to not get why some women feel 'cheated' on when they find porn

[M0naLisa]

Now I know most porn threads turn into a debate and article about why porn is wrong on many levels. I understand that part!!

BUT what I don't understand is why some women feel like there husband has cheated on them when they find porn mags, websites, etc

He's not shagging those in the films/mags whatever, so why do women get obsessed when it comes to their bloke watching porn films/sites or buying mags?

Just IMHO I really don't feel cheated on at all. My DH often watches pron, and on many occasions I have watched with him.

All he's doing is enjoying looking at some fit ladies enjoying sex, I honestly don't feel like there is anything wrong with it.

I've often sent my DH porn when he has been away for long periods...I'd rather he watched porn

He is always honest about it, if sneakiness came into then I would start to having issues.

I also watch porn on my own sometimes.......and am often caught oggoling david beckham ( a few times a week at least)

I feel its rather healthy (again just an opinion) :)

Naive- such a strange way to dimiss someone who has probably been there, done more than you and decided it simply wasnt for them and not something they want to employ in their marriage as a consquence.

I have been there, experienced, evaluted and chosen.

Hardly naive.

no one is laughing at you change.

she wasn't talking about your sexual experience coco she was talking about your long term relationship experience.

Been there and done more than me.

Oh. Okay. Not sure how you assume that unless you have had a most interesting couple of decades behind you and are now a worn out fifty year old.

HowlingBitch

I am just speaking for myself here, I wasn't trying to infer that just because I didn't see it as cheating, that no one should. I don't see how they get to that conclusion, the cheating one...unless it is the way that the discovery leaves them feeling....rejected, deceived, lied to..in that case, I can certainly see what they believe they have been cheated on.

Does that make sense, I am not really sure I am conveying what I mean very well. I don't see it as such, but understand that the feelings on discovery would be the same as on a discovery of real cheating....argh......

I can see how some women would see it as such. Especially in cases where the woman is rejected, only for the man to sneak off etc a while later.

I guess I am OK with it as there is no secrecy surrounding it. No sneaking around, trying to cover tracks etc. Dh does also view it while I am asleep & it doesn't make a difference to me. But I certainly can understand others would have an issue with it, yes.

Well quite spooks.

Any twit can shag around and have one night stands. Lots of us probably did back in the day .

Early and new relationships are often more insecure than older more mature ones.
When I look at my ravaged body now in my forties I would have been pretty insecure about it twenty years ago but now I don't care a jot. Lots of things strengthen as you get older, self confidence being one of them and you do tend to see things in shades of grey rather more.

Dont assume someone doesnt like porn in realtionships because they never tried then or are just too young to 'get it;. Its silly.

And, No I am no where your age at all, but I have experimented enough in th past within realtionships and as single woman to make a choice on what I dont want and what it being true to myself.

"All he's doing is enjoying looking at some fit ladies enjoying sex, I honestly don't feel like there is anything wrong with it"

Jesus h Christ , ignorance really is bliss eh?

Try watching a porn documentary called Felicity, perhaps then you'll see what's wrong with mainstream, popular porn.

Oh I didnt get it before..... silly me!

So maturity in a realtionship equals your husband wanking over other women.

Lovely.

Coco.

You are spectacularly missing my point.

As you get older and your marriage gets older you are less worried about some stuff and your security deepens and things you feel iffy about now, you may feel differently about when you are old enough to be your mother.
When I was in my twenties I definately did not feel as secure in any way as I do now and that manifested itself with not wanting to think that DH liked porn or watched it. Even though he did .

Now you are just being rude, Coco.

A lot of our husbands & partners do just that. With our knowlege & consent. No need to be sarcastic- you can judge maturity in a lot of different ways

Indigojohn - I do agree women who feel threatened by partners fantasising about men/women in porn, RL etc are insecure. Same as men who are threatened by rabbits However it is nothing to do with age it depends on your confidence levels not to feel threatened by anyone. I love watching porn alone as does my husband.

Also have no problem with pretending we are having sex with people who are famous, see out and about etc whilst we are having sex with each other. Its just a game and a fantasy, its not like they are going to go anywhere. Also not all porn is made by people who have been coerced or forced. If you watch a lot of amateur a lot is more lifelike and what people do for a bit of fun.

we also were not specifically talking about porn but also your feelings about masturbation and your husband. i am not indigos age but i can plead extenuating circumstances. its all irrelevant any way coco glad you are happy in your marriage long may it continue.

Right and its not rude to imply someone is naive, young and insecure becasue of the absense of porn in my marriage.

This is from people decades older than me.

A real shame.

Decades?? sob

Indigo, lots of forty something women on here used to think that porn was harmless fun until they had their eyes opened to the damage it can do.

I'm fast approaching 50 and have been married for 26 years, porn use has never been a part of our life and if I were to find out now, after all these years, that my husband was a secret porn user I would feel very betrayed, and I am very secure and have great self esteem.

If I had to rely on porn to spice up our sex life, something would be very wrong indeed.

Not all men are interested in porn.

to be fair coco you have been pretty rude the whole way through and deliberately taking what people have said the wrong way to suit your own agenda. like i said irritating. so you cant now play the oh i was only rude to her because she was rude to me card
oh indigo you are only like 10/11 years older than me thats not decades, jeez what does that make coco though like 16?

I do love Spartacus though, but I know that it's all fake, no one is drugged or coerced and no-one is having real sex - now that is harmless, escapist fun.

Malificence.

I respect the fact that you have moral issues with the porn industry. But some of us do not. And being relaxed about using it is not the same as needing to use it.

Those of us cool with it do not have husbands secretly using it, either.

Oh yes, back to Spartacus .

This weeks was particularly good.

Spooks

You have been amazingly rude to me this entire thread!

The last post in your worse I think its time to stop this now please.

I would like to hear what other people think and still see some reasons as to when does porn cross the line into cheating as its intresting and more intresting than my personal fantasies I am sure.

I've done it solo while thinking of my old English teacher, the one who wore his sun glasses on his head in class (I was to young to know that actually you look like a tosser doing that) and drove a motorcycle to the school.

I did not cheat on DH. I couldnt care less if he looks at porn, if I saw him looking at something he shouldnt be that woudl be different. If he was in to barely legal or somethign like that I would properly freak out

absolutely i will refrain from commenting on any of your future posts.