to find it sad only 3 parents showed up

[biddysmama]

ds's school has an informal coffee afternoon for the kids with sen/ld so their parents can go in and see who will be working with their child and what they are doing/have done, they have things for younger kids to do aswell so you can talk and they tell parents how they are doing and what action atc being taken..... i went to it yesterday and out of 30 kids 3 parents went :(

i know not everyone can make it but i know some of the parents dont work (inc my neighbour who was definately at home)

their little faces as they came into the room and no one was there for them and my crazy pregnant lady hormones made me want to cry :(

Again, can people please differentiate between SN and SEN. SEN is purely educational. A child with dyslexia has an SEN, a child with ASD has a SN. Irrationally annoying! Not all children with SEN have a SN or disability if you will.

And no, I don't go to coffee morningsa, as my sons school don;t hold them for the SN/SEN/LD families. And even if they did, I wouldn't go as I prefer to discuss my child witht he appropriate people, not some other parent who thinks we have something in common because we attend the same coffee morning.

And, as 2shoes said, my chyild goes to school to learn, me attending a coffee morning will not help them any further. If my child saw me, he would get hysterical and demand to stay with me and go home with me.

Roger you are right

DS3 bit an escort once, only the once. After much thought it became apparent it was down the stress caused by some flags going up to advertise a sports event locally.

If something that small upsets him then can you imagine the effects of parents turning up in school to some children? Many kids especially on the spectrum see parents as home dwellers not school dwellers- overlap can cause stress.

This week I have an appt every day, some days two, Tuesday a whopping three! Dh is working from home so juggles his hours but when he is not well then not then many go unattended, As an example was ds1's school leaver's play today, DH came and as soon as ds4 (suspected AS0 peeped he left as was agreed with the Head- didn't even get to the first song! But when Dh is not about I usually just don't go. I'd love to, but I can't. Yesterday I missed something that clashed with earlybird but can't be in two places at once; both places that matter to the boys in different ways.

And ssd what a joke! My records states I have 4 with AN (so lucky you with your 15p Unpa1d, am on 7.5p LMAO ;) ) yet they would not even give me help when I was due to give birth (so I guess 3nwith An then?), even though Dh worked a long drive away and we have no family in the country. Luckiloy Dh was on a day off when ds4 came and he could be born at home with a doula and a MW who just made it (delivery quicker than trip to hospital, something we knew was likely). Otherwise I was well aware there was a risk the boys would be present and nobody else. Because SW said no to help. Not only no, but if we placed aggressive asd ds1 with a childcare and he hurt them they would hold us liable. As a result of the whole childcare sit, we last had an evening without children about (non sleepers) in AMrch, at one point it was 2 years without a social event.

So you know, if I get a free morning I might go to a coffee morn, but if dh is about and once ds4 has started preschool next term, I am more likely to indulge in some rare sex or just join him forr coffee.

HerLies

Sadly that differentiation only works on MN; in real life education labels all kids with SEN or SN as having SEN, and in other fields I get yelled at if I do not use the term AN.

Oh Peachy, I am the same IRL, I often correct people who use the term incorrectly. Usually at the school.

at rare sex or coffee

tbh it is much nicer to meet your childs classmates mums for lunch(easy for me as there are only 3 in dd's year) arrange by us, as we are grown ups, that to go to some forced thing at the school

at the risk of starting this off again, the group is for all sen/sn/ld from my son who has aspergers to my friends daughter who has trouble reading :)

I missed the part about it being for sen children. Don't think the parents are being asked to make extra effort, just the same effort. Yes I judge the parents who didn't turn up.

Can I ask biddys, is it a standard state school where the group deals with a % of the school on an IEP (which would cover the rnage you are talking bout) or is there a Base that draws from a wider area meaning people will face more hurdles wrt to access?

TBH, low turnouts for groups are fairly usual. I used to run them alongside a few other professionals in my previous job and we always got maybe 5 prents from a pool of around twenty. The body I worked for national and it was expected. A certain type of eprson is reached by that emans, others find different ones. You won;t get me at a coffee morning generally but I am also the one who they know will come in and help out regularly. I am much more home with a bunch of kids than adults tbh.

But when trying to suss a reason look at the wider famillies as your answer will be there.

It does seem sad when so few parents turn up at the events, but I don't think we are in a position to judge.

I've been an escort for children with all kinds of special needs for two months now and I don't have the same route every day. This has given me an insight into many, many, schools, many, many everyday lives.

I'm currently working with reception and nursery aged children - so 4 and 5. A couple have extremely complex needs, just getting them into vehicle of a morning is a two-man job. Some of these families have three or four children at different schools, and are not the most wealthy of parents I've seen. Hence, a lot of mothers do not have access to transport to their child's school as it isn't the local school. Could be 10 - 15 miles away. Siblings may have special needs too and faced with two or three bus journeys with a toddler in tow (special needs or not) I actually see why such events aren't fully attended. It's probably the only time mum has a little bit of respite to catch up with things at home. It's not that she's not interested, maybe she needs a bit of help to get there and organise life. I've seen parents with special needs too this week. Communication skills vary amongst parents. It's not that they don't care.

I know for a fact if the school I'm working with this week had an event like the OP's - I doubt one parent would attend. Believe me, it's not lack of care or thought. It's just practicalities and lack of help. Please don't judge.

biddy then if wa sthat sort of meeting such broad range i would not be going becuase i shall ave bugger all in common with them.

sorry I would not give up a whole day for a 30 minute coffee morningso judge away .you do not know me or ds3 or our cicrumstances at all

happyinherts

Thank you and your right .I live as far East as you can get in Herts and ds3 school is right up in NorthHerts . I make the effort for xmas plays as his class do it alone .

You stillmjudge gooseberry despite pages of sn parents explaining how exhausted they are, ir up to their ears in appointments?
Well judge away. Maybe one day some learning will get past that catbumface ffs.

today I have to spend the day at dd's sn school. oh the joy, she got me up at 5.15 i am a wee bit tired, have to say if it was coffee morning I wouldn't be going as I would be sleeping.
love the fact that people still judge, wtf do they want....blood.
I hoe they never miss a coffee morning or event at their childs school.

I have to spend most of monday in dds school for wheelchair trials. One of my last 5 days before summer holidays when i can catch up on sleep. Then 6 weeks of being up all night but not being able to catch up dhring the day. Bet no non sn parents spend the amount of time in the school as we do for statements, equipment, physio, wheelchairs, communicagion devices, meetings etc etc
And this is before coffee mornings and other palaver.
So fuck off with the judging.

No I never did miss anything. Often when I was exhausted, angry, frustrated, committed elsewhere, husband away for extended periods etc.

Does that give me more right to judge?

The children ranged from those with Aspergers to those with trouble reading.
And three out of thirty turned up?

I think they should have turned up.

I'm sure most parents of sn children are lazy slackers, I thought it was a regular class and regular parents and didn't mean "parents of sn children are lazy slackers". ~But three out of thirty turned up? I think they should have turned up. I don't believe all of them were physically incapable of doing so.

"I'm sure most parents of sn children are lazy slackers"

NOT lazy slackers NOT NOT NOT

Gooseberry, why on earth would you judge them when you have no idea why they didn't go? There could be hundreds of reasons, from parents working, not being well, having a medical appointment for themselves or another child, but let's just assume it's because all 27 of them are terrible parents who don't care and couldn't be arsed.

I'd probably go to this if I didn't have another appointment, but, you know, sometimes I have another appointment. Just because you are a SAHm doesn't mean you have no other calls on your time. I go to things like sport,s day, nativity, parents' evening, but I didn't go into school when the school nurse was coming in to see the children, even though parents were invited to come in if they wanted. It wasn't compulsory and If I'd gone in I'd have had to have taken dd2 with me, and leave her toddler group early, and if I'd brought her, it would only have encouraged dd1 to play up. We've had loads of other appointments for her outside school over the last year or two related to her Aspergers, assessments, OT and social skills course as well as the constipation clinic and orthoptic appointments.

Personally I refuse to go to coffee mornings. I go to class assemblies, plays, concerts, parents evenings, planning meetings, sports days, open evenings etc, but I'm not going to sit around making small talk and chit chat with people I don't know. Situations like that make me cringe and I'm not going to do it. If people want to judge that's up to them, I couldn't care less.

Generally speaking, schools don't really bother finding out the sort of events parents like to attend. They go to one heck of a lot of trouble to organise Meet the Teachers/Curriculum/Coffee Morning events that most parents really aren't that bothered about. And it is absolutley fine not to be bothered by these sort of events. I trust the school to educate my children, I don't want to go to some mass brainstorming/group work session about the school's bullying policy (one event I remember).

What I do like attending: concerts and shows and exhibitions (evening only), parents nights.

Sometimes, of course, people wat to attend but can't. But a lot of the time, parents don't get enough out of these events and schools should stop knocking their pan in and warbling on about parental involvement without having found out what parents want ot be involved in.

Parents, like pupils, are not and never will be all the same.

Pointydog is right, and it's something I've had to get used to.

I teach in a mainstream secondary school. Our last Ofsted in March had 35 parent feedback questionnaires back out of 1400 kids (they were posted home with freepost envelope or you could email it).
Parents Evenings (one per year) run at about 40-50% attendance (depending on weather, what football is on etc), maybe 60% for Year 7.
Year 6 into 7 Intake evening had 70% attendance.

Some of my brightest and/or most hardworking kids have never had anyone attend a parents evening for them, and therefore have never had that lovely moment where I can take the chance to praise and reward their child face-to-face. I've asked them if another relative could attend so at least the words could be passed directly on to the parent but to no avail.

It absolutely astounds me. I would move heaven and earth to attend these crucial events if it was my child.
We don't have any 'informal' events, certainly nothing in the daytime, and there's no PTA as no-one volunteered for it. And yet only 20% of adults are in employment in the borough where my school is.

The kids are smashing, full of life and enthusiasm. It's the indifference from parents which is the biggest barrier to learning for our school.

stresshead, maybe you have misunderstood me. I do not think it is necessarily a bad thing that parents do not want to attend these events.

You are speaking about how much you, as a teacher, have a need to tell parents how great their children are and how you have missed out on a lovely moment. You could send out postcards (maybe you already do), you don't need a face-to-face.

Schools need to stop and seriously think about what parents want and how much involvement is really required.

Do you know that 'indifference' stops parents from attending? It might be nothing to do with indifference for many of them.

The children like the face to face. A girl in my tutor group really turned things around in year 11 and managed to persuage her dad to attend parents' evening for the first time since year 8. Their faces as they went round and heard all the positive comments were a pleasure to see. However, I do feel incredibly sorry for some parents who have to listen to teacher after teacher talk about how badly behaved their child is. I have had parents in tears before - I think it is too much, and I feel very sorry for them. My school has a policy of involving parents very early in intervention, so they know what they are going to hear. I don't blame a lot of them for not putting themselves through it in front of a load of other parents as well. On the whole, I like parents evenings because mostly I get to say nice things and parents get to hear them. Whether they are as useful as regular progress reports and individual contact with parents when things start to slip is another matter.

I only go to parents evenings to look like a caring parent, as I know they will judge if I don't turn up! Mine are little, I have a good idea of what they are achieving, and if there has been a problem, I usually ask to see the teacher within a day or two, not wait til the once yearly parents evening.

I only go out of politeness and fear of looking crap. I'm not sure that's the kind of involvement schools are really after.

I think that's a very familiar story, bag.

must admit allinbag I did the same for ds3 parents evening am worried about being judged .and becuase of train problmes I spent 11 rhs travelling in total for 30 mins and only been couple months since Annual review .I will not be doing that again !!!

So anyone can judge away