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Original poster

DP's birthday or cousin's wedding?

158 replies

MadYoungCatLady · 05/07/2011 18:39

I am due to go to my cousin's wedding in just over 2 weeks.

It is a 4 hour drive so my parents are driving up the day before (DP's birthday) and we get a free lift - otherwise it would be train and I don't think we could afford it.

DP has just decided he doesn't want to go now. He said he is happy to come up by train on the morning of the wedding (ceremony takes place at noon), but it would mean him leaving at about 6am (ferry to catch, train connections etc). I am not prepared to do that - I'll be 21 weeks PG, suffering with terrible back pain, if we miss one connection (theres quite a few) we will miss the ceremony and quite frankly its too bloody expensive. Unless I don't go to the wedding, I won't be with him on his birthday. I asked him how he feels about me going, and got the "Well, I'm sure I'll find something to do" line...

I really want to go to the wedding, but feel like a complete bitch leaving him on his birthday! But I figure my cousin will only get married once (hopefully) and he will have lots more birthdays (hopefully). Should I go or would I be unreasonable?

OP posts:
BlueFergie · 06/07/2011 17:56

Tell him to get f**ked.

Don't you dare go out of your way from him. There is an offer of a lift for him the morning before, he can take that or lump it. If he wants to go on his own steam he can get himself there completely on his own. Pick him up in a taxi my arse.

Tell him you'll see him when he gets there. Keep your phone switched off otherwise he will be ringing you looking for lifts.

PrettyMeerkat · 06/07/2011 17:59

What a fucking woos! Too scared to get a taxi on his own! What a fucking baby!

(this does not include agoraphobics etc obviously)

What a childish mother fucker!

Is he the father of your older child?

PrettyMeerkat · 06/07/2011 18:01

How old is he?

Original poster
MadYoungCatLady · 06/07/2011 18:05

No hes not the father of DS, just the DC in my belly.
I'm kind of hoping the birth of his 'own' baby will help him a little bit.

He's 26 PrettyMeerkat.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 06/07/2011 18:18

Seriously, OP?

He is playing games. You know he wouldn't come up on the train. You know if he agreed today to go up with you and your parents, he'd cry off at the last minute.

Take control. Tell him you've called your cousin and told her that he won't be coming, so that she can either rearrange her seating or invite someone she couldn't squeeze in before. Tell him you're disappointed at his attitude. Ignore anything he mewls says to you on the subject.

Oh - and tell your cousin today, so that it minimises the impact he has on her plans.

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/07/2011 18:21

I posted without refreshing the page for obviously too long.

"I'm kind of hoping the birth of his 'own' baby will help him a little bit."

Sorry, but that's a very forlorn hope, I fear.

PrettyMeerkat · 06/07/2011 18:24

Apologies for my language before, was very angry.

I must say that I am not convinced that he will change just because he will have a child. I see no reason why this would turn him into a reasonable human being. He is already step dad to your older child and that hasn't changed him has it?

How long have you been together?

PrettyMeerkat · 06/07/2011 18:33

You said he can be controlling . . . in what other ways?

You also said that he will winge about it forever when you get home, did you mean the fact that it messed up his birthday?

Also you said he enjoys getting angry about the fact that people talk about him after he has refused to attend an event, how does he enjoy it?

He sounds like he might have Antisocial personality disorder or something (I am no expert), actually that sounds extreme, he's just a twat!

Maryz · 06/07/2011 18:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

supercal · 06/07/2011 18:37

OP, I feel so sorry for you.

His behaviour sucks.

Backing out of all your families' functions, incl a pre-agreed-to wedding at short notice, trying to manipulate into doing what he wants, expecting his pregnant partner to get in a taxi to meet him from the station (what will you do with your own DS? Schlep him along or leave him with your parents?) al sounds v controlling and selfish.

Go to the wedding. Don't alienate yourself from your family. I'm sorry to say, you could well need their support in the future.

clam · 06/07/2011 18:46

Oh for God's sake, just ditch him the idea of him coming. He clearly doesn't want to, and is therefore going to make damn sure he ruins it for you too. You'd have a better life time without him.

PrettyMeerkat · 06/07/2011 18:48

How old are you OP?

kalo12 · 06/07/2011 19:50

he won't grow up because he has a baby of his own, but what will happen is when you have a baby to look after you won't want to put up with his childish behaviour and will want a man that can support yours and your children's needs.

anyway, don't be checking your phone all day wondering what he is up to, and don't tell him what you are up to just have a great time with your family and let him feel as if he is missing out.

26 is too bloody old to worry about your own birthday celebrations ffs, he's had 25 already!

begonyabampot · 06/07/2011 20:07

why do you keep coming back with more info OP? This is your man, this is how he is, you have accepted him as he is, you're having his child and planning to spend the rest of your life with him - you're enabling his childish behaviour but surely this is what you have signed up for as you know what he is like. Sorry, but it's hard to have too much sympathy (I did at the start but beginning to suspect you somehow enjoy the drama) , especially as you don't sound too downtrodden.

hairfullofsnakes · 06/07/2011 20:12

He always does this? Pull out? that is very twatty behaviour for you to keep putting up with... Why do you?

PrettyMeerkat · 06/07/2011 21:47

That's really harsh begonyabampot.

Original poster
MadYoungCatLady · 06/07/2011 22:15

I'm also 26 prettymeerkat

No begony I really dont enjoy any kind of drama. You know when you feel your eyes opening to something you have been ignoring for a long time? Thats how I feel. I have no-one else to talk to, and I havent spoken to anyone about his behaviour as I never really saw a problem before - for 18 months I've listened to his opinion and just got to the point where I culdnt be bothered trying to argue what he said anymore, it was easier to just accept whatever he did.
The support I have had through having the guts to write a thread about one incident is immense. I wish I had more guts to take a good hard look at this relationship with fresh eyes - but I am scared or being alone with two children by two different men.
I'm not asking anyone for sympathy. Please do not mistake my joy at having people tell me I'm not wrong for a change as loving drama.

OP posts:
Dozer · 06/07/2011 22:31

He is playing games. Awful.

PrettyMeerkat · 06/07/2011 22:33

What are you going to do OP? About the wedding but also long term?

BimboNo5 · 06/07/2011 22:35

Christ almighty he sounds like a six year old going on about cake from his Mummy and 'it wont be my reaaaall birthday'
It is utterly shameful for a grown up to be so self obsessed about a BIRTHDAY of all things!

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/07/2011 22:39

But it's not just the birthday, Bimbo. That's just his excuse for this family gathering. If it hadn't been his birthday, presumably he'd just have stuck with the 'just don't feel like it' line.

Maryz · 06/07/2011 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

begonyabampot · 07/07/2011 00:02

yes it was harsh and i really paused before pressing enter. Just seemed that the posters here were actually getting quite upset and outraged for the OP - this thread is really drawing people in in almost an emotional way while i felt that the OP seemed quite relaxed and blase about it - in a kind of LOL, guess what he did/said next whilst others were taking it very seriously.

Sorry OP, I know you are in quite a difficult, emotional place and facing your future is scary, especially if you decide to go it alone. I do hope you enjoy the wedding (sounds like you'd have a better time without him actually)and wish you all the best for whatever you do in the future.

thumbwitch · 07/07/2011 02:38

I second the poster who said tell your cousin NOW that your P is not going to be there. Tell him that since he isn't prepared to travel with you to ensure that he will actually attend, then you are cancelling his invitation. Tell him that his half-baked train idea is not an option as you just KNOW he will flake at the last minute. Tell him he has the option to spend his birthday with you and HE is blowing it, not you.

And then if he whinges, tell him to get to fuck.

That's easier said than done, I know - but IMO I believe that is the only way forward now - he is a selfish arse but there is no reason that his dicking around should spoil your cousin's wedding!

hairfullofsnakes · 07/07/2011 05:16

I have to say I kind of feel like begonyabampot as you are allowing yourself to put up with extremely awful behaviour and subjecting your child t this and then chose to get pg by a very poor excuse for a man. Your children deserve better than to grow up with this idiot so please do Yourself a favour and really consider what is best for you and your children. X

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