Or is my teenage dd? Need some honest opinions!

[mosschops30]

dd turned 15 last week
For her birthday i bought her over £100 worth of summer clothes, she also wanted her hair coloured so we treated her to that which was £75, then we had a family meal out to her fave restaurant.
The following dayshe decided she wanted to go into town to spend some birthday money, she wanted another bikini, a strapless bra and some dvds. I said i was happy for her to get the stuff but not the dvds.
She went nuts banging on the walls and shouting that she should be allowed to spend her own money on whatever she likes. She also wrote on facebook 'thats right mum, take your fave son out to buy him a present, but i cant even spend my own money'

I wanted her to save some money as over the next few weeks she has a trip to barcelona with school, a trip to london with her nana (because i wouldnt take her again having already taken her once this year and taking her again in october), then our family holiday to spain, then a surfing weekend

Yesterday i asked if she would like to go to GBK for lunch as a thank you for her babysitting a few hours last night, however this morning she screamed at her little brother and was so rude i asked her to go to her room, she has spent the whole morning lying in bed then got up at 11.30 and said 'what time are we going to lunch' i told her i wasnt taking her because her attitude towards me and the boys was so terrible and she screamed at me 'god dont you realise i looked after your kids last night'!

I just dont know where to go from here, AIBU and expecting too much, or is she a nasty spoilt brat? She makes me feel like i treat her like shit, but i dont think i do.

Do i dock it every time she doesnt do one of the agreed jobs? If i just stop it she wilk never ever get it

Dock it - Mum used to give us the child benefit and would dock it for jobs not done. I only once had a month without money and watching DSis get all hers (complete with smug grin) reformed me somewhat! Set out an agreed amount for missed jobs though, so it's not sprung on her.

So how much £1 per missed job?

I try not to stress too much about their rooms tbh.

If they don´t put their washing in the wash box it doesn´t get done.

Only thing I don´t want is them taking food up leaving it to go mouldy!

Lose a quid for each day jobs not done, thus no chores for 30 days (= whole month) means no allowance. Perfect maths.

Maybe you could dock it daily, up to the average 30 days per month -- look on daily chores not done as one day's wages not earned? So all daily chores would have to be done in order to earn the £ for that day. Miss one, miss your money.

I agree to not stress abut the state of the room, but do not go in there trying to sort out what needs washing yourself, and do not agree to any last minute washing of items that were not put in a basket all ready to go. At her age she should be doing her own washing anyway. I don't allow any food in bedrooms.

DS1 turned 14 in June. He gets £40 a month (but he must pay for his £10 phone top up out of that).

He gets all clothes and toiletries bought. Money for school trips, lunch money, all his school pens/rubbers etc.

I expect him to empty the dishwasher and reload every night, bring the washing down every other day and set the table every other day in turns with DS2.

I think YABU about the DVD's it was her birthday. Had it not been her birthday then there would not have been any money anyway....

Oh and we pay for haircuts too.

Lurking with interest as I have 3 pre-teen dds.

I took the mumsnt advice for a bit about leaving their rooms as their private space. Til we found a mouse nibbling on a biscuit in dd3's room. And the next week a rat looked through the upstairs window at me.

Now we have gone RIGHT back to insisting they clear their rooms up.

When there's food in bedrooms, there will be mice, etc. Hence my ban on food upstairs.

At 15 DD had her own bank account -ATM card only no overdraft facility.She had an agreed allowance of £50 per month paid into this and any extra cash from birthdays etc was hers to spend as she wished or put into her account.

I paid for haircut every 12 weeks ,and twice a year funded a shopping trip for undies,jeans,socks,tops, etc of about £100.

Until you allow her to have control of her own money- she will see it as a bottomless pit- it was a shock to DD how little £50 can buy and she had to prioritise what she wanted and whether she can afford to go on things with her friends.
Regarding the babysitting- I would suggest that you pay her and that this is used for her trip money.
I would also be having a chat about what is appropriate behaviour- banging on walls .
You grumble that she is spending her money on crap -how would you feel if she called your purchases crap? -respect her choices.
I always say "you cant spend it twice" - its a hard lesson but teenagers need to learn it for themselves.