Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset at this children's party?

452 replies

sadaboutthismum · 07/07/2011 19:19

I'm not sure if I am or not .
DD came home tonight and told me, very matter of factly, that a child in her class is having a year 6 leavers party and disco at his house. He was giving out invitations this week in front of the children who have not been invited. Two teachers are going aswell..

There are 37 children in the year group. 32 have been invited. My DD is one of the children that hasn't.

Obviously I won't do anything but I feel sad that an adult has organised a big, special party and excluded 5 children from it.

DD has never fallen out with this child, BTW. I don't know, I have quite a good sense of fair play and to me that means all children in a big party situation are invited. Obviously very different for a small party .

OP posts:
ThisIsJustASagaNow · 08/07/2011 09:31

It does seem very unkindSad.

But no way would I want to go to any party that I had to bring attention to the fact that I hadn't been initially invited. I'd be head held high and f* 'em all.

Do agree with Ingles really. And they're about to go up to senior school where this situation can happen; you have to cope with it unfortunately.

mrsscoob · 08/07/2011 09:35

I think that if the teachers are invited and it is being billed as a leavers party then everyone should be invited and if they deliberately haven't invited a small section of pupils then that is down right nasty and the teachers really should not go.

I disagree that "that is life" I actually think this is quite exceptional, it is certainly something that I have never come across before. I would have thought the OP wishes her daughter to go despite the fact that the invitee is a "little shit" as everyone else is going as she doesn't want her left out. Perfectly understandable.

pigletmania · 08/07/2011 09:37

This is dreadful bu would t, be surprised. As it's a year 6 leaving party and teachers are invited ALl kids should be invited. I would speak to the teacher as it's a school matter if teachers have been asked

InTheNightKitchen · 08/07/2011 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrigitBigKnickers · 08/07/2011 09:42

Hope it gets sorted.
Same thing happened to my DD and a few others in her class last year when she left junior school.

It was a joint party between two of the girls in the year.

One was fairly meek and mild (and one of DDs best friends) and the other a bossy little princess.

The bossy one persuaded the meek one not to invite DD as she had decided she didn't like her that week.Hmm

The meek one didn't know how to deal with it but thankfully got her mum (who was cross to hear DD hadn't been given an invite) to talk to bossy's mum who had no idea her DD had excluded anyone (invites had been written to all the girls in her year group.)

The invites miraculously appeared and everyone enjoyed the party.

Bloody girls- they're 'orrible.

(DDs of present company excepted) Grin

begonyabampot · 08/07/2011 09:42

it's sad for the kids bit you can't really say much until the mother has at least been given the chance to know/explain/rectify things - could be a big misunderstanding. Problem is as well, what if there are some horrible kids who had bullied a child - should they still be included? Hate the whole party invite politics. Invited all the boys to Ds party recently and one boy didn't turn up even though I had texted his mum - spoke to her the other day and it seems that texts got lost or some mix up. Sometimes mistakes just hapen without any malice intended.

diddl · 08/07/2011 09:45

I´m with Ingles tbh.

Someone´s having a party & not everyone is invited-meh!

They´re 11!

And whilst it might be billed as a school leaving thing, it clearly isn´t being organised by the school.

ZZZenAgain · 08/07/2011 09:50

I wouldn't expect any mother to invite dc to her home if she knew they had been bullying her dc during the school year. However it doesn't seem to have been the case here so far as we know. It could have been a mix-up somewhere along the line, and if not and those 5 dc were deliberately excluded, perhaps the mother never intended the invitations to be handed out in class. It seems her ds did this.

Let's see what the teacher has to say to OP when she has looked into it.

ThisIsJustASagaNow · 08/07/2011 09:52

And what will happen if a similar thing occurs at senior school? They'll be in yr7 in a few more weeks, so not much older.

Say the same kid throws a Christams party? I can just imagine the reaction from the teachers at secondary school if you try an enlist support for an unfair guest list. They won't want to know who's invited to whose private house partyConfused.

At what point do you have to learn the - admittedly hurtful - lesson that these things are going to happen in life?

Ok, through infant school it's nicer if this doesn't happen; but even there it still does as we know. But by age 11? Sorry, I think you have to take it on the chin. It's not nice I know. But I can't see how you can insist.

Far more advantageous to arm your child with the confidence to shrug it off.

And why would you want to go to someone's party who you don't much like anyway?

BoattoHogwartsviaBolivia · 08/07/2011 10:04

this is I think the difference here is that the teachers are going. Otherwise I would agree with you. It is very unusual for teachers to go to something like this, I wouldn't.

ExitPursuedByAKitten · 08/07/2011 10:08

Marking my place to see what the outcome is.

Bloody kids - can't they just be horrible............

Ingles2 · 08/07/2011 10:10

I bet the teaches aren't going....receipt of invite does not mean acceptance!
Christ I'm having a hard enough job getting the teachers to go the school run yr 6 bbq, in the school field, at hometime.

lauzb · 08/07/2011 10:10

If for some unknown reason it isn't a mistake, then I agree with a PP and if you have the time and funds to do so, maybe take the 5 kids not invited on a great treat day - if you can get hold of some 2 for 1 vouchers for a theme park or something, then it will probably be a better day out that some lamearse party anyway

herecomesthsun · 08/07/2011 10:12

I think it is more reasonable if these things happen at a private party. This one sounds however to be intended as a semi official leaving party esp if teachers are going and that isn't right.

Fifis25StottieCakes · 08/07/2011 10:12

Complex - thats our policy, only no invites whatsoever to be given out at school after a little girl was in floods of tears 3 years ago in my dd1's class. It was awful to watch. Eveyone ran out waving their invites apart from one. Que floods of tears. A letter was sent out the next day by the school.

2BoysTooLoud · 08/07/2011 10:14

Glad you spoke to the teacher op. If just kids with special needs and the 'uncool' kids left out- really is not on at all.
Please update us when you have news!

TandB · 08/07/2011 10:24

Under normal circumstances I would agree with those saying that there is nothing you can do.

But this isn't a birthday party - this is being presented as a class event - something related to a key moment in their school lives. And teachers have been invited.

It is either a private party, in which case staff members shouldn't be invited and invitations should not have been given out in front of everyone, OR it is a school-related event with staff attendance (and therefore tacit endorsement) to which every child should have been invited.

katekoo · 08/07/2011 10:30

Hey

if your DC is invited will you encourage/let them go? x

TheGrimSweeper · 08/07/2011 10:35

You did the right thing as this is a class party, not a bday party in which case you might have had to suck it up.

At my dd's school, the children give out the invitations at play time - everyone knows who's having a party and who is/isn't invited. All quite traumatic!

PGTip · 08/07/2011 10:36

A friend of my DD was left of an invite list for a party that every girl in her year was invited to. It was a genuine oversight by the birthday girls mom and she was mortified when she realised. She apologised to the girl and her mom and arranged to take her DD & the girl out for a day at a theme to make up for it.

TandB · 08/07/2011 10:36

Is it just me or is this public distribution of invitations a new thing?

I don't ever remember these issues when I was at school. I think invitations were usually passed between the parents or sent by post. Then again, no-one really had these big all-class parties to the best of my recollection. It was usually a maximum of 10 children.

ZZZenAgain · 08/07/2011 10:40

We didn't have this kind of thing when I was at school either. How new a thing it is , I couldn't say, being on the old side

TheGrimSweeper · 08/07/2011 10:41

Ps. I really can't imagine your dd is being deliberately excluded. Surely there is a misunderstanding...if not, who wants to be friends with party boy? I would let dd go to the party as why should she miss out?

Fifis25StottieCakes · 08/07/2011 10:42

I dont think there were as many partys then either kungfu. It just seems to be an endless round of parties with parents trying to outdo each other. If i can be bothered i have a little tea party in the house with the neighbours kids or a sleepover with 2 best friends.

ThisIsJustASagaNow · 08/07/2011 10:42

'She apologised to the girl and her mom and arranged to take her DD & the girl out for a day at a theme to make up for it.'

Blimey charlie, the world's gone mad.

Swipe left for the next trending thread