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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think ironing is part of a SAHM's chores?

168 replies

TillyIpswitch · 05/07/2011 06:54

OK, argue back with me people - and tell me IABU!! Grin

I have recently taken up a full time SAHM positionWWIth 2 DC (2 and 11 months).

Before this i was in a full time job, very good salary, yada, yada, but we've recently immigrated (to my home country) so gave that up. Now, the full time Mum gig I can get in board with, but the housewifery bit... eeehh...

But what can you do? Surely if you're the one at home full time, and bringing in no income to the house, then swiping an iron over a few shirts is part and parcel?

I often see threads where people say they won't iron their DH's shirts but it seems a bit churlish to me to pick the DH's stuff out of the ironing pile and leave it for him.

My DH would never expect, let alone ask me to do his ironing, but I dunno, if I was in his position I honestly think I'd be privately thinking, 'you really can't do it...?'

For the record, I'm not some Stepford wife; I'm a long-time feminist trying to get my head around my new role, and yes, I do realise that you can do or not do whatever you want, housework-wise in the privacy of your own home Grin but it would be good to hear from any other SAHMs if they have an particular tasks that they flat out refuse to do and your rationale.

OP posts:
JIRkids · 05/07/2011 11:10

Really depends, it is hard to get housework done when children of your age are up and about. However, if they nap at the same time everyday for a couple of hours then you do have time to get things done. If they don't nap at the same time then you don't really have time do you? Ironing is also different to other housework in that involves a dangerous item that if you have to leave for a second to grab a child the other child could pull it down on them. I never ironed while kids were up but did do other housework, generally having to use TV as babysitter while I did it.

FooffyShmoofferschinhair · 05/07/2011 11:16

As a SAHM ironing does not become your immediate responsibility.
I iron all our clothes as I hate cleaning the bathroom.
DH cleans the bathroom as he hates ironing.
He works full time but realises that care of the DCs comes first, I do what I can beyond that and everything else is shared responsibility.

I can't see how it's anymore complicated than that.

bibbitybobbityhat · 05/07/2011 11:19

Who would iron your dh's shirts if he didn't live with you? Either he would, or he would pay someone else to do it. No need for him to suddenly become incapable just because he is married.

Insomnia11 · 05/07/2011 11:22

I think it's up to each couple to make arrangements as to who does what in the house between them. There is no right or wrong as to who should do what, other than that both of you should be reasonably happy with the arrangements.

sausagesandmarmelade · 05/07/2011 11:22

I'm not a SAHM but have no problems ironing DHs shirts...why would I?

He does so much around the home anyway...general cleaning, decorating, lawn mowing etc etc and the odd bit of cooking.

All a part of sharing and caring...

LovelyDaffs · 05/07/2011 11:25

I don't work, I don't have dc's at home during the school day and I don't iron. I have a lovely lady who's coming later, charges about £10 per week and brings it all back the next day. I hate ironing, it makes me bad tempered so DH and the DC's insisted that I stop - I took no persuading.

MollysChamber · 05/07/2011 11:25

By that logic bibbity he'd be making his own dinner as well.

If I'm ironing I do DH's too. Seems a bit odd not too. Mind you he often makes dinner. Give and take really.

sausagesandmarmelade · 05/07/2011 11:26

Have to add that DH has on occasions done some of my ironing too....

buzzsore · 05/07/2011 11:28

I certainly wouldn't pick out his stuff from the ironing pile not to do. That would be petty.

But I don't have an ironing pile. I iron & press only when I'm making clothes, day-to-day ironing can go hang (instead). Grin

bibbitybobbityhat · 05/07/2011 11:31

Nothing wrong with dh cooking dinner either.

I'm just saying that the argument that the person who stays in the house does ALL the housework, shopping and childcare is patently absurd.

Single people need to do these chores - they fit them in around work - working co-habiting people should do the same.

MollysChamber · 05/07/2011 11:36

Oh well in that case I do agree with you bibbity.

BulletWithAName · 05/07/2011 11:36

I do all of our ironing, housework and cooking- DPs, DCs and my own. He does the DIY. I don't work, he does. Seems fair to me. I think it would be very unfair of me to demand when he comes in from a 12 hour shift to cook us dinner, clean the house and then iron his own clothes. That's my job. As going out to work and earning money is his.

Insomnia11 · 05/07/2011 11:36

I go to great lengths not to do any ironing at all.

Ormirian · 05/07/2011 11:39

Ironing is a pleasure if you can do it in peace listening to something good on the radio. I fight DH to do the ironing!

I'm not a SAHM though.

RossettiConfetti · 05/07/2011 11:40

I never iron my husband's clothes. I rarely iron my own, and only iron my childrens' clothes on special occasions, ie. for a party. So we don't have an ironing pile anyway. (Disclaimer, we don't look that scruffy, I dry things outside and fold them carefully so they don't really need ironing, and don't tend to buy really creasy stuff like linen). Husband irons his own work shirts, although he does own a couple of non-iron ones (presents from MIL).

SAHM primary job is looking after the kids. Anything else done in the house is a bonus. Think of your tasks as being similar to those a nanny's would have.

Collaborate · 05/07/2011 11:41

"I think it's up to each couple to make arrangements as to who does what in the house between them. There is no right or wrong as to who should do what, other than that both of you should be reasonably happy with the arrangements."

Spot on. I'm a FT worker, as is my wife. I do all the ironing, and my wife does all the shopping. It works for us.

Anyway my wife can't iron a double cuff to save her life.

And I get to watch what I want on the TV. Bliss.

verylittlecarrot · 05/07/2011 11:43

I work with the principle not of "how many hours do we each work" but rather "how many hours are we each off-duty".
DH is off-duty when he leaves his place of work every evening when he works away from home. He also takes several hours at a weekend to play golf as he wishes. He also gets undisturbed nights' sleep.

I am barely ever off-duty. I am responsible for the children through the nights when the youngest still wakes several times, in addition to through the daylight hours. I have started taking 3 hours to myself on one night of the week. That is my off-duty time.

I often wonder where other mothers' small children are when they are doing potentially risky chores - cooking, ironing, DIY.

Oh, I hardly ever iron. I find most clothes aren't the worse for it.

dreamingbohemian · 05/07/2011 11:45

'I'm just saying that the argument that the person who stays in the house does ALL the housework, shopping and childcare is patently absurd.
Single people need to do these chores - they fit them in around work - working co-habiting people should do the same.'

bibbity I totally agree. When I was on ML I did most of the housework because DS took lovely daytime naps and I had the time, but I did not feel bad at all asking DH to do some too. He was still doing less than before the baby.

I haven't ironed in, literally, eight years.

Funtimewincies · 05/07/2011 11:45

YABU IMO. If you're a feminist OP, why are you deciding what and what isn't the role of any other SAHP other than yourself?

If you and dh decide to divide your jobs that way, fine, but to say that 'this is the job of a SAHP' is too close to saying 'this makes you a proper wife/husband ' or 'it is your place to to this, otherwise you're not doing it properly' for my liking.

minipie · 05/07/2011 11:46

My principle would be that each person should spend roughly the same amount of time "working" (whether that be WOH or housework/childcare).

Obviously, you can divide up the work between you according to who enjoys/is best at what. As long as the work is roughly evenly divided, and both partners have roughly equal spare time. (if there is any!)

BulletWithAName · 05/07/2011 11:48

I can't believe so many people on here don't iron their clothes- I must be abnormal as I even iron my bedsheets Grin

onehellofaride · 05/07/2011 11:51

both me and DH work full time and everything is shared pretty much (I do a bit more) however (and I will probably get flamed for this) if either of us was a SAHP the other would expect to come home to happy DC and a clean house which I think includes ironing. I presume your DH goes to work not only to provide for your DC but for you also therefore (although you don't have to do everything for him) it is only fair that you do something for him.

Insomnia11 · 05/07/2011 11:56

The sci-fi films I grew up watching led me to believe we would all have robots to do these chores for us in the 21st century. I am disappointed by the lack of progress in technology. :)

Funtimewincies · 05/07/2011 11:56

But I do do things for him. I cook his meals, entertain and educate his children, am home with the children so that he can go away/abroad/out with work whenever neccesary, clean, wash his clothes, grow his vegetables, buy his food, drive him where he needs to go (as he hates driving) and so many other things both during and outside of 'normal' work hours.

In return (as well as earning our money) he does the ironing for both of us, as well as other things that make the house run and the family happy.

I'm wary of getting into 'my job' and 'your job' and wonder why that's neccessary for adults to behave like that.

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 05/07/2011 12:01

I love ironing threads which allow me to tell everyone that I almost never iron. Ironing uses a lot of electricity which costs money and is not green.

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