To think ironing is part of a SAHM's chores?

[TillyIpswitch]

OK, argue back with me people - and tell me IABU!!

I have recently taken up a full time SAHM positionWWIth 2 DC (2 and 11 months).

Before this i was in a full time job, very good salary, yada, yada, but we've recently immigrated (to my home country) so gave that up. Now, the full time Mum gig I can get in board with, but the housewifery bit... eeehh...

But what can you do? Surely if you're the one at home full time, and bringing in no income to the house, then swiping an iron over a few shirts is part and parcel?

I often see threads where people say they won't iron their DH's shirts but it seems a bit churlish to me to pick the DH's stuff out of the ironing pile and leave it for him.

My DH would never expect, let alone ask me to do his ironing, but I dunno, if I was in his position I honestly think I'd be privately thinking, 'you really can't do it...?'

For the record, I'm not some Stepford wife; I'm a long-time feminist trying to get my head around my new role, and yes, I do realise that you can do or not do whatever you want, housework-wise in the privacy of your own home but it would be good to hear from any other SAHMs if they have an particular tasks that they flat out refuse to do and your rationale.

Tee - I'm sorry to hear that. Glad he is on the mend.

I genuinely can't iron - last time I tried, I dropped the iron on the back of my hand! (I think it might be because i'm left handed??)

I do all the other household chores and all the admin/ banking stuff (SAHM).

Dh does moan about ironing his shirts - we may look into paying someone to do it.

At washing your Dh's scrote!

Those of you saying that it's not fulltime work; I've been vocal and repetitive on this thread and many others about the fact that I find it to be exactly that.

Do you think I'm lying, or do you think I'm spending more time with my children than I should be?

(I'm at work today, thus the MNing, by the way)

I don't iron, full stop.

And I don't see any household 'chore' as part of my job. I look after the children during the day.

In the evening, dh & I look after the house.

But that doesn't include ironing. because that's a pointless waste of time.

I have never thought taking care of children is a full time job, compared with my paid job . I'd be cheerfully ironing in your shoes too.

I can't park my clients in front of the TV for an hour (or 3 ) while I do whatever I like

I work PT 16 hours a week, dh full time on varying shifts. I iron mine, dh and ds clothes. I don't mind doing it and it's something I like done. Dh can't iron to save his life but would give it a go if needed. I'm crap at cutting the grass, cleaning the car so dh does it. He cooks a mean roast dinner, i always burn the roasties. Sometimes I do more, sometimes i do less and vice versa. It matters not in this household, someone will do what needs doing eventually :)

I'm amazed actually at how many selfish people there are on here who think that they have a harder job than their OH. Surely its all about partnership and compromise?
We live in the real world and sometimes we have to sit our children in front of cbeebies for 10 mins to get the tea started/washing on/showered etc. Just like we have to sometimes let them have a kitkat 1hr before tea or wear an outfit they have chosen themselves eek
Its not being a bad mum its real life .

I had 3 under 4 at home (not now, all at school) and was a sahm and i'm sorry but i would not expect my DH to come home and iron his own bloody shirts, just lke i'm sure he wouldnt ask me to be his secretary!

I think men are getting a bit of a raw deal tbh i do though - if we mums were the ones working full time outside the home - then i'm sure we'd be blooming annoyed to come home and find DH having spent a bout 10 mins seperating the washing into "his" and "hers" instead of just doing it!
And yes - maybe sahm should do better and get off facebook and mn a bit and then they would have more time awaiting backlash .
off to check facebook before shwer!

There are also periods of the day when for a SAHP, babies and toddlers will be napping and older children will be at playgroup or occupying themselves for 15 minutes or so, so it's not exactly non stop.

but sometimes this is a SAHP's only time off. When my DH comes home, I am still doing chores until 10pm whilst he collapses in a chair. I am also up with the DCs if they wake up at night and doing pretty much the same stuff all weekend. I don't get a day off or even a whole evening off so if I get 15 minutes spare in the day I will have a cuppa or attempt to relax and I won't apologise or feel guilty. Even WOHP's get a lunch break, why shouldn't I?

I do all the ironing be use I quite enjoy it. I do have cleaners though because I hate housework.

Yabu. Families are unique. Do what makes the all of you as happy as possible through compromise, mutual support and common sense.

If you start trying to work out who should be doing what in a grudging way then you are fucked. We just help each other and try to make each others lives easy. If you are not working these things out from a position of selfishness then you will bit be reasonable

Cleaners? Plural?

Ahhh, sunshine, so you do think I'm either lying or incompetent?

Tortoise - I've just returned to work after my second (year long) maternity leave. I come home in the evening far more energised and able to attack household chores than a day at home with a baby and child either end of the school day. My dh took the first 3 weeks of my return to work off and now he understands the grinding inability to get anything done when looking after dc.

So, yes I agree with you - looking after children is a full time job. For me/us anyway.

Well, quite. I work part time, I'm only posting because I'm at work today, because I don't get a chance to post during my days at home. So it's not like I've lost all basis for comparison!

And I think that if anyone's sticking their child in front of the TV for hours on end to get the housework done, that's an issue. To me, you stay at home if you feel that you can provide a higher standard of care than a paid professional, and hours of TV per day falls short of that.

I'm perfectly prepared to be called pfb or overzealous. I think I'm a fantastic mum, actually, and my daughter's a lucky girl. But what I am NOT is lazy or selfish!

I don't iron my DH's clothes. Or anyone's, for that matter. When he took a year off work he didn't iron mine either. Occasionally he hung my washing on the line to take advantage of a sunny day, I do the same for him, if he asks. I generally cook, as we like to eat early.

Life is too short to iron.

I can't park my clients in front of the TV for an hour (or 3 ) while I do whatever I like

I would happily swap your clients (you're a dentist, aren't you) for my 2yr old. What is this myth that children will watch TV for an hour (or 3) & why haven't they told dd2 (2yr old) about it?

She will watch TV for 10 minutes max. Doesn't matter what is on. Her current favourite is Fireman Sam, she will watch on episode & then start her plan to over rule the world!

Keeping her occupied is a full time job....where as with dd1, it wasn't. It was much more slower placed, she would watch TV all day if I let her (which was a god send when I was pregnant with dd2, as I was quite ill & she would happily sit while I nodded off).

Dd2 is nothing like that!

Am even more amazed now by the people who find time to MN while in paid employment....

My MIL took me aside the other day and said "you've got it right you know - you should never let men get out of the habit of doing things around the house, otherwise when you go back to work you'll still be doing it all and they'll've forgotten that they used to be capable of cleaning, cooking and washing by themselves."

Very wise.

I make DH do his own shirts.

I'm sorry this iron you speak of?
Nope sorry!
I sometimes supervise DP's ironing but If he irons it's up to him. I hate the blooming thing!

(He also cooks a couple of times a week and everything at the weekend is split 50/50.)

I have only read OP.

For a start you are probably ironing far more than you need to, but it's up to you as a couple to decide how much housework needs doing and then to divide it up.

The fair division is labour is one where both partners get an equal amount of time to sit down/rest/do as they please. If you have easy children or children at school then that might mean that all chores are done during the day. If you have many small children or they are difficult/demanding then it might mean that a lot of housework gets done in the evening and weekends. Either way, you should both get the same amount of time to sit on the sofa with your feet up.

And he does weekday bedtimes.

And weekday mornings from 7-8 (that's one's only because I'm pregnant though and need the extra sleep)

WRT chores etc, I agree with Trillian, it really depends on the nature of your children. DS was very easygoing for the first few months - he would nap a lot, lie on the mat happily for 20 minutes - so I could get a fair few jobs done during the day. Lately though he's been far more demanding and has decided naps are for losers, so I've hardly had a minute to do anything. This morning is literally the first time in three weeks that he's had any nap at all during the day. So I'm sitting down with a coffee and enjoying my one and only daytime break for 3 weeks. No way am I doing work. (that said as soon as I put him down I did some washing up).