To Be pissed off hubby just called me a housewife....

[CoffeeDog]

SO yes i dont have a 'paid' job but we have 3 kids (5) and (twins 2) DH is rarther annoyed to find his favorite shirt is not ironed for his work piss up tonight and had a rant when i suguested he iron it himself.... including that ironing is part of my 'duties' as a housewife. TBH he's bloody lucky it was washed!!!

AIBU to suguest the various things he can do with said Iron?

Merry I guess it depends on how many/what sort of DCs you have, and what sort of job you have!

MerryMarigold you said And not to be patronising, but if you don't have dc yet, you don't realise just how 24-7 they are! even though you'd just said I think it probably is harder being at home than working f/t, not that I've tried the working route

Best not to dismiss other people's experience when you're lacking in it yourself.

What do you do for a living, fairymum?

Oh fairymum, I'm not sure I can be bothered to bite,but you do know that lots of women give give up quite good careers because staying at home is either something they believe is important or it is more cost effective than working?

I expect Fairymum is busy at her very, very important, highly skilled, super qualified six figure salaried job right now, Karma. [nods]

Only someone busy setting the world alight could ever be so arrogant as to assume SAHM are too thick and stupid to do anything else.

MrsDePoint

I don't actually assume all SAHMS are thick and stupid and I don't think I used those words in my post. I do think if SAHMS moan about having to do some housework while looking after the children that is odd as presumably when only one person works then that person has to work that much harder with a bit extra pressure as they are the main breadwinner. I think that should be recognised too. My DH was a SAHD after our 4th child was born for a few years and that was great. I would have been totally gobsmacked was I to walk in the door after a long day in the office and be expected to do housework. And I still don't understand what is hard about staying at home with your children unless you are octomum of course.

True fairymum, you actually said, " or the types who choose to stay at home could not cope with much anyway and that is why they are at home."

All those SAH women who used to have high flying careers rolls eyes how did they cope outside the house?

You didn't say so, bit you certainly implied it. Anyway, all this 'I work harder than you do' competitive one-upmanship is so tedious. I certainly envy DH's free lunch hour at work where he can choose to do whatever he wants, but Part of my decision to SAH was to make my life easier. I certainly did not want to work an 80hr week and deal with sharing domestic tasks, never mind not seeing DS during the week (and often at weekends too). We would be a lot more financially comfortable if I did go out to work, which would allow for some help domestically etc, but still not a lifestyle decision I was willing to make.

What's hard is the fact that you don't have a start and finish time, lunch break etc. Sometimes you can't even go for a wee on your own. There are a series of never ending jobs which are not intellectually stimulating. If your children are poor sleepers, you are 'on call' continuously. Now all this is balanced by being able to talk and play with, teach and cuddle your children. You are providing a happy environment for your children, which is a source of personal satisfaction for me, but it is not recognised by wider society as a valuable thing to do.

It can be demoralising to do something every day that other people think is boring/not as important as earning money. It's hard when people think you must be thick to do it or that you are lazy/sponging off your DH. It's hard when you hear of bright intelligent women being treated by their partners as if they've time travelled back to the 1950's and have a moral obligation to iron his shirts!

The funniest put down I ever had ( I have degree, two post grads BTW) was from a woman who had left school with nothing and worked full time on teh checkout in the local Sainsbury's.

She actually said to me, " Oh I could never be a SAHM, I need the simulation ( sic) of working, my brain wouldn't cope with playing all day".
To a group of four highly educated, professional women who now SAH.

I did almost very nearly choke

Indigo :o

You can only laugh, Joric.

People who look down on women who make different choices from themselves or who think women who choose to SAH are inadequate in some way, are just not worth our time . They really aren't.

Indigojohn how very superior you must feel. How dare that uneducated nobody claim to get stimulation from providing a valuable service and interacting with customers? Luckily you can totally dismiss her view point because you have been to university and she hasn't. Well done you!

But MrsDePoint, the woman on the checkout started it by implying that the SAH was in some way mentally deficient because she could cope with 'playing all day' and didn't require any mental stimulation.

You spectacularly MissedDePoint there!

It was her feeling superior to me!

As an aside, I wish the miserable bastards at my Local Tesco would gain some simulation ( sic) from providing a valuable service and interacting with me .

When in fact you are actually superior to her, as you pointed out in your email, because you have so much education. Oh the irony!

indigo

Yes, I think that is it karma, it is that being a SAH parent is not valued. It is not seen as a worthwhile occupation, not seen as something that adds value to life, purely because it doesn't add income.

karma how do you know she was implying that? How is she not entitled to state that she couldn't be at home all day because she needs the stimulation of working? Oh yes, it's because she only works in a supermarket. The very cheek of her!

Surely YOU add value to your life. I don't walk around wondering if people are valuing me as a mother except for of course my children. To them I want to be supermum!

Email, MissingDePoint?

Well, I am qualificationally superior to her. states the bleedin' obvious but it wasn't me or my chums swanning about talking shite at a BBQ about needing simulation .

MissingDePoint.

Do you not see the irony of telling four highly qualified and professional SAHM how much you need the simulation (sic) of work when you know they don't?

Do you really think it deserves on comment on here?

• no comment on here!