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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think ironing is part of a SAHM's chores?

168 replies

TillyIpswitch · 05/07/2011 06:54

OK, argue back with me people - and tell me IABU!! Grin

I have recently taken up a full time SAHM positionWWIth 2 DC (2 and 11 months).

Before this i was in a full time job, very good salary, yada, yada, but we've recently immigrated (to my home country) so gave that up. Now, the full time Mum gig I can get in board with, but the housewifery bit... eeehh...

But what can you do? Surely if you're the one at home full time, and bringing in no income to the house, then swiping an iron over a few shirts is part and parcel?

I often see threads where people say they won't iron their DH's shirts but it seems a bit churlish to me to pick the DH's stuff out of the ironing pile and leave it for him.

My DH would never expect, let alone ask me to do his ironing, but I dunno, if I was in his position I honestly think I'd be privately thinking, 'you really can't do it...?'

For the record, I'm not some Stepford wife; I'm a long-time feminist trying to get my head around my new role, and yes, I do realise that you can do or not do whatever you want, housework-wise in the privacy of your own home Grin but it would be good to hear from any other SAHMs if they have an particular tasks that they flat out refuse to do and your rationale.

OP posts:
CrapolaDeVille · 05/07/2011 07:20

I iron 6 people's clothes, never my DH's.

Omigawd · 05/07/2011 07:25

I found there is a huge difference in time available when DCs are pre school vs at school, and when you are managing 1 vs more. Two pre schoolers under 3 is the worst so at the moment let DH iron.

It also depended on DH's job and how long they are at home, when doing a lot of travelling/ working away from home it's not feasible for them to do house chores

Fwiw the one thing we did do once DC2 arrived was employ a cleaner once a week who also ironed DH shirts

youarekidding · 05/07/2011 07:27

I iron everything.

I have no choice DS (6) is a bit young?

I work F/t. So usually come home to 'morning mess' and DS helps be have a quick blitz.

Then drink/snack and chat. He plays I cook. He tidies up table I wash up.

He is just beginning to do some chores without needing to be asked as he realises they need doing.

Everybodies situation is different. Some SAHM have a partner working F/T. This though could involve them being out of the house from 5am-8pm or from 8-6.30pm or sometimes 4am-10pm. I would have thought the hours they are out of the home would play a huge part in what contribution they can play in it.

Weekends are fair game and equal IMO if your both at home.

Theres nothing I refuse to do because I can't but are a few I'd like to. Grin

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 05/07/2011 07:27

Big deal as in problem, not as in something I don't feel matters. I just don't see it as a problem. It's no big deal. You do what you can do. It all gets done.

We'll have to agree to disagree, Tee, with no criticism of the other's pov. Yes, it's more chaotic when they're young. Mine are on the threshold of sullen teendom now Grin so the juggling two toddlers one on each hip which trying to cook them some dinner that won't get chucked on the floor days, the trying to stop one toddler walking through the dirty nappy the other one has just flung across the room days Grin are long gone!

I just - genuinely - don't see any of it as a big deal. You look after the children, you cook, you clean, you work, you do what you can do, what doesn't get done get's left until you get round to it Grin it's just ... general life stuff that's got to be taken care of. It does no good to wind yourself up into feeling like it's this big undealable (not a word, I know Grin ) beastie that drowns you. It just needs doing.

Bonsoir · 05/07/2011 07:28

If you are a SAHM and your DH wants ironed shirts and he is providing you with a decent standard of living, it is, IMVHO, your responsibility to ensure that his shirts are ironed as part and parcel of ensuring the household is run properly. Whether or not you do that yourself or outsource it to a cleaner or ironing company is entirely up to you. But I think that a SAHM has primary responsibility for laundry and ironing and ensuring it gets done, if only because laundry is a very slow but also low intensity task that is very easy to achieve when you are popping in and out of your house all day and very difficult to achieve when you come home late at night.

HelloKlitty · 05/07/2011 07:33

I iron NOTHING and never will. And when my DC are playing (they never nap) that is when I either have my break or clean the mess they've made.

Both DH and I are proud to be creased. If he saw me ironing his shirt he'd panic...he's much better at it than I...we iron for special occasions only.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 05/07/2011 07:33

Laundry is, but ironing isn't, surely? I wouldn't iron with small children under my feet - cords, hot heavy objects, they can't see what I'm doing or 'help', it's inherently child-unfriendly. It has to be done in the evening, so the only rationale for a SAHP to be doing it after bedtime rather than the WOHP is if you believe that the SAHP's day has been easier.

cory · 05/07/2011 07:34

Imho this is a type of contract that has to be negotiated on an individual basis.

Tee2072 · 05/07/2011 07:34

Actually my son is 2. Grin

HelloKlitty · 05/07/2011 07:35

Bonsoir....So if a DH is earning crap money then he doesn't deserve ironed shirts?

Makeminealarge · 05/07/2011 07:35

After giving up FT work to become a SAHM, i found it difficult to comprehend the almost 1950s stigma housewife attitude attached to my new role. If i didnt do housework the DP makes little comments, if i only did the basic ironing (which i LOATHE) my mother likes to make little comments. basically im a crap SAHM.

BUT i love love love playing and entertaining with my DD everyday who is one, and meeting up with other mums etc. I am a busy bee every day, but not with housework. id much rather have a life. So, i do what i can when i can. But i dont make it the be all and end all to do housework. As long as my family and house are clean and presentable, i dont care that i 'have' to do the extra jobs such as clean the oven, do the ironing, hoover, mop floors yada yada yada. I tell my DP if its such a big deal to him, then he can do it. :D

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 05/07/2011 07:35

heehee, you are knackered, aren't you? Grin

Don't worry, when mine were that age, I regularly blanked on their names.

V embarrassing! Grin

Bonsoir · 05/07/2011 07:35

I wouldn't iron with small children running around, but when they are in bed having a nap in the day is IMO a very good time to iron. I associate laundry and ironing because they happen in the same place - in order to put dry clothes away they need to be taken off the clothes horse and transit via the ironing board!

Zimm · 05/07/2011 07:36

YABU to iron - waste of time, effort and electrical energy. I'm really hoping ironing disappears in the next 30 years or so, I just can't get my head round it. More generally - I think the at home parent should do whatever housework they can whilst prioritising the care of DC. Everything else should be split between the 2 of you so you end up with equal leisure time.

cory · 05/07/2011 07:39

Bonsoir Tue 05-Jul-11 07:28:50
"If you are a SAHM and your DH wants ironed shirts and he is providing you with a decent standard of living, it is, IMVHO, your responsibility to ensure that his shirts are ironed as part and parcel of ensuring the household is run properly."

Ah, that lets me out, then! Grin

MollysChamber · 05/07/2011 07:40

Bonsoir are you a SAHM?

Tee2072 · 05/07/2011 07:40

Bathy I've been so tired and stressed this week due to my son being very ill (he's much better today!) and an issue with a client, that when my son's nursery rang me yesterday about something I actually thought they were ringing to tell me to come get him...and he was here, asleep in his room. Not at nursery at all! Blush

And we actually agree. Things get done or don't get done. Personally, the ironing never gets done. Grin

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 05/07/2011 07:43

If my next child naps, I promise to revisit my entire position on this one.

A friend of mine tells me that her son napped twice a day, in his cot, for two hours at a time, until he was TWO. That's four free hours a day. If you've got one of those children, I suppose you would be thinking Hmm at women like me who are saying we don't have time to iron!

thumbwitch · 05/07/2011 07:45

YOU can do what you like. It's YOUR choice. However, YOU are not representative of all SAHMs - so it's also up to THEM whether or not they want to do the ironing. Therefore YABU.

I don't iron. DH irons whichever shirts he feels need it after they've been hung to dry on hangers - some do, some don't. It's his choice to iron them.

janey68 · 05/07/2011 07:46

Lets get real here- its the 21st century, domestic chores are hardly a full time job. Its not like we're all hand washing bed sheets and putting them through the mangle, using a carpet sweeper to clean, and walking 5 miles around a dozen local shops to get the food in!!!

I totally agree with magnificent- it really doesn't have to be a huge deal- at the end of the day, washing gets done and meals cooked whether both parents work, or one or neither! Jobs can easily expand to fit the time available- so if you want to believe running a home is a full time job then you'll probably convince yourself it is!

feckwit · 05/07/2011 07:47

Well I don't iron, but if I did I would agree with you.

Make me chuckle when people say that if you are keeping the house clean etc etc then you must not be spending time with your children, I mean wtf? I have 4, they're now all at school. But when they were smaller I still managed to keep the house to a reasonable standard and spend time with the children, it isn't that hard surely?

It is just about being organised, putting washing on before you go to bed, keeping up with the chores so the house does not get out of hand. It IS possible to, for example, iron whilst the children are next to you so youa re still engaging on conversation. I used to do things like peg oput the washing whilst they drew pictures with water on the patio...

But then I don't subscribe to the "keeping your child entertained all day" way of life. They ahve to learn to play and entertain themselves for parts of the day.

So in answer, as a sahm (although I now work 14 hours or so in the evenings), yes I think I should do most household tasks and always have done.

Asinine · 05/07/2011 07:47

I refuse to decide if anyone else's clothes are clean or dirty if they are on the floor.

The 'sniff test' should only be done by the person who wore them...

WriterofDreams · 05/07/2011 07:48

In my book a person's laundry is part of their personal hygiene. I don't wash my DH's scrotum (much as he might want me to Grin) and I don't wash his dirty clothes. Nor do I iron them, or anything else for that matter. I know some people like ironing and that's fair enough but if you don't like it, why do it? I honestly can't see any point in it.

janey68 · 05/07/2011 07:50

And if being a SAHM is literally non stop work, I don't think we'd see half the number of daytime posts on MN Grin

Chandon · 05/07/2011 07:50

I don't think YOU (OP), or anyone else (DH, a WOHM, anyone) can dictate to me what should or should not be part of my daily chores.

Surely it is between your H and yourself to decide?

When I stayed at home, it was for the children, not for the chores, if that makes sense. I cook and iron most days, but often don't and if H woudl ever comment it would not go down well.

I did not sign up to be a skivvy, I signed up to be a present mum.