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AIBU?

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Original poster

to find it sad only 3 parents showed up

240 replies

biddysmama · 13/07/2011 14:35

ds's school has an informal coffee afternoon for the kids with sen/ld so their parents can go in and see who will be working with their child and what they are doing/have done, they have things for younger kids to do aswell so you can talk and they tell parents how they are doing and what action atc being taken..... i went to it yesterday and out of 30 kids 3 parents went :(

i know not everyone can make it but i know some of the parents dont work (inc my neighbour who was definately at home)

their little faces as they came into the room and no one was there for them and my crazy pregnant lady hormones made me want to cry :(

OP posts:
AbigailS · 13/07/2011 19:44

We've tried everything I can think of:
Morning meetings for when you've just dropped the kids at school
Afternoons before you collect the kids
Evenings
Informal "come for a chat and meet staff and other parents"
Formal "X is coming to give a quick informative talk on ..."
Staff led meetings, governor led meetings, parent led meetings
With younger children on laps, etc. and some with creche provided ...
With formal reply slips and "just drop in"s
It has always been so poorly attended we've given up, which is really sad.
One evening meeting no one turned up, many staff had stayed in school as they live too far to drive home and back again by 7.30pm and we all sat there wondering why we bothered. It was the parents that requested we start these meetings on one of our termly "what would you like?" questionnaires and they continue to tick the "yes please" box, them only two or three people show up. Sad

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 13/07/2011 19:57

Unfortunately there are just some shit parents who shouldn't be parents .... They don't care about this type of thing and they are busy watching Jeremy Kyle!

unpa1dcar3r · 13/07/2011 19:57

Dont remind me about the 6 weeks. Sob. No sleep. Im at breakdown point already and vomit daily as im so exhausted. 6 fucking weeks

Big hugs Riven. Empathy in abundance too (7 weeks starting this Friday and 2 SLD teenagers...I'm getting a jelly belly just thinking about it. And just found out that husband on his one day off next week has to go and do a bloody NVQ (to continue doing the job he does anyway!) Grrrrr. I'm frigging fuming. And he doesn't even get sodding paid!

youarekidding · 13/07/2011 20:22

What pag says makes sense.

We had our annual picnic at a country park this week. SN school EY department. Parents are invited but only a few turn up - even though most don't work.

We know, as many have said its because they 1) often only get to sleep when DC's are at school and/or 2) they find it hard dealing/ accepting their own DC's disabilities let alone seeing 15 of them together.

It's not black and white sadly.

Gooseberrybushes · 13/07/2011 20:25

bloody slackers

Gooseberrybushes · 13/07/2011 20:26

That was just a response to the op

lazy bloody slackers

i can't stand people like this

HereLiesDobbyAFreeElf · 13/07/2011 20:33

Do you mean SEN or SN, because there is a huge difference between the two.

3 out of 30 is a low turnout, but try not to judge for them not turning up. SOme people might not feel comfortable to attend a coffee mroning. Hell, when DS2 was dxed with autism I didn't want to be around anyone for ages.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 13/07/2011 20:45

We run some lovely groups and some parents think they are great.

Some parents come once and then never come again because 'my child isnt like those other kids'

They are just not ready and perhaps never will be.

AuntiePickleBottom · 13/07/2011 20:49

after a think about this, I doubt i would go...... i still haven't come to term that ds has either austism or adhd, and attending this meeting would be like admitting to myself he has a problem.

he already has SN teacher and 1-1 in school, and i get regular updates on what the school are doing and how i could help

annbenoli · 13/07/2011 20:51

I am an inclusion manager in a primary school. We have just had Ofsted and we were graded as outstanding for how we work with parents. We have great success at getting our parents into school and we would never approach things in this way. Why would parents of children with special needs want to come to a meeting which was just for parents of other children with special needs. Having a child with special needs is hard enough without wearing a badge to tell the world. This needs to be handled with sensitivity. We use the phrase everyone matters at . Everyone is welcome and we address all needs. Sorry I think the school needs to think again about how it is approaching things.

jugglingmug · 13/07/2011 20:56

Tis the same at DS's class assembly...30 kids, about 5 parents. At the end they always say parents can go and say well done to their kids. It makes me feel like the queen goin round about 15 kids going 'well done, you were great, what was your favourite bit?'. But I cant ignore all those little hopeful faces Sad

tabulahrasa · 13/07/2011 21:06

'Why would parents of children with special needs want to come to a meeting which was just for parents of other children with special needs.'

to be fair, I don't think you can win with that one - I've been to whole school things and just come away upset because it just wasn't relevant to me and the things the other parents wanted to know wasn't what I wanted to know. Equally, I think I'd be touchy if I was singled out for something as well, lol

yearningforthesun · 13/07/2011 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yearningforthesun · 13/07/2011 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EcoLady · 13/07/2011 21:15

I do wonder about the organisation of some school events.

Last week I was sent a standard letter (they hadn't even bothered to put my name in the space) inviting me to a workshop for 'parents of children with additional needs'. It's on a Wednesday morning in August. I'll be at work. When the class teacher mentioned it, I said I'd be at work. His reply was "but it's in the holidays"... not if you're not a teacher it isn't!

He's also been surprised by the poor attendance at a maths workshop he ran at 3.30pm, with 2 days' notice.

2shoes · 13/07/2011 21:17

Gooseberrybushes i hope you go to everything at your childs school!!
I wouldn't go to a picnic in the park, dd would be bored after eating, then what is she supposed to do?
coffee mornings are hell on earth when arranged at schools.
I went to one a while back,
it was boring, no one knew what to do,
dd goes to school to learn, why does she need me to turn up for a coffee morning.
if I don't does that mean I am a crap parent, what a croc of shit.

FreudianSlipper · 13/07/2011 21:25

:(

feel like crying for them, i like to think they did have good excuses.

AKMD · 13/07/2011 21:31

:( but I have never gone to any of the parent activities, open days or sports day at DS's nursery. Why? Because the reason he goes to nursery is because I am at work and the nursery has never given more than 4 days notice of these events. Poor planning on their part unfortunately.

2shoes · 13/07/2011 21:31

i feel like crying that people can judge parents they don't know and call them names

sotilltomorrow · 13/07/2011 21:57

I didn't attend my son's sports day or summer fair this year.
I have never punched anyone in my life but I spend ridiculous amounts of time each & every day lately wanting to punch the bitch that is the Additional Support Needs Co-ordinator at the school.

I know many, many parents/carers of children with additional needs are continually let down & fed bullshit year in year out.

Best keep my distance & work on a geographical move.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 13/07/2011 22:18

sotill you have just reminded me why of one of the reasons I didnt go to much at my DS's last school.

The inclusion manager was a twat and when i looked at him it made my IBS flare up. Just looking at him.

That and the fact that they used to just tell my DS that something was happening and expect him to tell me.

He doesnt go to that school anymore.

manicinsomniac · 13/07/2011 22:49

maybe all the parents thought that all the others would gp so it wouldn't be noticed if they didn't?

I've never seen a poorly attended school event actually. But then we have a huge number of parents who can afford to have one be a SAHP. I would imagine that in the majority of schools most parents are at work.

Riveninside · 14/07/2011 08:03

Ah, the old 'afford to be a sahp'. Acgually, many of us with disabled children cant afford to work. What childcare is there for a quadriplegic child after school, what employer would put up with multiple appointments and hospital stays a term. Or the 13 weeks holiday you need to cover school holidays because there is no childcare.
Id love to have the money to work. We are skint and struggling daily.

2shoes · 14/07/2011 08:16

piss myself laughing at the idea that parents of a disabled child choose to be a SAHP or can afford it.
I have no choice, ffs my dd is 16 I should have a life now, a job,
but I am still tied to caring for her.

i can't afford childcare, have no family to help. so wtf should we do?
I do wish people who have no idea wtf they are talking about would stop with the judging

thefirstMrsDeVere · 14/07/2011 13:02

I work with a lovely mum. Her child is about to start school. Lots of people have been telling her she can now go and get a job. FFS. I am sure lots of employers will be happy for the school to phone her a few times a week to pick the child up because siezures are going on for two hours and the child wont stop screaming AND give her time off for therapy, medical appts AND time off for hospital stays.

Not like she could do with some rest and time to herself after 4 years of 24 hr care.

People Are A Bit Stupid.

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