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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset at this children's party?

452 replies

sadaboutthismum · 07/07/2011 19:19

I'm not sure if I am or not .
DD came home tonight and told me, very matter of factly, that a child in her class is having a year 6 leavers party and disco at his house. He was giving out invitations this week in front of the children who have not been invited. Two teachers are going aswell..

There are 37 children in the year group. 32 have been invited. My DD is one of the children that hasn't.

Obviously I won't do anything but I feel sad that an adult has organised a big, special party and excluded 5 children from it.

DD has never fallen out with this child, BTW. I don't know, I have quite a good sense of fair play and to me that means all children in a big party situation are invited. Obviously very different for a small party .

OP posts:
RalphGnu · 16/07/2011 08:43

I'm surprised the teachers are attending. I would've thought the school would discourage it in case of showing favouritism. What a shame for your DD, OP. I would be so hurt and outraged on my child's behalf if this happened to us.

Knackeredmother · 16/07/2011 10:53

I NEED to know what's happened? I feel so bad for those poor children left out, what an evil parent the party motherust be.

RickGhastley · 16/07/2011 12:13

God I am DREADING DS starting school in September, it sounds like a cliquey bitch-fest.

honeyandsalt · 16/07/2011 12:21

Need to know what happened!

Doesn't the school have an anti-bullying policy? This is blatant, teacher and parent sanctioned bullying within the school. The HT should be DEALING.

This is completely different from a birthday party. It is being billed as a "leavers party"; he gave out invitations in school to make the point who was being invited; the teachers are coming; the invitations fucking had "only cool kids invited" on them. It's clear as day.

Angry
SuePurblybilt · 16/07/2011 12:30

Yes, update for us nosy people please.

blondiemermaid · 16/07/2011 13:09

What's the latest?

talkingnonsense · 18/07/2011 20:41

Still no news?

ILoveThinLizzy · 18/07/2011 20:55

Nosy peeps...us

(takes turn eagerly)

differentnameforthis · 18/07/2011 23:50

It is the same, a kid isn't getting invited to a party that a PARENT is organising. Whether it is a leavers or not.

Some kids aren't invited. That's life. Sorry.

If it was organised by the school, fair enough. But it isn't.

honeyandsalt · 19/07/2011 00:05

So you think excluding a handful of kids, and making clear why with "only cool kids allowed" written on the invitation is a-ok?

Wow. Machiavellian.

Theas18 · 19/07/2011 09:17

Talk to the teacher if it makes you happier, but TBH I'd think "stuff 'em" and do something lovely on a 1 to 1 basis with my child.

But then again, my kids aren't the popular ones, and at the end of primary they were looking forward to new friendship groups at secondary and to leaving the irritating ones behind!

wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 19/07/2011 13:50

well

Twinkiesmum · 19/07/2011 15:53

For Gods sake - it's NOT the same. Some random parent hijacked an event that belongs to ALL of them and made it into some bizarre sort of popularity contest. What a memory for an eleven year old to take with them, eh?

manicinsomniac · 19/07/2011 16:04

Until Friday I would have said that there was no way this situation would arise where I work as we do try to monitor invites and most of our parents are reasonable beings. Sadly I was wrong and it seems to be so so common.

I know this situation is different because it's a birthday party but my friend who is a TA in year 3 had a little boy come to her on Friday feeling sad because he didn't think he had an invitation to a little girl's camping party in August. This girl has been talking about this for weeks, very excited because she is allowed to invite the whole year group to sleep over in her garden.

TA said to the boy that it had probably fallen off his table. Little boy asked the girl. She looked away and said, "no, you aren't allowed to come". She didn't say why. He is a naughty little boy but no worse than several others, very sweet and slightly different.

The birthday girl is one of my daughter's best friends so I spoke to her mum at home time, thinking that the little girl must be witholding the invite. Mum said 'oh X doesn't really like him so I said she didn't have to ask him'.

The only one! Out of 48 children!!

She must have felt guilty because an invite subsequently appeared. The little boy's face lit up and he said "oh thank you. Thank you very very much." No trace of bitterness. :(

chinam · 19/07/2011 16:20

That poor boy, Manic. Haven't read all the thread but do the parents who this kind of thing never stop and imagine how they/their child would feel if it was their child who was the only one not invited somewhere. Sad

sootytotherescue · 19/07/2011 16:46

Poor boy Manic :(

I'm dreading all of this, dd1 starts nursery attached to to school in September.

ExitPursuedByAGryffin · 19/07/2011 16:52

I don't think some people care - they simply cannot experience empathy.

My DD has just received a late invitation to a party. The birthday girl has invited my DD as she has told her that she knows that all the other 'uber popular' girls will go off and leave her, but she knows that my DD will stick with her - either

a) because she is nice, or

b) because the uber popular girls do not want my DD with them either.

Delete as you deem appropriate.

However, the uber popular girls are all being given a lift to the party with the birthday girl, but there is no room for my DD so we will have to take her separately Hmm

The parents suck up to the parents of the uber popular girls. No one seems to want to suck up to me.

As I said, some people just do not care.

Maryz · 19/07/2011 17:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

differentnameforthis · 20/07/2011 02:11

honeyandsalt

Not ok, but it's life. As an adult you don't get invited to every little thing that that happens, so not a harsh lesson to learn young, imo.

differentnameforthis · 20/07/2011 02:14

Some random parent hijacked an event that belongs to ALL of them

No, they haven]'t hijacked an event, that would imply that the school or the governing body started to organise the event, but they didn't it was organised..BY THE PARENT!!

So yeah, I guess they have the right to choose who they invite.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 20/07/2011 05:14

Mary, I was one of the ones on that thread who said that I would be very unhappy about telling my child that even at his own birthday party his feelings and wishes were secondary to those of a child who makes his life a misery at school. I fucking resent being called a bitch for that Hmm. That's you projecting.

Goblinchild · 20/07/2011 05:29

So your opinion on this thread would be the same then, GML?
That the child is entitled to choose who goes to her party and the OP should accept that?

sleepywombat · 20/07/2011 06:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 20/07/2011 08:02

Ultimately, I guess it is, yes. I would prefer my child not to be invited at all than invited under sufferance when s/he wasn't really wanted. It's tough but you have to accept it.

pigletmania · 20/07/2011 08:42

Oh Manic that is awful. The mum should be ashamed if herself does she lack morals. If I were you I would give my friend a big lecture in humanity, and morals. Unforgivable to invite ALl the year but one. I can picture this happening to dd age 4 who has possible ASD speech and Lang and emotional delay. She like being on her own dosent socialise much but has a gentle and sweet nature. However she would not realise, unlike that little boy