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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

7yo often home alone in the morning, WWYD? If anything?

588 replies

Hufflepuzzpig · 14/07/2011 14:20

I genuinely don't know. Neighbour's DS (nearly 8 but acts very young for his age) always goes in the car with his mum in the evening to pick up his dad from work, and he's not allowed to stay home/on the shared front lawn on his own while his mum goes.

In the mornings though, DH has noticed the DS is never with them, so the mum comes back and then takes him to school. I guess he must still be asleep or just doesn't get dressed on time or doesn't want to go.

Is that ok at that age? I wouldn't leave a 7yo home alone, but I expect many do and I don't think it's as terrible as DH does. He is generally more paranoid/helicoptery than me though. I know it's a really subjective issue, and the age at which parents let DCs be home alone varies massively.

I'd be happy for him to just come over for that time (about 30mins) in the mornings, even if he's in his PJs, should I suggest it? We don't know the parents that well, they are lovely but very shy and his mum in particular struggles with English. I could suggest it to the DS though, he likes it here.

I guess what I'm basically asking is - is nearly-8 old enough for this to be absolutely none of my business and I (and DH!) should chill because it's fine? Or is it a bit young to be home alone even for a short time?

OP posts:
frantic51 · 16/07/2011 17:17

No it's not ok to leave a child of this age alone regularly for such a period of time. Those trying to make mileage out of the car crash scenario are playing with smoke and mirrors. Most car accidents are not fatal but frequently result in serious hold ups, lengthening the time the parent is away and possibly causing unnecessary anxiety in the child.

I, too, don't care if I am called over protective, the worst that can happen is that folk will laugh at me, be my guest. I, on the other hand, would have little, if any, sympathy for the parent of any injured child whose injury was sustained while they were "home alone" as a result of said parent's decision.

cory · 16/07/2011 17:21

Even if a car crash is not fatal, you can still get hurt. And it is likely to be a far more frightening experience than looking at your clock and realising that mummy is half an hour late, hence phoning the helpful relative/neighbour/famly friend who has been detailed off for this role. The briefing before going out should surely include the words "of course things can come up and I may be delayed; if I am not home by such and such a time, follow this procedure". Doesn't have to cause anxiety at all.

frantic51 · 16/07/2011 17:26

No indication that any "procedure" is being followed in this case. OP opines that said child is still in bed and the reason for leaving him is to not disturb him. Totally wrong to leave a child of this age to maybe wake up and realise that he is home alone! Seems to play with OP's DC too and yet no request to OP to be "on call" in case of problem. Strange.

Still think it's not right to leave a child of this age alone regularly. More likely to be anxious to get home = less likely to drive safely in my book.

exoticfruits · 16/07/2011 17:28

It is a daily thing-I expect he knows full well he is going to wake up alone! They would hardly go off and not mention it!

Gooseberrybushes · 16/07/2011 17:30

"More likely to be anxious to get home = less likely to drive safely in my book."

barrel scrape

frantic51 · 16/07/2011 17:32

Perhaps, perhaps not, just conjecture on both parts. Still would have no sympathy with any parent if an accident befell their home alone DC. Just like had no sympathy with the McCann parents. When children are small, you expect to have to live your life slightly differently and put up with many inconveniences. If you don't like it, don't have children.

cory · 16/07/2011 17:36

So, how do you explain that parents in other countries (e.g. Scandinavia, not talking third world counties where parents have no choice) are quite happy to leave 7yos for short periods or let them make their own way to school/the shops. Is it because none of them like children and shouldn't be having them? Is it only the British that understand what caring for children entails? And how come all these fatal accidents don't seem to be happening?

FuzzpigFourFiveSix · 16/07/2011 17:44

wow, it's got busy on here. It wasn't my intent to be all controversial (I'm going to just offer that he can pop round if he wants or needs to) but you folks carry on :)

cory · 16/07/2011 17:47

you sound a lovely person, Fuzzpig, and that offer sounds very kind

frantic51 · 16/07/2011 17:59

The difference between letting a child play outside with other friends of the same age, knowing where the parent/carer is and being able to access said parent/carer under their own steam in case of need, or being left in the house whilst the parent/carer is in the garden/popped to a neighbour's and being able to access said parent/carer under their own steam in case of need, and being left alone at home in bed whilst parent/carer disappears in a car should, I think, be obvious?

Gooseberrybushes · 16/07/2011 18:51

Frantic - cory is quite right - my Scandi friends seem to have a more balanced approach than many parents here. It's not just playing out and about - it's being at home alone too. Most mothers work and it seems entirely normal.

Actually the ones I know have a very impressive attitude to risk.

exoticfruits · 16/07/2011 18:59

I don't know why people bring in the McCanns when you are talking about an almost 8yr old,in their own home, who knows what to do and who to contact in case of emergency.
It seems to me, from OP, that they have risk assesed and are not happy leaving the DS when he is up, about and awake but are happy when he is safe in bed and just has to stay in bed (if he wakes up) with a book.
I should think that waking a DC that age, making him get washed and dressed to go out in the car is difficult-and then there is the whole question of whether you wake him in time to have breakfast or whether you take him without. Much simpler to leave him in bed, do the (quick) journey and then let him get up and have breakfast. I don't think they will have done it without thought-otherwise they would just leave him at the end of the day.

seeker · 16/07/2011 19:25

This is what happens chez seeker.

I leave to drop dd at the bus stop at 7.30. Back at 7.50. Occasionally as late as 8.00, but only once a term or so.

I used to take ds with me. When he got to about 7.5, he asked if he could stay home. so I woke him and left him watching TV. Then he asked if I could leave him asleep. So I do. I always leave a big note on the floor outside his room in case he wakes up and forgets. He knows how to use the phone, and he knows that he can go next door if there's a problem. Sometimes he wakes up, soemtimes he doesn't. What he doesn't have to do is spend 20 minutes in the car when he doesn't have to. If for whatever reason I didn't come back, he would go next door.

Someone please tell me why this is remotely a problem.

exoticfruits · 16/07/2011 19:40

I will await the reasons with interest-it seems a sensible solution to me. (I expect similar to OP) What probem could there be-other than he misses being in the car crash. Hmm

exoticfruits · 16/07/2011 19:53

I am signing off for the night. I expect it is a thread killer-can there be an objection-or silence.......(bar the car crash, exploding boiler or axe murderer)?

vmcd28 · 16/07/2011 19:54

The possible-car-accident theory was only suggested by two people so it's clutching at straws to keep mentioning it as if it's all that's been discussed.

Nothing we say will convince you that a 7yo is too young to be left alone, and nothing you say will make us believe it's ok. So really this will just go round and round in circles.

exoticfruits · 16/07/2011 20:01

Every single thread of this nature-and there are many gets around to you can't have a car crash without your DC.
So you would make your DC get up, before they were ready to wake and load them in the car EVERY MORNING for 20 mins of doing nothing ,when they don't want to go and they don't need to go and they have asked to be left and they can pop next door if they have a problem?Hmm Why can't next door deal with the problem?

exoticfruits · 16/07/2011 20:02

I can't think of a problem that could occur in a 20 min window that mother could solve but next door neighbour couldn't.

shuffleballchange · 16/07/2011 20:49

I cannot believe people think its ok to leave 7 and 8 year olds at home alone - is this not illegal? I'm not having a go, just genuinely shocked.

vmcd28 · 16/07/2011 20:50

Any suggestions of "what-ifs" have all been dismissed and/or ridiculed.

As I said, nothing we say will convince you, so no point in offering a legitimate answer.

exoticfruits · 16/07/2011 20:55

No-it isn't illegal. I can't see the difference in having a babysitter-all you are doing is saying that at nearly 8yrs they would be able to pop next door if they needed it and not need the babysitter in the house. If the nearly 8yr old isn't capable or doesn't want it then don't do it. However if he/she is capable and has asked to do it-why can't the neighbour deal with it-even if it is only to go into their house until mum gets home?

Gooseberrybushes · 16/07/2011 20:55

But there are all sorts of other what ifs. What if I have a car accident? What if I have a heart attack at the wheel? What if he's so tired he trips on the doorstep, falls backwards and bangs his head causing a bleed? what if waking him before he's ready to wake every single day causes his immunity to drop and he catches an infection and what if it gets really bad and he has a febrile convulsion?

exoticfruits · 16/07/2011 20:57

I can't think of a 'what if' where he couldn't wait next door.

vmcd28 · 16/07/2011 20:57

Shuffle, not illegal, no. But I thought it was common sense not to leave a young child home alone.
I'm also genuinely shocked that anyone thinks it's ok (and a lot of people seem to do it regularly), and also shocked that they also seem to be resistant to accept that there are valid reasons that kids this age are just too young and unpredictable.

Gooseberrybushes · 16/07/2011 20:58

what if he's too tired at school every day? what if it affects his learning and he ends up behind? what if he then fails his exams and can't get a job? what if he's so tired he doesn't concentrate the next time you explain to him, say, crossing the road or talking to strangers?

what if what if what if

what if the sky falls in?