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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not get why some women feel 'cheated' on when they find porn

344 replies

M0naLisa · 01/07/2011 11:28

Now I know most porn threads turn into a debate and article about why porn is wrong on many levels. I understand that part!!

BUT what I don't understand is why some women feel like there husband has cheated on them when they find porn mags, websites, etc

He's not shagging those in the films/mags whatever, so why do women get obsessed when it comes to their bloke watching porn films/sites or buying mags?

OP posts:
spookshowangel · 01/07/2011 13:45

i totally agree, but saying that to someone who is in that situation isnt going to make them think that, they have to go through it themselves etc. if for example she was young and only recently married she would think us cynical and bitter. she on the other hand may be 40 and have been married for 20 yrs.

changedchanged · 01/07/2011 13:46

MonaLisa I assume you're referring to my post earlier today.

Personally I feel upset because for one thing I feel lied to. DH told me he would not look at porn again when I found it on the net. But now I can hear him telling me if I confront him that he hasn't looked at it on the net, he's bought mags, and I hadn't said anything about that.... But to me there's not much difference.

Secondly I feel disappointed in him that I think of him as such a lovely man, really kind and considerate and respectful to me, but at the same time he's secretly getting off looking at these mysoginistic images. How can the two things come from the same man? I truly don't understand that.

Thirdly I feel sad that whatever I say or do, unless I leave him, which I know is completely OTT, I will have to accept the fact that the man I love enjoys looking that that shit. And there's not really anything I can do about it.

I do not feel as if he has cheated on me - I know that would be a completely different and much worse thing altogether and the two things don't compare. I do feel very let down though.

Crosshair · 01/07/2011 13:49

:(

Indigojohn · 01/07/2011 13:50

My DH travels fairly extensively with his work. I know that when he is away from my luscious and tantalising body me he will look at porn and have a wank.

I know because he tells me, there is no secret and it could not bother me less. I'm busy with Spartacus and a rabbit anyway Grin

glitterkitty · 01/07/2011 13:51

changed changed- did you mean to post this on the other thread that coincidently is on a very similar subject?

spookshowangel · 01/07/2011 13:51

i caught a bit of that the other night that stuff is really raunchy.

Cocoflower · 01/07/2011 13:52

Indigo

How daft- the only explantion someone doesn't need nor want porn in their marriage must be the are young and insecure. Hmm

SuePurblybilt · 01/07/2011 13:52

It's a bit shit for the namechanged poster who asks for help in Relationships, to see her reaction discussed in AIBU. I realise the OP didn't name names but the two threads are happily bobbing along side by side in Active Conversations.

Seems bad form to me - could you not have left it a day to start this discussion?

changedchanged · 01/07/2011 13:52

No I noticed this thread and assumed the question was sparked by my original question - therefore I wanted to reply to the OP's q about it....

spookshowangel · 01/07/2011 13:54

coco, thats not what she was saying.

Indigojohn · 01/07/2011 13:54

No. The only excuse that anyone could be so naive is that they are young.

Spooks, oh yes'm!

It is known as blood, sex and sand in our house. We always have fun after watching an episode Grin.

glitterkitty · 01/07/2011 13:54

Ohhh... I see, didnt actually realise this was about that.

changedchanged · 01/07/2011 13:55

I agree actually Sue so thanks for making me feel slightly less paranoid.

The way this thread was started made me a bit Sad. I never said I felt as if my H was 'cheating' at all actually, just that I was really upset at finding it.

spookshowangel · 01/07/2011 13:56

yep me and dp caught a bit and were shocked and then went to bed very quickly. gold covered cock does it for me every time.

glitterkitty · 01/07/2011 13:57

gold covered cock? Shock like a galaxy bar, you mean?

Indigojohn · 01/07/2011 13:57

It is rather good isn't it? Grin

Not that I have ever called DH Dominus. Nope. Not me. whistles.

Indigojohn · 01/07/2011 13:58

Watch it.
It refreshes the parts other mini series never reach.

spookshowangel · 01/07/2011 13:58

hahahaha havent watched enough to know who dominus is but i am considering making it a regular thing.

changedchanged · 01/07/2011 13:59

I'm leaving this thread now cos everybody seems to think me being upset is so fucking funny. Thanks for that, at least you've got me crying now so I might get it out of my system a bit.

HowlingBitch · 01/07/2011 14:00

Indigo I used to be perfectly ok with porn and my DPs use of it until we we both opened our eyes to what happens behind the scenes but even when I was fine with it I would never have dismissed someones perfectly valid reasons as "naive". You have no idea what some of these women have been through with their experiences and if you cannot pick up on the sadness in changedchanged post then that is pretty heartless IMO.

Indigojohn · 01/07/2011 14:00

Changed - I had NO idea this thread was on the back of another. I am so sorry you feel sad and I understand why. please don;t think we are all laughing at you, we are not.

I think if it was a secret I might be a bit upset too.

Sppoks, we have it on series record Grin

TobyLerone · 01/07/2011 14:01

I'm pretty sure that nobody thinks that you being upset is 'so fucking funny', changedchanged Hmm

Crosshair · 01/07/2011 14:02

Sorry changedchanged, I didnt realise this was a thread about a thread and I think others missed that also.

HowlingBitch · 01/07/2011 14:02

Xie posties

glitterkitty · 01/07/2011 14:02

Oh changed .

I dont think ppl are finding you being upset funny- they are laughing at some tv series with a gold willy.

I came onto this thread because it was interesting- didnt realise it was linked to your thread. On this thread its a debate I guess- some people would be really upset, some people wouldnt. Its not funny that you feel sad.