to be upset at this children's party?

[sadaboutthismum]

I'm not sure if I am or not .
DD came home tonight and told me, very matter of factly, that a child in her class is having a year 6 leavers party and disco at his house. He was giving out invitations this week in front of the children who have not been invited. Two teachers are going aswell..

There are 37 children in the year group. 32 have been invited. My DD is one of the children that hasn't.

Obviously I won't do anything but I feel sad that an adult has organised a big, special party and excluded 5 children from it.

DD has never fallen out with this child, BTW. I don't know, I have quite a good sense of fair play and to me that means all children in a big party situation are invited. Obviously very different for a small party .

I once worked on a hospital ward and there were 20 staff inc all nurses,matron clerical and housekeeping staff. The sister on the ward who was in effect everybodys direct line manager - except matrons of course held a big party for her 25th wedding anniversary. She invited 18 of the staff. One of the uninvited was because of very bad blood between the two husbands and both the sister and this member of staff had discussed it and agreed it would be better if she didnt attend - so both were fine with this. But the other uninvited was just one of these perceived by some to be 'uncool' people - a bit quiet and serious.

The latter later brought a bullying complaint against the sister and her exclusion from party was used to support her claims of marginalisation and humiliation. Her case was upheld and the sister was disciplined and had to attend a people skills / people management refresher course.

So no you are not being unreasonable. I think if the teachers still attend if your DD and friends dont get invited then that is condoning this blatant marginalisation and bullying. They should at very least boycott it and say why.

I agree Maryz, I just don't do class parties, mabey 8-9 from dd preschool class of 30 came to dd party and some from outside. Mabey if there was a resident bully who was really not a nice child, he/she would wonder why they were getting no invites to any parties and mabey improve themselves.

What a nightmare. Teenage parties can be just as bad too. Don't think that when they get to senior school it gets any better.

I was bullied at school, it got so bad that i attempted suicide. Which just led to me being taken out of some classes and being isolated completely.

I think this kind of thing needs to be tackled. Bullying is never acceptable and should always be challanged.

It starts off as small stuff but it does get worse if its left alone. How many kids need to shoot up a school or harm themselves before anything changes?

Closing your eyes to it just makes you complicent.

This makes me very sad. My daughter is 17 and has AS. She's never had a single party invite.

I mean, my 3 year old whacked a kid at a party on Sunday, I didn't say "Oh well assault happens every Saturday night out on the town haha, they'd better get used to it now eh?" I bloody well had a strong word and he apologised properly and didn't do it again

Violence is a completely different issue & not even worthy of comparison here.

littletreesmum 27 years later I still fell hurt over being the only child not invited to a class party^^

I think you need to look into why, 27yrs later, this still hurts. Because you are carrying around unnecessary hurt, imo.

I was never invited to parties the whole of my school life. Not one. Not even one my best friend had. I think it was because my mum would never give me a party, so they never invited me. Except my best friends, and that was because they were doing drugs (14/15), so no real loss.

I refuse to let it scar my life, even now, 20+ yrs after I left school. They were just kids. I won't let kids ruin my life forever.

Well, I have a baby and a toddler and while they are HARD work sometimes, at least all their ailments can be fixed with a kiss and a cuddle and are quickly forgotten. I am not looking for to all this ahead of me...

I do think that a lot of it comes down to the way the parent handles it, and this is where it's a real test. It's absolutely heart-breaking to think of your child being excluded and deliberately left out and it's very hard not to let that sense of hurt take over.

But the less of a big deal the parent makes of it, the less of a big deal the child is going to view it as. Sort of like when your toddler falls over, if you laugh and make light of it, it's quickly forgotten, but if you fuss and fret and check for broken bones, you have a full-on wailing melt-down on your hands.

I understand though, that it can be very difficult to step back when it seems like such a glaring injustice. But I do think that the less an issue is made of it the better, and if the child is then able to genuinely not be bothered by it, it sends a much stronger message to the 'excluder' than if they're upset and hurt and effected by it all.

Sounds like a mistake - your DD and the five should turn up anyway

Hello!

Sorry about the delay but we've been away!

Anyway, the teacher called me aside and said that he had spoken to the mother who confirmed that the party was on and that ten children had not been invited due to numbers.

The teacher was most unimpressed and no staff attended! .

The general feeling was that if a parent wanted to do a party but had neither the resources or the space to invite ALL of them, then they should have roped in other parents and held it at their house or hired the church hall.

The mother has come out of this looking like a prima donna twit and DD is cool .

Thanks again everyone, I get the feeling it won't happen again!

Glad to hear the school were sensible about this sad. Good luck to your DD next year.

so glad your daughter is ok about it. Do something a bit special with her! Hope the mum realises she hasn't come out of this looking to god..

Did the other parents let their dc attend? I certaintly wouldn't if I knew some had been excluded.

That's great op fantastic! Maryz I don't care about the bullies especially when they are making fun of me, physically hurting me that is not in my mind when they are doing that. And nor would I want them at my party, it's my special day and I want to celebrate it with kids that like me and care about me, not ones that make me feel sad and worthless like something on the bottom of their shoe.

Yes there is probably a reason for their bullying but that's not mine.

Sorry I meant it's not my problem.

Well done OP.
That should put a halt to her gallop in future

honeyandsalt

Violence v not being invited to a party.

Sorry, it is NOT comparable.

Hurrah! I do hope the other parents get wind of this and realise what a caahhhh Alpha Mum is

@differentname - An analogy is where you draw upon an example which is similar in some respects but not others. Hitting and bullying by means of social exclusion are both hurtful behaviours, and the reason I used that analogy is I wished to make the point that when one kid hurts another an adult ought to pull them up on it. Obviously not every single non-invite to a party is bullying (and I think that's where you're getting confused) but it is crystal clear from a great many of the posts on this thread that party invitations can be used as a mechanism of social exclusion which is hurtful to the kids at the pointy end.

@the OP - glad things worked out in the end!

honeyandsalt

Yes, I know what it is thank you! But I still disagree.