. Because then he wouldn't have to get up any earlier.

When I said 'what would you do if you were gardening and your 7yr old was inside' I had no idea that people would never be in the garden and the DCs outside!
I just don't see how you do it, without endless arguments. I am just trying to imagine the frustration of me at 7yrs, a real bookworm, being curled up in my room with a good book to have my mother say 'you must leave it and help me peg the washing'-why? I could see some sense if she told me it was my chore and sent me out to do it but it would have been deeply frustrating to have had to do everything together. Even more frustrating to find that I couldn't go to the shop for her by myself or she had to meet me from school. (it would have been very strange-when I was 7 yrs no one was met from school unless in the infant class)
How do you cope with yours going on holiday on their own frantic-or wondering where they are at 2am? What age did you start working towards it? I get fairly shocked by parents who suddenly relax everything at 14yrs, I prefer the slow build up.

Sorry -in garden and DCs inside.

can't leave a seven year old in the house to hang out washing?

can this be true?

Re: leaving them in the house whilst you hang out washing - from around 5 years, I've just worked the basis of shouting distances. So long as I can hear my 7 year old scream/shout, then I will venture to the dustbin/washing line/bathroom and leave him with his book. I do keep a closer eye on the 4 year old - mind you, I seem to spend more time rescuing him anyway. Last week he got stuck on a windowsill while I was in the loo.

Is this STILL going round in circles? !

Is this STILL going round in circles? !

By the time they were 7 they would have been given the chore of hanging out the washing and the washing line was right outside the kitchen window. Mine were all born within 4 years of one another and were, and still are, a very sociable bunch. The girls were bookworms but.if really engrossed in a book, would much rather read on the swing or on the veranda of the wendy house than in the house when the weather was good, especially if the rest of us were busy in the garden. They all liked helping in the garden even when "helping" meant dumping soil over the paths or, later, digging up the plants and leaving the weeds carefully alone!

Maybe it would have been different if I had had an only child or bigger gaps but they wanted to be with one another and with me when they were small. In wet weather when they were indoors, I'd still find them all sitting around the kitchen table with their books if I was baking or huddled together on beanbags in the playroom if I wasn't in the kitchen.

I have said time and time again, that I realise that one can't keep children 100% safe all the time, but I think the more you leave primary age children unsupervised then the more you are increasing the odds that they could have a nasty accident and languish for too long before being discovered. It's not a risk I would take with my children, they are too precious. [shrug]

My kids have been going to music courses in the holidays for a week or more at a time since they were about 9/10 years old. They were supervised, obviously but without mummy to lean on, they had to learn to get along with other kids 24/7, to organise themselves and behave sensibly and responsibly. Not unique to music courses obviously, sports courses, cubs, brownies, pony club, whatever floats your boat.

They were at boarding school from the age of 13 and were not allowed to be "in house" that is to say, in the boarding house, without a member of staff or a sixth-former present, until they, themselves were in year 11, so 15 years old. They were allowed to go into town in free time but, until sixth form had to go with another pupil from their own year or a sixth former. (Groups of 3 minimum until year 10)

I, too, prefer a slow build up and I think that staying alone at home, even for just 30 minutes, at the age of 7 is too much too soon, that's all.

When my DC are at home and out until 2am (the older two, the youngest wouldn't be out until that time unless she was staying over with someone, prearranged, or was with her brother or sister) I know that, if they are driving, they will not drink, and if they do drink, it will be because they have arranged to stay over with someone during the course of the evening, that that person will be known to them and trusted by them and that they will phone me to let me know that their arrangements have changed so that I don't worry.

If they get into any difficulty, have money stolen or lost they know that I will turn out for them no matter the time, the weather, or whether or not I was in bed or asleep. I might add that if I am out and get caught in some mishap that either of my elder two are happy to do the same for me and I will always let them know if my plans change so they don't worry about me.

When they are away from home I know that I can trust them to behave sensibly, so I try not to think about where they may be, it's their lives, after all.

Mine are exactly the same frantic-so the different methods got to the same place. We are all different-there isn't a right or wrong way.

exotic I wasn't for one moment trying to say, "look what a good parent I am and you aren't, look how wonderful my grown up children have turned out" [smug] Far from it, I have felt that I have needed to defend myself from the insinuations, mainly from you and seeker, that I am, or have been, an overbearing mother whose children must hate her and can't wait to leave home! And all simply because I don't believe any seven year old is capable of reliably dealing with any crisis or accident that may arise whilst home alone. For stating that I would be never leave them in a situation where they couldn't access me in person, not by phone, especially not if I was driving. That I wouldn't trust a neighbour to be 100% available by phone, what if something happens that makes the child anxious, they phone neighbour and neighbour happens to be in the loo? If a neighbour is to be "on hand" for a child, why not just pop the child round there?

I have said time and time again that the figures show children of seven are more likely to have an accident in the home than an older child. Have acknowledged that leaving them alone doesn't automatically mean they will have an accident or need help but that it increases the odds of such a situation and why would any loving parent increase the odds of their child being "unsafe"? Kids of 7 and 8 are just that, kids, and I don't think they should be given that kind of responsibility for themselves. As an absolute emergency, it may be excusable, but to plan for them to do this on a regular basis I believe is irresponsible and, I repeat, I would have no sympathy whatsoever for the parent of a child who came to some grief under such circumstances.

The 'village raising a child' idea is that the whole community are close knit enough to know each other and their DCs well enough to share responsiibility and help each other out, not watch each other from afar making assumptions and jumping to conclusions. If the OP lived in such a community the mum who is leaving her child would be able to say "if I'm not back by such and such a time/or if you need anything just pop over to OP's house," The child would know you well enough to feel comfortable doing this. Alas, I think there are fewer and fewer communities like this.