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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to expect to sit with my husband at the top table at my stepsons wedding ??

412 replies

madmn52 · 09/07/2011 21:58

Message from MNHQ: AWOOOOGA!! This thread has recently been reactivated but please be aware that it was started YEARS AND YEARS ago.

I dont know where I will be sat but certain things have been said that imply that I may not be and his ex-wife - the grooms mum will be. I have asked and asked my DH to ask about my seating arrangement and as usual he is avoiding it - as I think he knows I will kick off if I am sat at one of the lower troughs at the back of the room. My point is that while I accept fully that the grooms mum should be at the top table - I think as my DH will be sat there then so should I and exWs partner for that matter - I am not sure on the etiquette here but I wouldnt have thought a DH and his wife should be separated. The wedding is at end of September and I just wish my DH would ask then I will know if I have anything to be worried about. I just think leaving it to chance is asking for problems /atmosphere on the day. Not that I would spoil their big day - definitely not but I wouldnt be happy put it that way. My DH doesnt want me to ask - he wants me to leave it to him in case any of you were going to suggest I just ask myself.

OP posts:
ChaoticAngelinLimbo · 10/07/2011 17:54

If the bride and groom are anything like me they won't even have thought about a seating plan yet. You're unlikely to be at the top table but if you have a good relationship with your SS, which you say you do, then you're unlikely to be placed in Siberia either.

I have to say your DH's attitude to his ex is coming over as very nasty. He may not get on with his ex but she is his DS's DM and he needs to remember that.

slovenlydotcom · 10/07/2011 18:31

The deleting of posts does seem to be rather random. I have demanded an explanation from mumsnet. How does it work on here? Do people have to ask for posts to be removed?

That is beyond hilarious. Ask for an opinion and then ask for posts that disagree with you to be removed. Brilliant Grin

TalkinPeace2 · 10/07/2011 18:33

I had two wedding parties - one with my mum and stepdad and DH's parents present.
Top table was us, our two best friends (who introduced us) and two other excellent friends.
Family were on family tables.
And everybody shuffled tables between courses

At the other party with my Dad there (but none of DH's family) it was a free for all and I think I sat about five tables in the end

TALK to them.
And then get them to do what will make THEM remember the day well.
The rest of you are just bit players.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 10/07/2011 18:37

OMFG I've never had a post deleted before, not in 4 and a half years! Have I finally made it into the MN hall of fame! :o

Maryz · 10/07/2011 19:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fgaaagh · 10/07/2011 19:20

slovenlydotcom, it's not just random, it's also confusing - the post MN HQ deleted was mostly made up of the OP's own post, in a quote - and from what I recall the comment of my own that I made underneath (it was quite a damning quote, I'll admit) was fairly tame, in fact very tame compared to what's been left on here. So i'm stumped.

GwendolineMaryLacey, I also can't remember another instnace where one of my posts has been removed in the whole time I've been here (other than a couple I myself have requested to be removed due to revealing too much info, etc.)

Veyr odd!

M0naLisa · 10/07/2011 19:29

Both my parents and DH parents are both divorced adn remarried.

WE didnt have our mum and dad sat at the top table, tbh i think its selfish for people getting married to have divorced paretns sat up on the top table specially if they are married or with other people.

I think YABU to bring it up but you are not being unreasonable in a way.

On our top table we had best man, chief bridesmaid and partner, other bridesmaid (my sister) on partner. Best man didnt have a partner at the time. thought ti was better than having me and DH, dad, stepmum, mum stepdad, MIL and SFIL, FIL and SMIL.

Cos my dad sure as hell wouldnt ahve sat next to my mum and the same for DHs mum and dad

So i think your SS is been unreasonable to expect his paretns to sit on the top table and partners elsewhere.

TalkinPeace2 · 10/07/2011 19:49

My parents were not even on the same continent for my wedding
I'd have not expected them to
I got two parties
cool huh

MNHQ
HelenMumsnet · 10/07/2011 20:10

@fgaaagh

slovenlydotcom, it's not just random, it's also confusing - the post MN HQ deleted was mostly made up of the OP's own post, in a quote - and from what I recall the comment of my own that I made underneath (it was quite a damning quote, I'll admit) was fairly tame, in fact very tame compared to what's been left on here. So i'm stumped.

GwendolineMaryLacey, I also can't remember another instnace where one of my posts has been removed in the whole time I've been here (other than a couple I myself have requested to be removed due to revealing too much info, etc.)

Veyr odd!

Hello. We have deleted some posts from this thread - for breaking our Talk Guidelines because they were personal attacks.

If you're unclear why your post was deleted, please feel free to drop us a mail at [email protected], and we'll fill you in.

Just a reminder that, as it says in the Note on the top of the thread: "Please bear in mind that whilst this topic does canvass opinions, it is not a fight club. You may disagree with other posters but we do ask you please to stick to our Talk Guidelines and to be civil. We don't allow personal attacks.."

GwendolineMaryLacey · 10/07/2011 20:18

Is saying they sound a bit unhinged a personal attack then? That's new...

MNHQ
HelenMumsnet · 10/07/2011 20:20

@GwendolineMaryLacey

Is saying they sound a bit unhinged a personal attack then? That's new...

In the context in which it was used, yes, Gwendoline.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 10/07/2011 20:21

Fair enough. I was nice to her later though. Turncoat!

Maryz · 10/07/2011 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fgaaagh · 10/07/2011 20:31

Oh well, at least MNHQ has identified what the problem was with the posts (I still don't agree that mine was a personal attack - but happy to stick within the rules and fair enough if they disagree with me then - it's their site after all Smile).

I suppose it can't be a bad record - nearly 4 years on the site (this is my second login) and only now has a post of mine been removed, that I am aware of - not bad going I think all things considered!

Fuzzywuzzywozabear · 10/07/2011 20:34

I'm probably a bit late entering this thread but my Step-daughter got married last year. She also already 2 children so I am a "nanny" too

My husband, her mother and the step-father were all on the top table - (joint giving away from father and step-father)

I was on the table next to the top table with my own children (her half-siblings) and my step son and his fiancé and a few other family members, so I suppose I was on table 2 - I was quite happy with the arrangements but I do understand that these things can be very difficult within families

Maryz · 10/07/2011 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ormirian · 10/07/2011 20:34

Extraordinary! I've seen much more robust comments left to stand before now. Strange

Animation · 10/07/2011 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

MNHQ
HelenMumsnet · 10/07/2011 20:52

@Ormirian

Extraordinary! I've seen much more robust comments left to stand before now. Strange

Do feel free to report them, Ormirian. We do rely on Mumsnetters to draw our attention to anything that breaches our Talk Guidelines.

Ormirian · 10/07/2011 20:57

OK. I'm afraid I just see much of it as the normal cut and thrust. Maybe I shouldn't.

fgaaagh · 10/07/2011 20:59

Animation - mine did, truly. I obviously won't be so daft as to re-post what I did post before, but it certainly wasn't in the league of "this poster sounds like a nutter"... for the record.... meh. These things happen.

Georgimama · 10/07/2011 21:22

"You sound like a PITA" now merits deletion. Pathetic.

Will await this being deleted.

skybluepearl · 10/07/2011 21:28

its a big day for your SS. why not just let them decide where to put you and let it be. why add to any wedding organisation stress? the even isn't about you. why not just let them put you where they want you to go and enjoy it.

mollschambers · 10/07/2011 21:47

Oh for goodness sake. My post from earlier today has been deleted.

Meant every word by the way. Even more so now.

OP may I direct you to netmums?

They'll all be super duper nice to you there.

We tell it like it is here.

Hmm
slovenlydotcom · 10/07/2011 21:50

Animation- who the bloody hell are you? and why would I assume you would report me?