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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to think that mate selling wedding dress so shortly after wedding strange?

203 replies

Wamster · 10/07/2011 09:25

My mate married last October in a full-on white wedding. I spoke to her friday and she announced she was now selling dress. It is a beautiful dress - a proper fairytale number. AFAIK, there are no financial difficulties. I worry for my mate as I think this is a bit strange. aibu? Not thread hitting and running, just going out and won't be able to get back to thread for a while.

OP posts:
LRDTheFeministNutcase · 10/07/2011 14:12

Sounds lovely Morloth - btw, I didn't mean it was bad not to take things seriously! (Worried it came across like that.) But mine had plenty of pantomine anyway, as we had to traipse around behind a fully-garbed priest carrying candles and I think a big skirt would have been my downfall!

I think keeping dresses is quite a recent thing, isn't it? My gran's generation, the tradition was to cut them up to make the baby's christening gown - I think that's lovely.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 10/07/2011 14:12

Of all my friends & family who made a massive fuss about their weddings, who spent weeks finding the perfect dress/cake/rings etc, ALL of them who were incredibly bridezilla ish about the whole thing, they have ALL sold their dresses! They cost a bomb and take up so much space...and a bit pointless to keep. Your ideas sound quite dated OP, Id wager that most modern brides sell their dresses, (as i dont knwo anyone who has kept it!)

And yes, they are still very happily married, and some expressed sadness at the sale, but it would have been stupid to keep something that would bring in hundreds/thousands sometimes to the 'family pot'. You wouldnt keep your first car on the drive forever either, or your first sofa in the sitting room? You may very well love the item but practicality takes over surely?

Original poster
Wamster · 10/07/2011 14:38

I don't think a wedding dress is comparable to a first car or first sofa; the implication of such things is that they are the first of a kind and will be replaced in the future. A wedding dress is supposed to be a one-off.

OP posts:
BabyDubsEverywhere · 10/07/2011 14:47

Its an item you put a lot of thought into, that means the world to you, that you may save for a long time to afford 'the right one'. None of these things mean it is a permanent fixture. And it doesnt make the need for it to be perfect any less. Its a pointless thing to keep once you have used it. Do you expect her to sit in the attic once a week 3 and dust off the box to gaze adoringly at an old dress for ever more....like i said, dated views.

bruffin · 10/07/2011 14:50

I sold my wedding dress quite quickly - within months. I bought a coleport statuette which had a dress of a very similar style and some more royal dalton china for my dinner service. Been married 20 years next month. I still have the veil and the shoes in the back of my wardrobe.

TheSmallClanger · 10/07/2011 15:01

OP, you seem to be quite angry still about your friend's apparent bridezilla-ness. I think you should take her selling her dress as a POSITIVE sign that she has moved beyong bridezilla silliness, and is getting ready to rejoin the rest of the human race.

iscream · 10/07/2011 15:26

Op, since she is a good friend why not tell her how surprised you are as she was so in love with it just recently.

proudfoot · 10/07/2011 15:35

Not strange at all - it is sensible!

She has the photos to remember the dress and she is not going to wear it again so she might as well sell it to save space and recoup some cash.

CurrySpice · 10/07/2011 15:39

It's not called perception OP it's called wild speculation based on only the most flimsy of evidence

Ephiny · 10/07/2011 15:46

I don't think it's necessarily strange, just practical, especially as its getting on for a year since the wedding. Can understand why some people like to keep them for the sentimental value, but it's not as though you plan to wear it again, and a big fairytale dress probably takes a lot of storage space!

Unless you have some other reason to think she's unhappy with her marriage (or whatever it is), I wouldn't read anything into it. My friend got married recently and we actually had a chat at the reception about her plans for selling the dress!

Becaroooo · 10/07/2011 15:46

Ha! I gave my dress away to a family member 3 days after my "full on white wedding"

Whats the issue?

BabyDubsEverywhere · 10/07/2011 15:51

One of my mates (who, yes planned to death a fabulous wedding) had the photographer take a few pictures of her in the dress from different angles (missing her head off) for the dress advertisment Grin

GwendolineMaryLacey · 10/07/2011 15:52

I resent the trudging around a million shops to find the dress, having to be 'trained' to hold it properly when she walked and having to 'guard' the thing. And now she decides to flog it.

What the actual fuck is she supposed to do with it then? Wear it to Tesco? School run? She bought the dress for the wedding, it served its purpose beautifully, she has the photos and the memories but its usefulness Is Over. That's it. Finito. There is no further use for the dress.

YABextremely silly.

CurrySpice · 10/07/2011 15:52

BabyDubs that's what I call forward thinking :o

Original poster
Wamster · 10/07/2011 16:12

GwendolineMaryLacey, yeah well maybe the next time some bridezilla asks me to help her at her wedding I'll just tell her to fuck off. Maybe I should try to flog the time, effort, several hundred pounds I spent on arranging/getting to wedding, hotels etc on e-bay Hmm.

Let us hope next time she gets married, and given that half of all couples divorce this is likely, she wears a black sack. She can then not only bin the thing, but actually use it as a bin.

OP posts:
LRDTheFeministNutcase · 10/07/2011 16:19
Shock

Crikey.

This is not a normal reaction.

Hufflepuzzpig · 10/07/2011 16:20

YABU, I haven't sold my wedding dress, it was just a £100 turquoise ballgown from Debenhams but my mum embroidered it with flowers :) she put a lot of work into it (she had always dreamed of doing it for my wedding and I was really happy to let her!) so there is no way I'd get rid of it. It's actually at her house as there's more space there.

But if that hadn't been the case, and I'd just bought any dress, I wouldn't feel bad for selling it, because it would just be a dress - I've got my husband, and the wedding rings we always dreamed of (Celtic design), photos taken by everyone we love, and memories of our wonderful day. Those are the things that really matter.

Original poster
Wamster · 10/07/2011 16:27

Having dress photographed at wedding to sell later on. Really classy behaviour, that. Did she save the herself the trouble of having to go out and find a second husband and chat up one of the unattached male guests, may as well, like.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wamster · 10/07/2011 16:29

Or charge the guests for their meal? After all, they are just guests, they should pay their way. Bet she had an itemised wedding present list as well.

OP posts:
blueshoes · 10/07/2011 16:30

Ahhh, so that's why ...

CurrySpice · 10/07/2011 16:31

I can feel a Sky1 Programme coming on "When OPs go Bad"

WTF are you on about. People said no, they didn't think it was odd and wondered why you thought it was. Sorry for not agreeing with you but hey, this is AIBU

zukiecat · 10/07/2011 16:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Wamster · 10/07/2011 16:32

I think I should charge her a fee for guarding the thing for 8 hours the night before; for storage space and all that. I think £10 an hour is reasonable so she owes me £80. She can give it to me after it is sold. If it is NOT marital breakdown or desperation for money- in which case/s, she has my sympathy and I will not criticise her at all- she can pay up. Bloody chav.

OP posts:
BabyDubsEverywhere · 10/07/2011 16:33

OP how can you be so angry about someone else selling their wedding dress nearly a year after they married??

[shocked]

ps - all the prep work,being asked for advice, viewings, the attendance...you were supposed to be doing all that because you wanted to, to share in the joy and experience, to support a friend. Its all done to create a special treasured day. Its the memories that are important, surely? and all the photos to act as reminders to that memory. The dress is important for a lot of brides, if they sell it once the day is over its not because the dress doesnt matter, or because they need not have bothered with so much fuss over it, its because they have finished with it. They are often expensive, i wouldnt leave a few grand sat in the loft and only see it when i move house....madness!

wildfig · 10/07/2011 16:33

I'm actually surprised more people don't sell their wedding dresses. In the general scheme of things, if someone suggested you spend at least £500 on a dress that you could only wear once, in a colour that doesn't really suit anyone, you'd tell them they were mad. I told my sister I'd spent £100 on a pair of magic flattering jeans that I wore every day and she virtually keeled over backwards at my profligacy, despite having a dress that cost eight times that taking up space in one of my mum's wardrobes.

wamster unless you're about to reveal that she's also flogged her wedding band, engagement ring and is getting his name lasered off her upper arm, she's probably just paying an unexpected bill.

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