7yo often home alone in the morning, WWYD? If anything?

[Hufflepuzzpig]

I genuinely don't know. Neighbour's DS (nearly 8 but acts very young for his age) always goes in the car with his mum in the evening to pick up his dad from work, and he's not allowed to stay home/on the shared front lawn on his own while his mum goes.

In the mornings though, DH has noticed the DS is never with them, so the mum comes back and then takes him to school. I guess he must still be asleep or just doesn't get dressed on time or doesn't want to go.

Is that ok at that age? I wouldn't leave a 7yo home alone, but I expect many do and I don't think it's as terrible as DH does. He is generally more paranoid/helicoptery than me though. I know it's a really subjective issue, and the age at which parents let DCs be home alone varies massively.

I'd be happy for him to just come over for that time (about 30mins) in the mornings, even if he's in his PJs, should I suggest it? We don't know the parents that well, they are lovely but very shy and his mum in particular struggles with English. I could suggest it to the DS though, he likes it here.

I guess what I'm basically asking is - is nearly-8 old enough for this to be absolutely none of my business and I (and DH!) should chill because it's fine? Or is it a bit young to be home alone even for a short time?

I have already said that I think it is ok occasionally for a young secondary age child to be left for 30 minutes or so due to unforeseen circumstances (not all day, obviously). I repeat, it is a far cry from planning to leave a 7 yo on a regular basis.

Perhaps 13 is a bit old for some children who mature early and have lots of self-confidence but better to err on the side of caution. Very few 7 year olds will have the necessary maturity.

It's actually better for young secondary school children to learn independence by travelling to and from school alone. If there is a dedicated school bus, that's great, if not, at least the buses running routes passed schools will have a healthy contingent of school children on them. They will also have adults around, the vast majority of whom will be normal, caring folk who probably have, or have had, youngsters of their own. Few perverts would try anything on in so public a place so that scenario is infinitely safer imo. It's the being alone, possibly falling, being unable to get up due to unconsciousness, or being conscious but unable to move and therefore raise the alarm that would worry me. The figures show that more 7 year olds have accidents/falls in the home than 14 + why would you want to take the risk?

If my child has not fallen and knocked himself unconcious in the other 23 hours and 40 minutes, why is he more likely to do so in the 20 minutes he's alone?

And, actrually, if he fell and knocked himself unconcious when I was home it is highly likely it would take me more tha 20 minutes to notice. Wheraas when I come back from the bus stop run I always tell him I'm home, so would notice straight away!

I would think that if they are still in bed in the morning and you have not gone out you would assume they were asleep and not unconscious.

Women stay in alone with DCs and never worry about the 'what if'-they seem to think they are invincible. I know a woman who woke up one morning-sat up in bed, said 'I must feed the baby' and died of an aneurysm. What if her DH had been away?
Are women supposed to worry about 'what if I fell down the stairs' etc? It is all quite possible.
Your DC is much more likely to have an accident in the car with you, than have an accident in the 20 mins alone, and yet it doesn't stop you taking them in the car.
To me a neighbour is a babysitter-they just happen to need to be called-something a 7yr old can do.

joke not barrel scrape

wot all the others said

it'll be fine

I wouldn't do it, but that's because my ds2 is really very daft and he would find something highly dangerous to do.

It's your neighbour's call though - she obviously think it's OK, so I don't think you should interfere OP

I wouldnt do it either.Very irresponsible parenting....and if anything did happen,you only have yourself to blame.Simple.

Report her.

"Report here."

over-protective over-reaction

And we're back to my last point - neither side agrees with the other, so there's no point in offering valid points any more

And we're back to my last point - neither side agrees with the other, so there's no point in offering valid points any more

And we're back to my last point - neither side agrees with the other, so there's no point in offering valid points any more

It's not always straightforward. My 7 year old has chicken pox - is not very well and is absolutely covered head to toe. I have two other children whom I need to get to school in the morning so my choice is either leaving him in bed where's he comfortable and safe with the dog looking after him or hauling him out of bed, dressing him and insisting on him coming with me and run the risk of having him infect other children!

frantic51 Sun 17-Jul-11 09:05:52

"Although the NSPCC guidelines are not law, it is reasonable to assume that they have done their homework pretty well. Their recommendation that 13 is the age below which a child should not be left at home is, to my mind, a well thought out one."

There is one piece of homework they have not done. And that is finding out what after-school provision there is for this age group. Childminders tend not to want Yr 7 or Yr 8 children on their books, nurseries clearly don't take them, only a few schools offer after-school clubs and then often not late enough for them to be collected by their parents after work.

Should no mothers go back to work until their children reach upper secondary (14yo? 15y?).

Ime experienced SWs and teachers do not actually agree with the NSPCC guidelines.

"ravenAK Sun 17-Jul-11 04:38:12
The RoSPA figures suggest to me that a child between 5 & 14 is more likely to receive hospital treatment, after bashing its head, than a young adult. More reported injuries, not necessarily more accidents or more danger, & no correlation with children being left alone to sustain these injuries.

I'd expect a lot of those to be climbing frame/trampoline/play equipment related & to occur under adult supervision."

You put it better than me. Ime this is how accidents happen. I have never heard of a 12yo knocking himself unconscious whilst watching re-runs of Doctor Who.

The other thing to consider is that younger children are more likely to have an accident in the home simply because they spend more time there. Teenagers who are out all day are obviously less likely to have anything happen to them at home. I imagine that if we compared statistics from years ago with current ones, we would find that young people are now having a higher proportion of accidents in the home than they did 40 years ago; also, that a higher proportion of accidents are happening when they are supervised by parents. This would not prove either that homes have got more dangerous or that parents have got more feckless; it would be more likely to be a result of the fact that most children 40 years ago spent more time out and about than children do now, so were proportionately less likely to get into trouble at home.

You keep asking for valid reasons why it's not sensible to leave a 7yo every single morning. Valid reasons are being offered, but even rospa's figures are now being shrugged off.
Clearly NOTHING will change your opinion, so there's no longer any point in giving any more suggestions.

Valid reasons like what? Honestly, nobody has given me any. And as I said I think he's unlikely to knock himself unconscious while I'm out, but if he did, he would be found in no more than 20 minutes. If he knocked himself unconcsious in his bedroom while I was home. it could well be an hour or more before I though "Hmm, ds is quiet - I wonder why"

Unless you think children should never be unobserved at any time?

YEAR 7 and 8 are not AGE 7 and 8. Why do you suppose the Government will offer financial help to low paid workers with AGE 7 and 8 children if they need to pay for childcare??! Might it just be that, while it is not illegal to leave age 7 and 8 children unattended, it is generally not considered to be a good thing to do?

Agree with vmcd28 some folk just want to do what they want and be absolved of all responsibility should anything go wrong.

As to accidents in the home it's all about probability and increasing or decreasing that probability. Some of you are willing to increase it, fair enough.

As to not hearing an accident, my six year old fell down the stairs when I was in the house and I bloody well heard alright! You all deaf or just live in mansions?

frantic51 Sun 17-Jul-11 13:37:10
"YEAR 7 and 8 are not AGE 7 and 8."

My mentioning Yrs 7 ande 8 was in response to your post:

frantic51 Sun 17-Jul-11 09:05:52
"I have already said that I think it is ok occasionally for a young secondary age child to be left for 30 minutes or so due to unforeseen circumstances (not all day, obviously)."

And to your mentioning the NSPCC guidelines with approval.

If it is only ok to leave a young secondary age child "due to unforeseen circumstances", that leaves the question of how I am to deal with the regular and completely foreseen circumstance of being at work when my secondary child comes home from school.

My position is as follows:

I would leave a responsible 7-8yo for a short time (say while I walk down to the shops).

I would not leave such a young child for longer periods. Because ime this would not have been appropriate.

I would leave a secondary school child for longer periods and on a regular basis.

And I do not know anyone who employs a childminder for a Yr 8 child- which is what the NSPCC seem to be suggesting.

Well if the nspcc seem to be suggesting child minders for year 8 s, why do you think it's ok to leave a year 3 ?

Because I don't think anyone who is actually out there working with normal families agrees with the NSCPP about childminders for Yr 8- and that includes SWs I have spoken to.

Because I know that this is a specifically British take on things and that other countries (including some known for the high level of child wellbeing) get on fine with a more relaxed attitude.

Because it is not only a specific British take, it is also a very recent take: dh's generation was not so supervised and most of them seem to have managed fine.

I am not prepared to admit that my excellent and caring MIL was irresponsible, nor that all the Swedish parents I know are irresponsible.

And it is worth remembering that child protection charities in other countries do not go with this Yr 8 recommendation.

Year 8 might be abit old to still be employing child minders but year 3 is def to young to leave alone

It is a bit of a blanket thing-def too young to leave alone. Would you never go gardening and leave them in the house? Would you hear them fall down the stairs from the garden? Do they have to follow you everywhere?

I am quite prepared to see that people won't leave them for 20 mins but I think that they ought to understand that others would and wouldn't expect you to be wasting the time of SS over something that I see as beneficial.

Whilst I wouldnt leave my 7 year old alone like this I just cant get excited about someone else doing so and I wouldnt dream of reporting someone for this.

I would say you are right to suggest that he go to your house for that time,
I don't think it is at all acceptable to leave a child under 10 home alone for any length of time.

What if there was a fire or someone broke in, or he tripped and fell down the stairs.
A 7 year old would not be able to cope alone in any of these situations so it can not be acceptable for him to be left alone.

exoticfruits, no, I wouldn't have left a child on its own in the house while I was gardening, but then, none of my children, at the age of seven, would have wanted to be in the house if the weather was good enough for gardening! I think it very strange that a child would be allowed to stay inside when the weather was nice, unless they were ill, in which case, I wouldn't be gardening! If I was, "popping to the shops for 20 minutes" the child would come with me. My mother would never have left me alone for even ten minutes at that age, playing out with other children, usually including my older siblings, yes, of course but, in those days, most mothers were SAHMs and all parents in the immediate vicinity knew one another and looked out for one another's children. It would have been unthinkable for the arrangement the OP describes to ever take place as we would be "popped round next door" rather than ever be left on our own in the house if mother really couldn't take one of us with her.

With regard to year eight children, I do think that they can probably be left alone with contact numbers if there really is no alternative. But there is a world of difference between a 12 yo and a 7 yo. And I still don't think it is particularly good for them, day after day.

Depends on the child and how long you are gone

I would leave my 9 year old, no problem at all
I wouldnt dare leave my 7 year old
I probably would have left the 9 year old for 30mins when she was 7 iyswim

I would probably offer to have the son if its not going to put you out and they can have him up and ready

walesblackbird no it's not striaghtforward. If your 7 year old is still running a temperature of any kind, it is highly irresponsible to leave him alone. A child of this age has a much more unstable temperature than an adult or teenager, he could become delirious while you're out, not likely, I grant, but perfectly possible. If his temperature is now stable then, chances are, his spots are scabbing over, in which case, should they have contracted chicken pox from him, your other DC are probably more of a danger to their schoolfriends as they will be much more contagious than their brother atm. Don't you know any of the other mothers at school? If your other DC have already had chicken pox then they will be safe to send with another mum, if not, they shouldn't be in school anyway! We always used to help each other out at school if one of us had a sick child or had unusual work demands.