DP's birthday or cousin's wedding?

[MadYoungCatLady]

I am due to go to my cousin's wedding in just over 2 weeks.

It is a 4 hour drive so my parents are driving up the day before (DP's birthday) and we get a free lift - otherwise it would be train and I don't think we could afford it.

DP has just decided he doesn't want to go now. He said he is happy to come up by train on the morning of the wedding (ceremony takes place at noon), but it would mean him leaving at about 6am (ferry to catch, train connections etc). I am not prepared to do that - I'll be 21 weeks PG, suffering with terrible back pain, if we miss one connection (theres quite a few) we will miss the ceremony and quite frankly its too bloody expensive. Unless I don't go to the wedding, I won't be with him on his birthday. I asked him how he feels about me going, and got the "Well, I'm sure I'll find something to do" line...

I really want to go to the wedding, but feel like a complete bitch leaving him on his birthday! But I figure my cousin will only get married once (hopefully) and he will have lots more birthdays (hopefully). Should I go or would I be unreasonable?

DH and I spent our first anniversary at my brother's wedding reception. They had married in Las Vegas (I went, DH didn't due to work commitments) and cleverly scheduled their reception in England for our first anniversary - it wasn't malicious it was just the only date the venue they wanted could do that worked with lots of other factors that complicated the date. We went, and behaved. We were both a bit miffed but hid it entirely. He will have loads of birthdays and it isn't even on the actual same day.

Your DP sounds like a spoiled child. Unless you want to spend your life with him pulling out of family events at short notice and you toddling along to make embarrassed excuses, have a serious rethink about whether this is the sort of person you want to be with.

Any progress OP?

Hi again. Just thought I'd give you an update, especially as prettymeerkat asked :o
Things are a bit better - I told him what for and that I wasnt happy in general, and I havent been for about 3 months now. He got a bit defensive, but apologised for his recent behaviour and said it wasnt right that I was on the receiving end of his bad moods. We talked about ways in which we could spend time apart, constructively, as we are stuck together 24/7. He is interested in martial arts, and I think this might help relieve some tension, so have instructed him to find the nearest place. He will have to get a taxi back, but he gets sick pay so I convinced him this is what the pay is for (as it is for a MH condition and I really think this would help).

The mood changed back to the bad one quite quickly, but I just haven't taken any notice. I have been making little remarks here and there, just to let him know he's acting like a cock. He knows I wont put up with it forever. He can try to sort it out, or leave. I've been thinking about the near future, and what I will do if we split soon. I used to have an au pair when I was with ExH, it might be an idea to get me through for a bit (I've been in a lot of pain since being PG, I have stopped taking my painkillers and can barely get downstairs, the pain is so bad). I know my mum would help out with DS. I know she would be there for the birth of baby and help out when its born. So it doesn't seem quite as daunting.

He is saying now he will come on his birthday as my mum apologised re the argument. If he changes his mind, hes not coming at all. I'm not being messed around anymore!

Small steps, but I am thinking positive which I reckon is the first step!

Thanks again all :O

I think that having decided you are not going to put up with it anymore is a significant first step.

Thank you meerkat! Fingers crossed he starts behaving, cos it wont be too long before I say no more...

I hope you stick to that. Maybe you need to think about how long you will wait for things to change before you say enough as tbh I can't see him changing.

What happened?? Did you go and have a wonderful time?

Cancelling on going to an agreed event with you and then whining that you are deliberately leaving him alone and abandoned on his birthday is not a bad mood. It is deliberate, controlling and emotional blackmail to try and get you not to go too.

I am glad you had a chat and are not standing for this nonsense but it is going to be very hard work constantly pulling him up and being on your toes initially to make sure you do not accidentally fall for it.

Not sure that is good for someone who is pregnant and suffering with it

Good luck