To think it is weird/ controlling to make your children ask for food?

[RevoltingPeasant]

This is not a thread about a thread, but rather inspired by comments made on a couple of threads over the last few weeks.

Disclaimer: I don't have children yet.

Recently, I have seen a bunch of people saying things like, 'My children don't snack between meals' or 'In my house, children don't take food, they have to ask first'. (The latter comment was about a 13yo.)

Maybe because I am not a mum yet, but I find this hugely draconian and controlling. I don't mean young children: obviously a 4yo is going to eat all the chocolate buttons she can get her grubby mitts on. And I don't mean letting DCs eat whatever they want, whenever. But I have seen people saying that kids of 11-12-13-14 have to ask before getting a snack - I am at this.

When I was 10+ yo, I'd just get a snack if I wanted one. If I started eating lots of crisps/ cake, my mum would've told me no - but the idea that you have to go and beg permission before grabbing a piece of toast or some raisins is just weird and really icky to me!

AIBU?

Our DCs are 16, 13 and 6 and my DP very rarely gets home before 8pm. We always eat together, when we are all at home - there is no separate dining round here.

I used to be called hollow legs by my dad as a teenager and often ate two portions of tea. Rules were I could eat toast or cereal between meals anything else I asked for. We never had chocolate or crisps in anyway

Same here Pag.

DS gets in from school around five. DD around five forty five. But these are on the evenings when no one has extra curricular activities (as we speak DS is not home yet from a match).

DH gets home at eight thirty at the earliest. We simply cannot eat together.

"Otherwise, they'd be reading trashy comics at 11pm, whilst snacking on Jaffas cakes, trying to fall asleep in front of the TV showing horror movies...not ideal."

Absolutely. The rotting core of our society can be traced back to simple things like making sure children eat properly, go to bed at a sensible hour and do their homework, read a proper book, not trash their toys. Without that, children never learn self restraint. Obsesity, underage pregnancy, binge drinking, illiteracy - all stem from a basic lack of parenting and willingness to set boundaries.

Bonsoir I think it would be simply wrong of me to make my DC wait until nineish to eat, particularly when they have almost always done a great deal of sport. Indeed, I wouldn't be happy for them to have to tackle their prep without a meal inside them after sport.

When I was 13 I used to cook dinner for the family. Mum worked and was knackered and a simple meal is no problem at that age (I liked cooking, still do, and did nothing much else to help out - no Cinderella tales!) so kids do vary. We didn't really have snack foods in the house much, either. They were expensive and not exactly nutritious. So I don't think all parents control food at that age, no. Maybe it depends on the child concerned, and how tempting what you have in the house.

My children always asked.

Don't see what the problem is.

Really Bonsoir? What time does your 6YO go to bed?

Then you are fortunate that your 6 year old copes with an 8.30 meal.

Dd is at school at 8.30 most morning, 7.30 for swim squad days and has several hours of sport or dance most evenings, plus instrument practice and homework. I think keeping her awake to ear at 8.30 and to go to bed presumably after 9.00 would be fairly unkind. She is asleep around 8.00 most nights.

I have no objection to the concept of dining together for supper. We do on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
But assuming that everyone has a life which facilitates exactly that plan seems rather short sighted.

She goes to bed around 10.30 in term time, a bit later in the holidays.

Agreed we all eat dinner round a table my mate dose not have a table even though she has space for one but instead chooses to eat in the front room watching telly with plates on laps yuk I never have dinner round their.

And to be honest I seen some really fat kids on my sons sports day ones that could barley run their parents would do well to regulate their Childs eating

I find it horrid to see children at say 8am eating sweets on the school run they wouldn't have had breakfast long ago unless thats their breakfast yuk

YANBU

I actually feel its weird and a bit control freaky to make older kids ask for food, but obviously younger ones need guidance.

I have 4 kids aged 18, 16, 12 and 6, two of whom are hollow legged teenage boys

The older 3 don't have to ask for food but are all naturally sensible and well mannered (so, hooray they don't clean the cupboards out!) All of them eat very sensibly, usually we all eat together and all are slim and fit. The older ones cook for us all at least once a week, and all have a very healthy attitude to food.

However, my 6 year old still asks if he wants something to eat, and obviously if he asked for 10 cakes I'd say no. He asks even before getting fruit or veg because left to his own devices he'd eat several apples a day then have tummy ache. Hopefully he'll learn moderation like the older three and by the time he's 9 or 10!

Bonaire 10:30 really at 6 years old well I am agog at that

'the rotting core of our society' ! yes if only it could be solved that simply

Fucking Hell MoreBeta, that's a bit extreme.

I think too pag that those of us with children doing serious amounts of sport have to ensure that their energy levels remain up, otherwise it would have a detrimental impact upon school work and health generally.

As I say my DD weighs less than five stones. Today she has done a morning of school work and then spent the afternoon at an athletic tournament where she ran a 1500m, and 800m and a 100m relay.

There is no way on God's earth she could wait to eat until nine and I am not prepared to insist she does that.

I think it's a question of family priorities. My family would not accept a situation where children did not sit down with parents to eat dinner - family dinner is sacrosanct and no extra-curricular activity or work must interfere. We all think that family dinners are much more valuable than activities outside the home. Other families don't think that - fair enough.

My dd would never cope with so little sleep. My dss wouldn't have either.
I would not dream of putting them to bed so late. Dd would be on the floor somewhere.

That sounds like a late bedtime for a 6 year old ( half ten later in holidays)?

She has never been to bed any earlier than that!

if its fruit you can help yourself ditto yoghurt, chocolate etc yep you have to ask, ditto icecream because the freezer gets left open, I haven't got teenagers yet

She finds it quite hard to go to sleep that early - but she has never needed any sleep at all, not even as a newborn. Fortunately she can now read to herself in bed and put her own light out.

10.30pm!!!! Jesus, how does she stay awake during the day?

Well that's great.
She likes that bedtime, suits you and your meal time.

I was just explaining why some of us can not say ' this is not a restaurant' and expect our dh and dcs to suck that up. For some of us that is simply nonsensical

Oh she's raring to go all day - I go to have lunch with her so that she gets extra running time at lunch time. She's just made that way!