to be upset at this children's party?

[sadaboutthismum]

I'm not sure if I am or not .
DD came home tonight and told me, very matter of factly, that a child in her class is having a year 6 leavers party and disco at his house. He was giving out invitations this week in front of the children who have not been invited. Two teachers are going aswell..

There are 37 children in the year group. 32 have been invited. My DD is one of the children that hasn't.

Obviously I won't do anything but I feel sad that an adult has organised a big, special party and excluded 5 children from it.

DD has never fallen out with this child, BTW. I don't know, I have quite a good sense of fair play and to me that means all children in a big party situation are invited. Obviously very different for a small party .

Fifi - I am not looking forward to that particular phase of DS's life, I have to say!

My NCT group started the uber-mummy party thing at 1 year-old.

No doubt they would be horrified to learn that we are doing precisely nothing for DS's 2nd birthday next week. Well, he will obviously get presents and we are on holiday so we will take him somewhere fun, but no party.

Kungfu - Reception is the worst, a never ending year of Mr Twisters, The Giants Den, magicians, bouncy castles, disco's and plastic tat.

can you organise something special for her on the night of the party? with some friends?

Marking my place...

When I was a kid there was one girl in the class who had a party to whom everyone was invited. They were much better off than us, but not really wealthy, I don't think (having grown up to do quite a middle class professional job). Just very sociable in an all inclusive way, having everyone round the house. It was the social event of the year . I am sure my parents made a fuss of me on my birthday and might at one stage have invited one or 2 friends back, possibly, when I was at junior school, but they hadn't the money (or space) for parties really.

I do feel that things are a bit different for my family as a) we can afford parties b) I work full time unlike my mum and I am finding that parties are actually quite a good way for the working mums to get to meet each other and their children's friends c) we are in a more affluent area, it will be more usual for kids to have parties and DS would be more of an odd one out if we don't do this.

I am wondering at the logistics of all class parties though. I would not like little kids to feel excluded but would not want to help generate a party competitiveness spiral either. I am pondering either planning a large party every 2 or 3 years or getting together with another mum with a similarly aged friend of DS to hold a joint bash.

My DS(8) was upset because he invited a boy to his party and then didn't get a return invite. Prior to that boy's party I had chatted to his mum quite regularly in playground, I don't bother anymore. Fat cow.

yes that's another thing about parties. Return invites.

Haven't read all the replies so sorry if this has already been suggested - why not hold a leavers party before this one, make it fantastic and invite EVERYONE. Show them how its supposed to be done.

I hope it all gets sorted out amicably. YANBU to be upset about this.

Last year, we went to a local pizza restaurant with my dd one friday evening and when we walked in her entire class were there having a party hosted by her "best" friend.

It was utterly awful, dd couldn't quite comprehend what was going on, all the parents were there. When we walked in the hosts mum must have assumed we had decided to gate crash (it was just an awful coincidence) and she rushed over to say that dd was not invited and we weren't welcome to stay.

I haven't spoken to any of those parents since then. DD has been excluded many times since and we have never discovered why. Even her teachers can't understand it as she is seemingly popular and well liked by her peers in school hours.
I can only assume there is some sort of issue with us as parents rather than dd.

Anyway, enough rambling!

OMG that has to be the worst one so far. She rushed over to tell you dd was not invited. Eek that's so bad, I really am struck for words

Re return invites - You feel obliged to issue a return invite even if the friendship has fizzled out since the last party? I don't. You'd be inviting the same people tit for tat for ever more.

I am friends with a mum. Our dc always did parties together a few years back but our dc have grown apart even though they're in the same class. That's ok, it's how it goes. I'm still friends with the mum though.

Return invitations? People actually monitor these?

So if you invite 6/10/30 DCs you expect 6/10/30 invitations back from exactly the same children?

Good grief

She did indeed. Cowbag.

Just marking my place!

I can remember handing out invites at school, my Mum just told me not to make a big fuss about it. I did the same with DS1's birthday last month.

He was given a number of children he could invite, he chose them, I filled out the invites and he handed them out at lunch time.

No problems whatsoever, there had been parties in his class that he hasn't been invited to, not an issue, he is now of an age where he is actually choosing who he is friends with. I wouldn't do a whole class party because it would just cost too much and I can't be arsed with the politics.

Only one of the kids of the mums I talk to was invited, the others are not his friends so why would he invite them? People overthink this stuff.

what did you do?

Mini are you even serious ?

Blimey miniwedge

miniwedge what did you do? Did you stay and have a pizza, did you leave?

OMG mini, what a bitch.

Miniwedge that is horrendous. I wouldn't have been able to control myself.

My own thought was, is there any chance that the reason for the selective invites is because all the kids are going onto the same school and the few not included are going elsewhere. Not an excuse but wondered if this was a possibility. If it is just sheer horridness, then if my dc was invited think I would love to say no because it's not on treating other kids in such a spiteful way. Often think if the parents are like this don't want to bother let my kids get to know their kids. Some of us never grow up but why wast energy when there are lots of decent people who are actually worth getting to know.

miniwedge

that is beyond horrible

I loudly calmly explained that it was coincidence whilst dp hustled a sobbing dd out and expressed my surprise that the whole class was there......

We went to another restaurant and made a fuss of her. She was incredibly upset though.

I did call her afterwards and ask what the issue was and why she felt the need to behave in that way towards a child. She muttered about not really knowing me (i rarely do the school run as I work full time so childminder always did pickups/dropoffs) and said it was a gathering for family friends.

I said how lovely that her family had such a large circle of friends and wasn't it handy that they just happened to be the parents of the entire class.
She then had to go quite suddenly.....

Miniwedge -

Please, please tell me that you said something along the lines of "Oh, I'm terribly sorry. I didn't get the memo telling me you had booked the whole town for a party and I had to keep DD home".