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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset at this children's party?

452 replies

sadaboutthismum · 07/07/2011 19:19

I'm not sure if I am or not .
DD came home tonight and told me, very matter of factly, that a child in her class is having a year 6 leavers party and disco at his house. He was giving out invitations this week in front of the children who have not been invited. Two teachers are going aswell..

There are 37 children in the year group. 32 have been invited. My DD is one of the children that hasn't.

Obviously I won't do anything but I feel sad that an adult has organised a big, special party and excluded 5 children from it.

DD has never fallen out with this child, BTW. I don't know, I have quite a good sense of fair play and to me that means all children in a big party situation are invited. Obviously very different for a small party .

OP posts:
Original poster
sadaboutthismum · 07/07/2011 19:39

The mother is super, super organised mum.

Her kids win every Easter bonnet parade, every decorated cake and World Book Day competition. It cannot be an oversight. Honestly, she'd make a Stepford wife look slack Grin

OP posts:
LineRunner · 07/07/2011 19:39

sadabout I hope you feel better anyway about the fact that you have a lot of sympathy and understanding here.

DoMeDon · 07/07/2011 19:40

YANBU - I would speak to teacher (as others have said) due to the 'leavers party' label and teachers going along too. I would probably say something to the mum too.

Failing any reasonable responses the pizza party for 5 is a nice idea.

Original poster
sadaboutthismum · 07/07/2011 19:40

I do Linerunner, I really do.

Although the wine nice cup of tea I'm drinking is also helping.

OP posts:
flicktheswitch · 07/07/2011 19:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Callisto · 07/07/2011 19:41

If I thought it was a deliberate I would definitely ask her why she felt the need to leave out 5 children from the year. In the playground, loudly and in front of as many teachers as possible.

DrCoconut · 07/07/2011 19:41

Re getting a list of potential guests. The school probably won't issue one. My son's junior school would not because of privacy concerns. But to leave people out is crap. I was bullied and ostracised by my school "mates" and have no time for that sort of behaviour now.

Callisto · 07/07/2011 19:41

A deliberate snub, that should read. Doh.

DoMeDon · 07/07/2011 19:42

Really Flick? Shock That is horrible! WTF was the reason? I can only imagine bullying being any kind of reason.

DeWe · 07/07/2011 19:42

I'd raise it with one of the teachers that are going in a "dd's been talking about the leavers' disco. I'm told you're involved so maybe you can talk me through it. I don't seem to have received any information about it yet."

BUT if she's just listed the 5 non invitees then there may be plenty more who haven't said anything, or made out like they're invited.

It could be actually a birthday party, but the parent decided to call it that because of it being at the end of term. Or maybe he's moving area. dd1 went to a "leavers' party" at the end of one school, but it was for a particular child who was leaving for another country and their children had invited a few children and they had a joint party just before they went.

applechutney · 07/07/2011 19:43

Am so sorry that your poor DD (and you of course) are having to go through this Sad.

It seems a bit 'off' to me that teachers would be attending when there are some mean exclusions. Do the teachers realise this?

What a horrible way for the year to be ending.

Original poster
sadaboutthismum · 07/07/2011 19:43

Bullying it does feel like. Especially the giving out in front of others. By eleven you should know that's not on.

OP posts:
Loonytoonie · 07/07/2011 19:48

I'd be sorely tempted to do what cat64 suggested, and contact the Mum (someone will have her details) to ask her, politely, who wasn't invited, so that you can arrange something for them on the night, to avoid them feeling awful. It's exactly what I would do.

Maryz · 07/07/2011 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fifis25StottieCakes · 07/07/2011 19:53

YANBU i cant believe the teachers are going. Do they know about the other 5. We are not allowed to hand out party invites in the yard or give them to the kids to do in school.

Maryz · 07/07/2011 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
sadaboutthismum · 07/07/2011 19:53

I do feel a bit like that mary. Like pulling her up on it politely and if it's deliberate she kind of deserves it and if it isn't I've been polite so no harm done.

Thing is she's one of the popular mothers.

OP posts:
Original poster
sadaboutthismum · 07/07/2011 19:54

Unfortunately, we both have younger children at the school.

OP posts:
Quis · 07/07/2011 19:55

Hi, my dd had a whole class party last year. She gave all of the invitations to her teacher to distribute into the pupils reading folders (as is the system the teachers have asked for).

I had six 'no replies', and on the day of her party I mildly complained to another Mum that I wish people would reply to invitations. I then found out that 6 pupils - only one of them being a girl - had not received an invitation!

I was mortified and still feel guilt towards the poor little girl who thought she was singled out. Her parents must have thought I was a total cow. Obviously I explained at a later date.

This could easily have happened to your daughter so please give the benefit of the doubt and just outright ask the parent involved. I wish someone had asked me.

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte · 07/07/2011 19:55

Completely and utterly not on, and given the description of the mum, hard to regard as anything but bullying. And I'm sure the teachers would not be attending if they realised.

(Sorry about ascent of hobbyhorse. I was once one of 2 in a class of 24 not invited, and it upset me for years)

simonedeboudoir · 07/07/2011 19:56

I'm so sorry this has happened, really feel for you and your dd

totally agree with what applechutney just said. And that's why I think you have a legitimate reason to mention it to the school

BoattostrikesupportingBolivia · 07/07/2011 19:56

As a teacher, I would really, really want to know about this, if I had been invited. I be horrified if not all my year 6 children had been invited to something billed as a leavers' party. I suspect the teachers have no idea. Just quietly talk to them and explain that some of the children have not been invited, do they have any idea why. You might find out a legitimate reason, (can't think if any myself) or the teachers might well withdraw themselves, which would be my choice. I could not tell the other parent who to invite, but would not want to be associated with something so unfair.

scarlettsmummy2 · 07/07/2011 19:57

I wouldn't hesitate to pull her up on it. Your child is leaving school so you won't have to see her regularly again anyway. What a nasty, horrible thing to do.

triskaidekaphile · 07/07/2011 19:58

Horrible. I really hope you find a way to get your daughter and the others invited or throw an alternative fab party.

sancerrre · 07/07/2011 19:58

You've nothing to lose by asking the Mum. Either it's a mistake and will be rectified or she's done it deliberately and needs to be made to feel guilty.

Am getting quite upset myself by the whole situation.