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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu to think that mate selling wedding dress so shortly after wedding strange?

203 replies

Wamster · 10/07/2011 09:25

My mate married last October in a full-on white wedding. I spoke to her friday and she announced she was now selling dress. It is a beautiful dress - a proper fairytale number. AFAIK, there are no financial difficulties. I worry for my mate as I think this is a bit strange. aibu? Not thread hitting and running, just going out and won't be able to get back to thread for a while.

OP posts:

thepopsiclekat · 10/07/2011 13:18

I agree it might seem slightly odd if she was so obsessed with this beautiful dress and the whole white wedding thing, but then again maybe she only splashed on it knowing she would sell it later. If she seems happy, I wouldn't read into it.

LRDTheFeministNutcase · 10/07/2011 13:20

But isn't this how lots of people justify spending so much money?

Btw, quite a lot of people did sell dresses 20 years ago - I remember my auntie getting married and she bought hers second-hand, so it must have come from somewhere!

If you are worried, why not just ask her? Just a simple 'oh, aren't you sad to see the back of the dress?' would give her the opportunity to confide if she is needing one, or it may well be she will simply explain that she has the photos now, she's over the excitement, and ready to move on? I know lots of people felt once the photos were there, the dress had done its job!

You sound nice to be concerned for her, though.

happygilmore · 10/07/2011 13:20

at lacking imagination. That really did make me laugh You sound a little bit obsessed OP.

LRDTheFeministNutcase · 10/07/2011 13:21

I think a ring is totally different, btw.

You're expected to wear the ring forever as a symbol of commitment. Only Miss Havisham wore the dress for years after!

TrillianAuror · 10/07/2011 13:22

She's not going to wear it again

She may prefer to have the money rather than the hassle of storing it

The sooner you sell it the better a price you will get because it will be more in fashion

Original poster

Wamster · 10/07/2011 13:23

Losingmyidentityalongtheway,

Right, to start off, my friend spent about 3 weeks looking for this dress, paid thousands for it, enthused that it was 'the most beautiful thing she had ever seen', that the wedding day was to be the day where their love was sealed and everything about it would be remembered forever.

Yes, this may be vomit-inducing to me, but that is how she viewed it.

OP posts:

oohjarWhatsit · 10/07/2011 13:23

ive still got mine

if anyone wants to borrow a 1981 cutting edge fashion wedding dress, feel free lol

SoloAgainItSeems · 10/07/2011 13:23

Wish I'd sold mine...now it's 'dated' and nobody would give me more than a tenner for it...so, if I could turn back time (I wouldn't marry the git!), I'd sell it within 6 months too.

LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay · 10/07/2011 13:24

Ok - so that's about the dress. I get that. What about anything else? If there's nothing else to spark your suspicions, then at the moment, I think that this is all that they can be - suspicions. Possibly ill-founded until you know more.

I didn't say it was vomit-inducing, btw.

LRDTheFeministNutcase · 10/07/2011 13:25

I get that you're worried for your friend, so I am going to post this and hope you won't take it amiss: you do sound slightly as if you resent her being a 'bridezilla' and you're stressing how she made a big thing of the dress and you wouldn't ... is it possible you're slightly letting some buried resentment about her big fancy wedding push you into seeing cracks in the marriage that aren't there?

Original poster

Wamster · 10/07/2011 13:25

happygilmore, Well if you can't even contemplate that a person who made such a fuss about their wedding day and dress selling the damn thing may-just may- be sign of all not being well then you do lack imagination.

OP posts:

LRDTheFeministNutcase · 10/07/2011 13:26

I mean .... to call your friend's wedding 'vomit inducing' is pretty strong!

lubberlich · 10/07/2011 13:26

A wedding dress and a wedding ring are not the same thing.
A ring is a symbol recognised by many societies as being a symbol of marital status to be worn permanently.
A dress on the other hand is just a bloody dress designed to be worn once for a few hours.
What other wedding toot are people supposed to hang onto in order to prove to you that their marriage isn't on the rocks then? Napkins perhaps? Old confetti? A stale cocktail sausage?

happygilmore · 10/07/2011 13:27

I do have an imagination, I just don't use it to come up with implausible ideas when they're a lot more other, reasonable, explanations. As you have provided no other evidence that there is anything wrong with their marriage, other than she's selling her wedding dress, I (and eveyone else on this thread) think you are overthinking this.

happygilmore · 10/07/2011 13:28

Arf at "stale cocktail sausage"

Original poster

Wamster · 10/07/2011 13:28

Er, not really, LRD, more of a sense of puzzlement that people could make such a big fuss about something and then abandon it later.
But you lot have put me right; it's all show at the end of the day and people just bullshit a lot about the big day and the dress and all the rest.

OP posts:

happygilmore · 10/07/2011 13:28

Should read there are, not sure where "they're a" came from!!

LRDTheFeministNutcase · 10/07/2011 13:29

But it's you who is making the fuss, not her? It seems she's over the fuss element now, yet you seem irritated by that fact.

Selling her dress doesn't mean it's 'bullshit', btw.

happygilmore · 10/07/2011 13:30

I agree with LRD. You sound like you somehow resent their wedding day.

TrillianAuror · 10/07/2011 13:31

You said you were happy to be told YABU and now you are complaining because we are saying YABU.

It is only likely to be a sign of marriage breakdown if she is a big old drama queen.

LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay · 10/07/2011 13:31

OK, am now officially losing the will to live.

You are simply not answering the questions that several of us have raised IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE GOING TO TO JUSTIFY YOUR SUSPICIONS?

I'm guessing not but it remains just a guess, as you will not answer with a simple yes or now.

However, my boredom threshold just got reached... good luck with obsessing over this

CurrySpice · 10/07/2011 13:33

I think you should look on it as a positive.

Your mate has realised that a marriage is not about the trappings and the glitzy wedding. It's about love and support and commitment.

There, you can have your sentimental fairytale after all :o

Original poster

Wamster · 10/07/2011 13:33

No, I do not resent her wedding day at all. I resent the trudging around a million shops to find the dress, having to be 'trained' to hold it properly when she walked and having to 'guard' the thing.
And now she decides to flog it.

BUT, this is separate to my thoughts about something being up.

OP posts:

MadYoungCatLady · 10/07/2011 13:34

Did she say anything to you when she bought it that she never wanted to sell it? Otherwise I really can't see why this is significant.

When I split with ExH, I didnt sell my dress.

I wrote on the front when I found out he had be seeing other women:

"THANKS FOR DS"

And left it on his bed when I cleared all my stuff out when he was at work :o

LadyThumb · 10/07/2011 13:35

Mine went in the dustbin!

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