To think it is weird/ controlling to make your children ask for food?

[RevoltingPeasant]

This is not a thread about a thread, but rather inspired by comments made on a couple of threads over the last few weeks.

Disclaimer: I don't have children yet.

Recently, I have seen a bunch of people saying things like, 'My children don't snack between meals' or 'In my house, children don't take food, they have to ask first'. (The latter comment was about a 13yo.)

Maybe because I am not a mum yet, but I find this hugely draconian and controlling. I don't mean young children: obviously a 4yo is going to eat all the chocolate buttons she can get her grubby mitts on. And I don't mean letting DCs eat whatever they want, whenever. But I have seen people saying that kids of 11-12-13-14 have to ask before getting a snack - I am at this.

When I was 10+ yo, I'd just get a snack if I wanted one. If I started eating lots of crisps/ cake, my mum would've told me no - but the idea that you have to go and beg permission before grabbing a piece of toast or some raisins is just weird and really icky to me!

AIBU?

DD helps herself to fruit but anything else she has to ask. I'm hoping it will help her make healthy choices, she is starting to understand everything in moderation and whe she does ask for biscuits or sweets she helps herself to reasonable portions.

No-one should be snacking - that's the point.

Agent c'mon, be fair - at least I haven't picked the one poster who agreed with me and called everyone else a bully

I suppose I just feel like people here take much more responsibility for/ interest in what their older children eat than my parents did. Horses for courses.

Bet I am back here in five years begging for your help with my out of control DCs

Lequeen
It is just astonishing to watch. Ds1 has a stance based arou d the layout of our fridge. He stands with the door of the fridge held open with one hand, the big cupboard storing breads, wraps, pasta, cakes blah blah propped open with the other and I swear he just inhales.

I have 4 brothers but there is something about rugby training....

But LeQ - sorry, really not picking on you, just curious now - didn't you know when it was dinner time? I mean, we always had dinner around 7pm in my household, so as a girl of 12 or 13 I knew this, and could tell time, and just... wouldn't start eating at 6.35, you know? Plus I was often the one cooking the dinner!!

After many years of feeding and observing both children and farm animals I have concluded they have similar eating habits. Fill the trough up, allow free access and what you get is them eating the nice bits until they make themselves ill and then they waste the rest.

Even farm animals have their diet closely monitored.

My DCs managed a little more self control than to eat until they were sick

Very good, MoreBeta

I cannot do one fixed supper time because it is not possible so the "don't they know when it is supper time" thing does not work.

Example

Ds2 home first at 4.00
Then collect dd at 6 having done 2 hours of gym and is 8 and goes to bed at 7.30 but

Ds1 not home until 7.30 having done rugby training since 4 and completely starving but
Dh not home until gone 8

The next day ds1, ds2 home at 4. Dd not home until 7.00 after swimming. Ds1 has to go out at 7.30.Dh still not home till 8.

So supper time is not constant. It can be anytime between 5.30 and 9.00 and may be three sittings.

Absolutely, snacking in France is interdit

But yes, as a general rule, eating goes on at particular times of day in France and grazing/snacking isn't done.

I am loving the image of a snack trough, filled with an assortment of crap, opened for 15 minutes an evening by Mum, with all the DCs rushing at it and then being shooed back with electric prods when their time is up....

But Bonsoir it's not just about snacking, it's also about eating meals when you want - for example, if my mum was making something with meat and I wanted a veggie dinner, or wanted it later or earlier, I'd just make it. This is not about being She Who Administers the Crisps or something.

We all eat the same food round the table together in our household. It's not a restaurant!

By the logic of your OP, revolting peasant are all rules for our kids "weird and controlling"?

As an adult, I decide what time to go to bed,. But I tell my kids what time to go. Is that controlling?

As an adult, I drop my shoes where I like. I tell my kids to put theirs away. Is that controlling?

As an adult, I decide what to wear. I tell my kids (when they were smaller) what to wear. Is that controlling?

My kids rarely, if ever, say they are hungry or ask for a snack (although they often ask for sweets / chocolate / a tteat ) but if they want something to eat, they ask. I think it's polite and respectful, and helps them make sensible choices eg don't fill up on chocolate 10 minutes before dinner

I hate to say this, but when you have kids, your views might change

But most kids dont cook there own dinner revolting. I lived in a house with a mam and dad who had not much money. We had no snacks just meals prepared by mam. I lived was fed 3 meals a day but i can remember sometimes being extremely hungry. I guess that is why i put my food out as i dont want them to have to ask for food or be hungry.

Also some kids have problems with being underweight. The hv told me to feed one of my dd's whenever she was hungry to try and build her up a bit, she was still underweight when she was weighed at school and still is now.

RevoltingPeasant - I expect in due course you will review your stance on letting children do what they feel like, when they feel like it. Your mental health and bank balance will depend on it

My son (16) has been helping himself for years now.
He's over six feet tall and eats a lot.
I, on the other hand eat very little, I just don't have a big appetite.
He'll also make himself a bacon sandwich, or stick in a pizza when he's hungry.
He's nearly an adult, why should he have to ask permission?
OK when they're very young, obviously you have to control it, but after they hit secondary I don't expect to. Anyway, he's fit, healthy and not obese.
And just ignore the patronising tones from the "wait till you have kids" posters.
You'll make your own mind up when you do, and after all, you were a kid once yourself op.

My DC ask if they want food outside meal times. I rarely say no though. Only when they are about to have a meal put in front of them or they have alreadfy eaten tons of crapola.

They are just so hungry a lot of the time. DD is eleven and weighs just over five stones ...

LOL LeQueen and you are quite right.

Children pretty quickly learn which behaviours meet with parental approval and which don't (this is called "self-regulation" by some deluded people). My DD generally does things that meet with my approval or at least acceptance and if she really wants something I don't always agree to, she precludes her asking for it with "Mummy, now you might say no, but could I ....?"

Never said I made the 16 year old packed lunch, he has younger brothers who I make pack lunch for, he is capable of making his own lunch, he does this by using every pot pan dish in the house

Well yes. I would love to eat around the table and all at the same time. I don't run a restaurant either.
But do I slap my dd to keep her awake at 9.00ish or do I tell dh that there is no food as the supper sitting finished while he was at work.

Or do we all have dcs the same age and partners who finish work promptly at 6.00 and have a nice short commute?