to be upset at this children's party?

[sadaboutthismum]

I'm not sure if I am or not .
DD came home tonight and told me, very matter of factly, that a child in her class is having a year 6 leavers party and disco at his house. He was giving out invitations this week in front of the children who have not been invited. Two teachers are going aswell..

There are 37 children in the year group. 32 have been invited. My DD is one of the children that hasn't.

Obviously I won't do anything but I feel sad that an adult has organised a big, special party and excluded 5 children from it.

DD has never fallen out with this child, BTW. I don't know, I have quite a good sense of fair play and to me that means all children in a big party situation are invited. Obviously very different for a small party .

this is getting worse. And those fucking teachers want shooting for condoning it (if they are aware?)

Report back Sadabout, and good luck too. Sorting things like this out is horrible.

I hope I don't bump into the mother. I am bubbling just below incandescent.

Oh how horrible. :( I was bullied when I was younger and it's devastating.

YANBU as seems to me to be odd to invite nearly everyone but a few of the children.

Party invites were sent out yesterday in my daughter's class and her and a couple of other children were not invited but everyone else was. Could be an oversight, maybe they could only have so many children. Not bothered my daughter was not invited as we normally have great fun at weekends going to park/on picnics etc.

What I do disagree with is the teacher giving the invites out to the rest of the class in front of the children who are not going. They should be discretely put in book bags or handed to the parents at the door when collecting their child. My daughter does not seem bothered about it but another little boy was obviously upset as allt he children were opening them as they came out. He looked so sad and could hear him asking his mum why so and so did not like him as they play together all the time at school.

I know children need to learn that they do not get invited to everything but a little common sense would not go amiss from the teachers

Definitely speak to the teachers and take it to the head if necessary. However nasty it might be, ultimately it is up to the mother which children she invites and if she chooses to be a cow about it there is nothing the school can do.

However, the presence of teachers effectively makes it a sanctioned event and I think they should choose or be told by the head not to attend in these circumstances.

It could be that the mum did invites for everyone but the child himself chose to 'lose' some of them? Which is still bad obviously, an 11yo should know better.

I find it really really hard to believe that teachers would even consider going to a party at a pupil's house though. IME that just wouldn't happen - they would say sorry they aren't allowed. So I reckon there's some big misunderstandings somewhere.

YANBU anyway, I went through similar and it was horrible.

Do report back and tell us what happened

Oh, unless - as you also mentioned they win all the contests etc - she is somehow involved with the school, or gives them a lot of money or something... Have heard of that sort of thing happening

YANBU

I would doas others have suggested re asking the mother who isnt invited so you can organise a treat for them.

I would also mention it to the teacher since at age 11 the invitations are unlikely to have been even given tot he teacher, he/she probably doesnt know that some children have been left out. As a teacher myself I would be grateful for the heads up because there is no way i would be going to a leaver's party where some children had been deliberately excluded and I would be letting the host know exactly why.

11 years olds can be nasty, and unfortunately so can some mothers . Our year 6's are having a whole class BBQ at one family's house and the whole year plus all the staff have been invited - they are super excited about it!

look, I can understand your upset, but this is yr 6! 11 yr olds!
you can't still be getting upset about this kind of stuff now... they're off to secondary in a matter of weeks.
Forget the party and organise something nice for your dd yourself.

YANBU. EXACTLY this happened to me when I was in primary school. I still remember the hurt and humiliation and pain 30 years later. Joceleyn Mackie, if you are reading this, I still haven't forgiven you.

I hope they get invited. You can then supply them all with a bag of prawns that they hide around the, no doubt, emmaculate house.

I suggest poking them inside curtain poles and under the fridge.

One stuffed down the gap in a radiator should also do the trick.

Update!
Teacher is 100% in agreement and will have a word with the mother.
Good to feel I've done the right thing.

Oh, teacher was seeing exactly who had been excluded and was pretty angry but yes, the child could well have been given invites for all children but chose who to invite himself.

Teacher will get to the bottom of it.

Kid's still a spiteful little shit, whatever though, I'm afraid. At eleven you know you don't give out invites in front of others.

If it's any consolation, I was served lunch by a mean girl who bullied me at school a year or two back.

She looked ten years older than me, six stone heavier and was bringing me a sandwich. I made absolutely sure she remembered who | was

I've been lurking and so pleased that you have the teacher's support - well done sadaboutthismum

Have you checked if your school has a policy on invitations? My kids last school had a policy that only invitations for the whole class or all boys/girls in the class could be distributed at school. Their current school is introducing the same policy for next year after some unpleasantness. If the parent wants to invite some of the class they have to organise the invitations outside school or use email.

If there is a policy you could raise this in your concerns with the school.

course it hurts jaja... but unfortunately that is life. children have to get to grips with life being unfair. Sounded from the op that the dd was aware but coping with this. IMO it's sounds like sadabout found it harder to deal with... especially from her latest post.
can't quite see why she wants her dd to go, especially as she thinks the child is a little shit!

My belief is that if it is being paid for and organised by a parent, it is for that parent to decide who goes. What if 1 child wasn't invited, but found out that few children like the child because he/she is nasty and a bully? Would you all insist that that child was still invited?

There is nothing you can do.

I don't agree with what this mother has done, but I can't see what it has to do with a teacher as the party is at the child's house. They can invite who they want ..... I am in no way defending her actions, but she does have the choice to invite who she wants.

I know how it feels as it happened to my dd2 the other week - she is in reception and was the only girl not invited to another little girl's party. Mother handed out invitations as they came out of the classroom - dd2 put her hand out to take hers and mother just smiled and clasped envelopes to her chest. Dd2 coped quite well. To be fair dd2 does not like the child and has nothing to do with her at school.

"It seems that all the " cool" kids are going and the SN kids and " uncool" ones aren't."

How did you find that out?

Agree with ingles, poor teacher, probably got mountains to do instead of worry about this kind of stuff