Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

To think ironing is part of a SAHM's chores?

168 replies

TillyIpswitch · 05/07/2011 06:54

OK, argue back with me people - and tell me IABU!!

I have recently taken up a full time SAHM positionWWIth 2 DC (2 and 11 months).

Before this i was in a full time job, very good salary, yada, yada, but we've recently immigrated (to my home country) so gave that up. Now, the full time Mum gig I can get in board with, but the housewifery bit... eeehh...

But what can you do? Surely if you're the one at home full time, and bringing in no income to the house, then swiping an iron over a few shirts is part and parcel?

I often see threads where people say they won't iron their DH's shirts but it seems a bit churlish to me to pick the DH's stuff out of the ironing pile and leave it for him.

My DH would never expect, let alone ask me to do his ironing, but I dunno, if I was in his position I honestly think I'd be privately thinking, 'you really can't do it...?'

For the record, I'm not some Stepford wife; I'm a long-time feminist trying to get my head around my new role, and yes, I do realise that you can do or not do whatever you want, housework-wise in the privacy of your own home but it would be good to hear from any other SAHMs if they have an particular tasks that they flat out refuse to do and your rationale.

OP posts:

Ormirian · 05/07/2011 12:06

If you are at home, physically present in the house, I think the onus is on you to do the majority of the household chores. Simply because the alternative means that whoever isn't in the house will then have to spend their 'free' time doing them. Which would be fine if there were no children in the family. As soon as there are children present there are far more important things to be doing - eg playing with DC, helping them with hw, reading with them, bathing them, getting them to bed. If all chores have to be shared equally by the WOHP and the SAHP when does the WOHP get to be with and interact with the children?

Oakmaiden · 05/07/2011 12:17

Initial Reaction - Oh, Bog Off...

But that is just me... I hate ironing and if it becomes an essential part of my motherly job description then I am handing in my notice....

tryingtoleave · 05/07/2011 12:19

I'm with tortoise. DS stopped napping when he turned two and only started playing on his own when he was 4.5. By then I had a two year old DD who would be hassling him while he was trying to play so I have to keep intervening anyway. For a long time I was up all night with a baby, then doing a thirteen hour shift keeping a baby and a toddler who didn't nap happy. No way was there time to iron, or even to do basic housework, if I'm honest. By the time DS went to preschool, I was already limiting DD to an hour's nap (so she would go to bed), which was time to clean up the breakfast stuff, put on a load of washing and eat a bit of lunch.

Anyway, I don't want to spoil dh and get him used to being ironed for.

KatieWatie · 05/07/2011 12:20

My DH has been quite clear that he expects me to do the ironing whilst on mat leave whilst the baby hopefully sleeps. I was on board with this and never thought it unreasonable until I read the responses here

However I don't and won't iron DH's stuff (the joys of being with an ex-military man who won't allow it!), and I put my foot down about ironing bed linen and tea towels (FFS) several years ago - we used to divide them between us, I can't believe it now!

Personally I don't mind a bit of ironing, it beats working, and how much time will a few kids clothes take anyway or am I being naive?

So yes I don't know if YABU or not because my DH happily does his own and my child isn't even born yet, and plus I quite like ironing once I get round to it.

islanzadi · 05/07/2011 12:21

I don't iron anything. Unless they're so creased it's unwearable.i just use anti crease on thr washing machine and ready to wear on the tumble dryer. Dh irons his work shirts when he needs them.

NotShortImFunSized · 05/07/2011 12:25

I never iron. Unless we are going to a wedding

I'm lucky if the washing makes it to the wardrobes and drawers before being worn again. I dread to think what it would be like if it was sat there waiting to be ironed too

tryingtoleave · 05/07/2011 12:29

What work does ironing beat?

Katie, when ds was a newborn, he napped for 40 min in the morning (time for a shower and get dressed), 40 min at midday, when I collapsed into bed with him after a broken night, and 40 min as I pushed him in the stroller in the afternoon.

I was planning to finish my phd while the baby napped...

ha ha ha ...

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 05/07/2011 12:34

And ironing around children is dangerous. I brushed past the ironstand on the end of the board, aged about two and burnt my cheek so badly it blistered.
Maybe that is why I am allergic to ironing!

tryingtoleave · 05/07/2011 12:35

Actually, by dd, I knew better and could have done ironing if I didn't have a toddler to look after as well. For instance, I showered with her, so wouldn't have wasted no.1 nap showering. I coslept, so was slightly less exhausted. I learnt that if you put baby in a sling you can get the housework done while the baby falls asleep, and then put the baby down and have a rest once she is asleep.

But not everyone wants to parent like that.

nocake · 05/07/2011 12:36

My DW is currently on maternity leave and there's no way I'd expect her to do the ironing. I'd rather she spent time playing with DD and recovering from another crap nights sleep than ironing my shirts.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 05/07/2011 12:39

Clearly it depends an awful lot on what sort of children you have - how old, how many, and how nap-friendly. As I said upthread, if I had a child who napped for four hours per day, in two hour blocks, I'd absolutely do the ironing! And the DIY, and make my own bread, and whatnot. But for me, it is, genuinely, a zero sum game: any increase in housework that I do is a decrease in time spent with my daughter.

And that's the point I wanted to get back to, because I feel like we've drifted off the OP's original point a bit and got into our usual 'is SAHM-ing easier than WOH-ing' conversation.

OP, you said upthread that to get the housework done, you used TV. Which, some people have a higher tolerance level than others, I'm not at all getting into in and of itself. BUT for you, with your children's age split, it's clearly the case that you cannot do the housework to your own self-imposed standard without resorting to telly, right? You're not lazy, and you're not incompetent, that's just the way it is with your children the age they are.

So it comes down to your priorities. Personally, when I was the main breadwinner (well, I still am, but I really mean when DH was a SAHD), I'd have been utterly horrified if I'd come home at the end of the day and he'd put the baby in front of the telly so that he could do my shirts for the next day. I was 'paying', if you like, for DD to have superb one-on-one parental care, not for me to have a PA. And that's the crux of this argument, I think. What, and who, are you a SAHM for? Is it for your children, or for your husband?

When they're older and you can do all of it, it won't be an issue. But these threads get started by people who are struggling, despite their best efforts, to do it all. I would be, with an 11 month old and a 2 year old! So something has to give. It's your choice what that thing is, but keep in mind the purpose of your SAHMing.

ThisIsJustASagaNow · 05/07/2011 12:40

I am a sahm. All dc ft in school . And I have an ironing lady

I have no problem with that arrangment and nor does dh Who cares what other people do or think? Really?

RhinestoneCowgirl · 05/07/2011 12:41

Gah, just typed long post and then lost it...

But basically what Tortoiseshell just said.

pommedechocolat · 05/07/2011 12:44

Hmm at the moment my weekly ironing basket consists of just the 5 shirts for dh's work. Have one dd who I am at home with 3 days a week and who still has a nap of an hour or so around lunch. I do this ironing. Sometimes I do it at the weekend when dh is playing with dd.
I don't mind it.
At the moment. May all change and then dh will just have to go back to ironing his own shirts as he did pre dd.
Anyway if I feel really stroppy about it can always shout - I WORK TOO GODDAMMIT.
I like doing that.

Funtimewincies · 05/07/2011 12:45

Fortunately dh doesn't give a toss what I do all day as a SAHM as long as the place hasn't burnt down and the children haven't escaped or been taken into care.

This is possibly because I'm an adult and can manage my time without being told what I should and shouldn't be doing with it and because he believes that interacting with the children and just living life are as important as a pile of neatly folded ironing.

I love him for this attitude to life although I'd love him to cut the lawn a little more often. I'd never dream of telling him he should do it though.

upahill · 05/07/2011 12:51

I think it is churlish to say things like 'DH can iron his own shirts- I'm not his mother/ keeper/skivvy whaterver
In our house we do things that need doing and for each other without having a millitant stance on it.

When I was on Mat leave I didn't over think things and just got on with whatever needed doing whether it be changing a nappy, mopping the floor, ironing the shirts or watching the Tweenies (it was a while ago it has to be said!!)

I think if you are all living together you all look after each other. It's hardly betraying any feminst principals for goodness sake!

And lets face it with me there everyday the washing and ironing hardly piled up.

DH does jobs that I couldn't be arsed with but should - taxes, maintains valets my car, sorts the garden out, does the Christmas decorations, does the kids homework with them (Not saying I can't be arsed with that one but he has more patience)

KatieWatie · 05/07/2011 13:05

This is possibly because I'm an adult and can manage my time
Yes, me too.
What he expects and what may happen in reality are 2 different things.

I make it clear I expect him to put his clothes in the washbasket not leave them on top of it (because he's an adult too :o) but it doesn't mean he does it and I don't whip him about it if he doesn't. I guess, being in a relationship, we both have expectations of each other but we don't fall out if they're not met so I'm a bit confused by the point you're making in your post to be honest.

My point really is that DH (possibly unreasonably, possibly reasonably, who knows til the baby is here it's new ground for both of us) would like to not have to come home from work and start ironing my (and child's) clothes and he has told me so. I thought this was pretty reasonable and it's easy for me to agree with him for now, but if we get a very demanding child then things might be different.

I'm pretty open minded really and I don't mind him saying what he would expect and how he expects things to be when various life changing events happen. I do it too, it's part of the discussions we have with each other in our household as we are both planners and talk openly about things. If things don't turn out like we planned we roll with it but we like to know we have a plan in the first place. I never thought of it as odd

KatieWatie · 05/07/2011 13:08

Oh and I will be interacting with my child. Again . I don't think ironing whilst it's (hopefully) asleep will stop me from doing this, but as I said maybe I'm being naive what do I know about child-rearing!

Funtimewincies · 05/07/2011 13:12

Sorry to confuse Katie, I suppose my point is two-fold;

Laying down a standard which. if not kept up by you, will be taken as some kind of failure in his eyes.
When your dh comes home will your working day finish too? If he's stamping his feet about not wanting to iron in the evenings, can you do likewise about not wanting to cook or look after the children?

pommedechocolat · 05/07/2011 13:16

Katie - all children are demanding.

Even when they are lovely the leave you smeared in stuff, hollow eyed and feeling like you are functioning on about half a brain cell.

BlooferLady · 05/07/2011 13:19

I am not allowed near my husband's shirts since the day he got bellowed at by his sergeant for having three 'stripes' ironed into the sleeves, a la Adidas sportswear

Funtimewincies · 05/07/2011 13:21

I think that people must be made of sterner stuff that me .

Faced with being knackered and finally achieving a sleeping child, I'm tempted to say 'bugger it' and make myself a cuppa, before starting to clear up the stuff that ds2 has spread around the house and putting it back so that a) I don't fall over it again and b) so that he can enjoy repeating the exercise .

Talking of which, the hoover beckons...

...oh bugger it!

lockets · 05/07/2011 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spookshowangel · 05/07/2011 13:23

i have not picked up an iron in year, i will sometimes run a pair of straightners over something if its a dire need but as a general rule. i dont iron.

spookshowangel · 05/07/2011 13:23

suppose to say in years

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Swipe left for the next trending thread