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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think ironing is part of a SAHM's chores?

168 replies

TillyIpswitch · 05/07/2011 06:54

OK, argue back with me people - and tell me IABU!!

I have recently taken up a full time SAHM positionWWIth 2 DC (2 and 11 months).

Before this i was in a full time job, very good salary, yada, yada, but we've recently immigrated (to my home country) so gave that up. Now, the full time Mum gig I can get in board with, but the housewifery bit... eeehh...

But what can you do? Surely if you're the one at home full time, and bringing in no income to the house, then swiping an iron over a few shirts is part and parcel?

I often see threads where people say they won't iron their DH's shirts but it seems a bit churlish to me to pick the DH's stuff out of the ironing pile and leave it for him.

My DH would never expect, let alone ask me to do his ironing, but I dunno, if I was in his position I honestly think I'd be privately thinking, 'you really can't do it...?'

For the record, I'm not some Stepford wife; I'm a long-time feminist trying to get my head around my new role, and yes, I do realise that you can do or not do whatever you want, housework-wise in the privacy of your own home but it would be good to hear from any other SAHMs if they have an particular tasks that they flat out refuse to do and your rationale.

OP posts:

upahill · 05/07/2011 13:25

lockets That what I was trying to say but I waffled!!

ReindeerBollocks · 05/07/2011 13:26

Why didn't I read this thread before finishing my ironing. I could have saved myself ironing eight of DH's work shirts .

I do most, if not all, of the housework but I think Tortoise has got the best mentality about this. DH shouted at me for not doing the housework a few weeks ago, when I'd been out of the house all day with DD and DS. Needless to say, we had words and he won't mention it again.

But generally I am of the opinion that I should do it all, but DD naps so I am lucky in that respect.

I agree with whomever said that DCs generate a lot of mess just being in the house, DD has got books, toys and stuff out now, and I tend to clear them a bit at a time, the clear the lot away when it's bedtime.

Prsonally I don't have an opinion on what others should do, as I think it depends on each couple, and all the other contributing factors to take into account, such as the type of job, the amount of children etc that having a uniformed idea of what a SAHP should do is just odd.

spookshowangel · 05/07/2011 13:29

just thinking about it some more...i have lovely new bf who knocked me up recently so we shall be moving in together soon and he is an ironer (spits). so does this now mean that i to will be expected to iron....because if he is perfectly capable of working all day and coming home and ironing him clothes when he lives on his own why would he not be when he lived with me?

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 05/07/2011 13:35

Katie, why on earth would you be ironing your and your baby's clothes while on mat leave anyway? Babies go through about a million outfits a week, all of which are, hopefully, made of soft stretchy cottony things that do not really crease. You will probably have drool/spit-up on your shoulder at any given moment, creases are not really an issue. Of course your partner doesn't want to come home from work and iron baby clothes - ironing baby clothes is bonkers.

LaWeasel · 05/07/2011 13:39

slinkyB I love my MIL.

LaWeasel · 05/07/2011 13:39

slinkyB I love my MIL.

valiumredhead · 05/07/2011 13:40

No, I don't iron anything. I fold from the drier, which has a smoothing cycle on it so no need to iron. BEST thing we ever bought

thumbwitch · 05/07/2011 13:46

"I think if you are all living together you all look after each other. It's hardly betraying any feminst principals for goodness sake!"

This works fine if the man in the equation pulls his weight too. If he doesn't, then you become the skivvy.

DH does no housework as such - he can put his own clothes in the wash but I'd rather deal with them myself so I can sort it into loads with mine and DS's clothes.
He does cook and do the washing up alternately with me - but that is really it on housework. Cleaning - no chance. Vacuuming - he hates it. Dusting - I'm sorry, what? Changing the bed - hahaha. It's as much as he can do to pick his clothes off the floor once a week.
Bathing DS? not a hope. Night time stuff with DS? no way. Doing anything other than playing with DS? nope.
I have absolutely NO compunction in getting him to do his own ironing.

upahill · 05/07/2011 13:56

Blimkey thumbwitch In that case I don't blame you for not doing his shirts!!

I would struggle to live with some one like that.

DH pulls more than his fair share tbh.
EG on Sunday I was working and tbh having a cushy time mountain biking with a group in Derbyshire. When I got home he had done the Tesco shop, all the bedding washed and back on, got the boys to do the hoovering and all the uniforms ironed ready for school/ work and there was a BBQ waiting which he had made up veggie kebabs for me.

Therefore I don't mind a jot that I have done his banking this morning and getting tea ready for everyone before I go to work later this afternoon.

I knew DH was going to be good before I married him. I lived with a few great blokes before him but I knew I would have been a skivvy so I moved on from them.

pommedechocolat · 05/07/2011 18:23

Upahill is he available for hire? He sounds fab.

cymruoddicatref · 05/07/2011 18:33

I've started paying my daughter to iron - she's 14 - £3.30 an hour - but I pay her in trips to top shop etc where I hand over the cash to the sales assistant in return for some covetted item of clothing, rather than giving her actual money - and we are fairly relaxed about how many "hours" she has done, so I probably lose out financially .... But it's better than giving her an allowance, and on a good day (with a sufficiently enticing garment in the frame) she will even scrub the floor or Hoover (boast).

I work full time, so it works for us - she doesn't go near my husband's shirts though.

sunshineandshowers13 · 05/07/2011 18:42

Tortoise wouldnt dream of implying you are either lying or incompetant. That wasnt what i was saying and i'm sorry if i offended you . My point is that as a family there should surely be an "us" attitude to family life. To my mind separating laundry so my dh could do his own is somewhat odd.

I was lucky in that my 3 did nap during the day, but not all at the same time or for very long. Of course the children were and are the priority, as it should be. They do make a mess just being the house, they are children.

Apologies OP, think i have gone off your point Enjoy your time with your dc's cos it will fly by - even if sometimes you think its lasting forever! And give yourself a break - no mum is supermum (even they pretend on the surface they are )

biryani · 05/07/2011 19:23

Do whatever you think is practical and works. Personally, I would rather dump place dc in front of the gogglebox for an hour to get some ironing done, and not feel guilty about it. I know many who do not iron at all, but I am not one of them. To me, ironing is a chore like any other, and I agree with what other posters have said about divisions of labour etc. If one partner is out at work, it makes perfect sense for the other partner who's at home to be doing home-related stuff such as ironing.

CheerfulYank · 05/07/2011 19:27

All three of us wear jeans, t-shirts, and trainers pretty much every day so no ironing involved. DH works 12 hour days and I work 4 hour days during the school year and not at all in June, July, and August, so I do most of the household things, yes. My main job is to take care of DS and then do the washing, cooking, cleaning, etc, because I am home most of the time. If DH worked my hours and I his I would expect him to do those things. I will not pick up after him though, that is not my job.

goinnowhere · 05/07/2011 19:30

I am another non-ironer too. Just put stuff away, and if it's desperate when you get it out, give it a quick press then.

I am more concerned that some people are never letting their small children be bored sometimes. Seriously, it is hard to stop entertaining them sometimes,but I firmly believe you should. If, at that point you fancy a bit of ironing, then fine, or if you fancy a cup of tea, fine. I don't think you become a skivvy, if you iron a couple of shirts if you have 5 mins though, and DH is out at work, only if he orders you to do it

nethunsreject · 05/07/2011 19:43

I don't iron.

Dh does his shirts modt of the time.

I have a 5yr old and a very high maintainence 1 yr old. Think Damian and you're nearly there

I do the majority of household chores around the kids' needs with dh filling in.

It is about division of labour, I agree, but first priority is the kids' wellbeing and fun. Then the washing, cooking and hygeine. The rest is as and when poss.

nethunsreject · 05/07/2011 19:45

Oh, yy to the boredom! Learning to entertain oneself is vital for kids. But by the time the food is cooked and the basic cleaning is doen, there's little time for anythig else.

AnnieLobeseder · 05/07/2011 19:49

Your primary job as a SAHP is to look after the children. Anything else you get done it a bonus.

Ironing sucks and is unnecessary. Why should anyone do it if they don't want to? Are you the chore police?

CocktailQueen · 05/07/2011 19:52

I'm a sahm but I don't iron - much. We have an ironing lady. Might be unreasonable but I don't enjoy it and I do all other housework and cooking etc.......

TrinIsASadSpottyFatRhino · 05/07/2011 19:53

yabu to iron at all

EttiKetti · 05/07/2011 19:55

My DH does the ironing, I normally work 16 hrs but have been off sick for months and he's still done it every week...

TheseThingsAreGoodThings · 05/07/2011 19:56

I recently discovered the joys of non iron shirts. They are truly the best invention ever. Just give them a shake out of the washing machine and hang them up.

waffler · 05/07/2011 21:00

I am a young, married mother, only 23 and my son is 7 months old. My husband and I have established our understanding and expectation from each other since the very beginning of our relationship.

We see ourselves as having two different responsibilities. His responsibility is to provide for the family, my responsibility is mainly the nurturing and upbringing of our children, but also the upkeep of the house. I like it that our roles are distinguished in this way.

However, this does not mean that I do not get help from him with housework tasks. I am simply the one to delegate where help is needed most when he is available. He knows that I will spend my time as best I can keeping up with it all, and understands that sometimes I may not be up to scratch. As such, I will try my best to get the ironing done but he does understand if I hadn't yet got round to doing his shirts, and he will happily do them himself. As such, if my husband is unable to provide enough money for our family in future years, I will go to work. I may go to work just for the experience when all the children are in school, but that is a long way off yet.

My point is, I don't think it really matters all that much who does anything, so long as you each know exactly what the other expects of you, and compromises made if needed.

pommedechocolat · 05/07/2011 21:31

Hmm. What I hate though Waffler is that I have to TELL DH what to do on small, repetitive non changing things like changing the bin or wiping surfaces. That's the bit that grates on me.

wasabipeanut · 05/07/2011 21:43

OP YABU. I'm a SAHM that works irregularly (freelance probably averages a couple of days a month). My job is to look after kids - IMO that includes ensuring that they have a reasonably clean environment and a supply of clean clothes. So yes, housework is part of the deal. I also think its fair that I assume primary responsibilty for cooking in the evening for DH as he is out all day and although I am busy I am still based at home. However, we tend to take it in turns to iron and he helps me cooking supper and what have you. He doesn't come home, slump on the sofa and say "what's for dinner?" He would get very short shrift if he did....

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