to be upset at this children's party?

[sadaboutthismum]

I'm not sure if I am or not .
DD came home tonight and told me, very matter of factly, that a child in her class is having a year 6 leavers party and disco at his house. He was giving out invitations this week in front of the children who have not been invited. Two teachers are going aswell..

There are 37 children in the year group. 32 have been invited. My DD is one of the children that hasn't.

Obviously I won't do anything but I feel sad that an adult has organised a big, special party and excluded 5 children from it.

DD has never fallen out with this child, BTW. I don't know, I have quite a good sense of fair play and to me that means all children in a big party situation are invited. Obviously very different for a small party .

Manic my heart breaks for that little boy, just says a lot about your friend, that it takes someone to point out to her. Just so low

Manic that made me tear up a bit. To be the only one left out of 48! Poor little thing. :(

I agree with you MaryZ. It's fine to leave a number of children out but it's really cruel to exclude one child and I think it's appalling that some people think it's acceptable. And it's utter flim flam to say that 'well that's life, get used to it'.

And those of you who say it's alright, don't pretend you wouldn't be very hurt and upset if all your friends were getting together without you and were talking about it excitedly in front of you. Because I simply wouldn't believe you.

The "oh life's hard when you grow up" argument is the weakest one going, it's a crappy cop-out way of either treating your kids badly or allowing them to be treated badly. As adults, parents and teachers have a responsability to guide their kids in thoughtful and responsible behaviour, and to set them straight when their behaviour is unpleasant.

I mean, my 3 year old whacked a kid at a party on Sunday, I didn't say "Oh well assault happens every Saturday night out on the town haha, they'd better get used to it now eh?" I bloody well had a strong word and he apologised properly and didn't do it again.

differentnameforthis - this wasn't "every little thing going" though, it's a very large leavers party, with teachers invited, to which some kids are pointedly not invited, with the point pointedly made that it's because they're inadequately cool, not a birthday party with half a dozen guests of someone she barely knows. Shame you don't think this is unacceptably nasty.

Just found this thread and have a comment about the handing out invites. Don't know if children this age would watch it but there are various tv programmes (like Sweet Sixteen for example) that show horribly spoilt children hosting completely OTT parties. One of the sections of this show is the handing out of the invites where the child stands in front of their class/year group and hands out invitations, there are usually some children left out.

Was just thinking that this nasty practice might be starting to pervade children's parties over here...?

My son was picked on in infants by 2 boys in the class. After his infant years he started to have smaller parties - often most of the boys invited (but not all). I can't recall specifically, but I think from year 2 these boys were not invited, They really were my son's nemesis. Yes it's cruel to exclude children from invites, but it's also cruel to invite your child's bully to their party. Seeing my son's sad face after any incident involving these 2 calling him names, excluding him from group games, and pushing him around, made it really really easy to not invite them.

I would never exclude a kid just because my child thinks they're a bit weird though.

It is billed as a leavers party so all leavers should be invited, the teachers invite makes it school business and the OP has every right to question her dd's non invite.

I never had a party growing up boo hoo, so I think I have gone a little overboard in the past. My dc apart from my youngest ds (sn-AS) have had parties every year from nursery up until Y4. We have always invited all the class. Once they get into Y4 we just take their closest friends out for the day less than 50% of the girls. DS had a go kart party for his 5th birthday and for the next year he recieved invites. I know there have been plenty parties this year but he hasn't recieved an invite. He isn't bothered therefore neither am I.

Something similar but IMO slightly worse happened in my eldest dd's class. The two alpha females of the class hadn't been getting along. One dd had a birthday party and did invite the other dc but as mum had decided her dd was being bullied by the other declined and then threw an end of term party on the same day. The birthday party was attended by only two children out of 28. At the beginning of the next term a massive argument ensued and the HT ended up getting involved. what was astounding was that both parents were teachers and the bday girls mum was a HT. it got very personal.

have not read all thread, but sympathise very much with children being left out, and party talked about by the rest of the class. It is hurtful.
have been on slightly other side last week with childs party (year 3) and due to economics could not invite whole class. I tried to make it clear that it was not on to parade about the party as we could not invite everybody, but worry that he did anyway. I would be sad if someone felt left out because of this, and find it unacceptable that someone can invite over 30 children and leave 5 out.

By age 11 ish I think yes it does start to go down this road. It's not nice but yes sadly, unfairly, it is life. I would not want my dc invited to a party where I had to kick up a fuss to get them in and they were not wanted.

The OP's post refers to yr 6 children. What happens in a few weeks time in year 7 - senior school - and the same thing inevitably happens? Involve the teachers again? They won't want to hear about it.

Children need to learn strategies to cope and shrug these things off or they will be hurt again and again by the same scenario.

I'll say again it's not fair, it's not kind, I wouldn't do it, but it happens and there's not much you can do about it.

Children are often excluded for being different though. When I was 5, I started school in America, the only English kid in the class. When it was Valentine's day, this one kid came round the class and gave everyone a card except me. He walked up to me and said 'I'm not giving you a card because I don't like you'.

I can still remember the utter humiliation and misery. I started wetting myself in class after that because I was too scared to ask the teacher if I could go to the loo. I can remember the moment as clear as yesterday and it was 40 years ago.

forgot to say we had less than 1/3 of the class invited. am not fussed if I know there is a party held and child not invited when they are not really friends but in same class.

OP! OP! OP!

I don't know how parents can exclude one or two children from a party.
My dd 7, dislikes a little boy in her class and said that she does not want him at her birthday. I have totally ignored her request. I know how awful i would feel if my child was excluded. Some people are just bloody awful.

But each to their own. You may call me bloody awful, but I could levy the same accusation at you for making your daughter have someone to her party she doesn't like. In my view it depends on the reason whay the birthday boy/girl doesn't want the other child there.

My son doesn't get invited to everyone's borthday parties. He never has. He's coped fine with it. It's one of life's lessons.

People confusing this thread with a normal birthday party thread are annoying me! It is completely different. Same goes for should a child that has been bullying your child be invited, it is not the same and I do believe there is another thread on that somewhere?

I also think the "that is life" brigade have never actually experienced being left out or anything like this for themselves or their children and are probably precisely the kind of people that would do this sort of thing.

It does seem though that the majority of people don't agree with this,
do have empathy and seem to be very nice people so that is reassuring.

I wonder where the OP has gone

I guess I'm part of the 'that's life brigade'. Not because I'm hard and unfeeling but because I know other people can be sometimes and I try to arm myself and dc against that rather unhappy fact.

I and dc have been left out of tinigs before; I 100% empathise and try hard not to do it to anyone else. (Although I draw the line at inviting bullies to birthdays but that's another thread, as is rightly pointed out).

It's not nice agreed. But what can anyone actually DO? It's a private party. And these situations do crop up from time to time for everyone.

Really, it would have been nice if the school had organised something. My dd's did last year. That's the only way a leaving party could be reliably inclusive. The school should perhaps look into that if they want to avoid this in future, but even then it won't stop someone from still organising their own bash.

I'd be hurt, yes, but I'd walk away with dignity from this thinking sod 'em and go and do something else. No way would I twist arms to get an invitation.

It's horrible for the girl but what can you do? Does she really want to go to a party that she is only invited to because her mum made a fuss?

You were the one that mentioned the other thread on here. And I fail to see why children that your child likes should be left out just because of one horrible child. If your child likes 14 out of the 15 boys in the class for arguments sake, why should some of them be dropped just to appease the other one? Seems to me you're being unfair to everyone except the one child who needs a bit of a wake up call. It's a private party. If you want to dictate guests then put the school in charge of them.

I LOVE the idea about organising a get together for all the excluded ones....

Doesn't have to be big...but should be really special!

The ghastly thing about this party though is that coincidentally the excluded"uncool"children all have either SN,wear glasses or are a little geeky or plump.

That is not the same as excluding a child that perhaps you don't get on with or who has "bullied "you.It is quite clear that these children have been excluded because they are a little different from the so called 'norm'

By hijacking an event I meant graduating, leaving primary school, a watershed moment in their lives.............