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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be a little worried about this mans attention

98 replies

scruffybird · 28/06/2011 12:42

I Go swimming once a week at my local pool and most times I go there is a man in there who is in his sixties who pay me a lot of attention, splashes me as I get in and flirts, its beginning to piss me off as all I want to do is get in, do my lanes and then get out. I try to vary when I go, but am limited to when the lanes are on in the evening and mostly he is there.
Bumped into him in the newsagent yesterday and he came in as my son was choosing some sweets and he started his usual banter. The shop assistant raised her eyebrows as he left, so she found it a bit inappropriate.
I try and ignore him as much as possible without being rude.
Do you think I am overeacting?
Would you say anything?
I was thinking of going swimming later, but the thought of him being there puts me off.

OP posts:

nickschick · 28/06/2011 12:44

There are ways to make it clear that you dont enjoy this mans attentions.

Usually an icy glare with a 'fuck off' suffices.

Is it really harming you though? perhaps its just the way he is and you (and the shopkeeper) are over the top.

worraliberty · 28/06/2011 12:45

Be rude if necessary but just ignore him.

He may be getting mixed signals.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 28/06/2011 12:46

Do you have a male friend you could go with? If he's interested in you, that might put him off.

Or just coldly say "Please do not splash me. I don't like it."

If he is behaving in a way that is making you uncomfortable, you have the right to tell him to stop. There is no reason for you to feel like this is something you have to manage, or put up with.

YodelOdelTee · 28/06/2011 12:46

Does he say things that are inappropriate?

He sounds like a creep.

pinkthechaffinch · 28/06/2011 12:47

Ugh poor you

I have this with the similarly aged forklift truck driver I have to pass on the school run. He wolf whistles and then turns it into a tune IYSWIM
I wore a dress the other day and he said approvingly 'very summery' [shudder]

Could you have a word with the swimming pool staff maybe? get them to have a word.

It's a v difficult situation though, as he will say, as no doubt my guy would say that he was only being friendly if confronted.

MitchiestInge · 28/06/2011 12:48

what do you mean worraliberty, he may be getting mixed signals? How did you get that from the op, or are you a sex offender?

kaluki · 28/06/2011 12:48

Just Tell Him.
You can't be polite to people like this - they are too thick skinned and see politeness as encouragement.
What would you say if a man your own age carried on this way? Just because he's old doesn't mean he can get away with it.
I had a boss like that once, pretended to be a bit of a silly old duffer, but actually he was really quite offensive.

Bast · 28/06/2011 12:52

Be assertive.

'Fuck off' is notably effective.

Don't waste time overthinking it.

PinotsKittens · 28/06/2011 12:52

Be polite but cold. No need to be rude - he's a bit lonely I suspect. But it's not acceptable if it's worrying you.

Just do a quizzical look and say "Please don't do that" and swim off. Ignore any further attempts at conversation, or turn away.

worraliberty · 28/06/2011 12:52

what do you mean worraliberty, he may be getting mixed signals? How did you get that from the op, or are you a sex offender?

Don't be so fucking vile

I meant (and read this slowly) because the OP said I try and ignore him as much as possible without being rude

Perhaps he's one of these people who are as thick as shit MitchiestInge and read things that are not there from what someone has said.

Something you clearly do yourself.

Bast · 28/06/2011 12:54

'You aren't too old to be called a wanker, wanker'

(Have heard this used on a similarily aged man, who got off on similar behaviour (i.e. making younger women feel uncomfortable). It worked.)

Bast · 28/06/2011 12:59

Lonely or not, he has no right to letch over women to the point it causes them discomfort. That is incredibly 'rude'.

Sometimes, sadly, rude is exactly what is called for as a response and end to such rudeness.

garlicnutter · 28/06/2011 13:04

"Leave me alone. I don't like you."

Am now adopting "You aren't too old to be called a wanker, wanker" - thanks, Bast

I know what you mean, though. An older man barged in front of me and the rest of the queue at the supermarket, all jolly apologetic smiles and charm - but no request to jump the line. As he paid, and delivered a charming "sorry" to me, it was all I could do not to smile as I sternly said "That was very rude." Having managed it, I felt I deserved a certificate or something!

Don't appease! Channel the strictest headmistress you ever had :)

MitchiestInge · 28/06/2011 13:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

meltedchocolate · 28/06/2011 13:06

what do you mean worraliberty, he may be getting mixed signals? How did you get that from the op, or are you a sex offender?

Wow, that was.... lame Stupid thing to say really.

He sounds creepy OP, Just say politely. 'I am gonna do my laps and then leave thank you'. Could you find an other pool to avoid him? that would be a shame though :(

buzzsore · 28/06/2011 13:07

Say "leave me alone". If he continues to bother you, tell him "you are bothering me, leave me alone or I'll complain". Then complain. You've a right to be left the hell alone.

MitchiestInge · 28/06/2011 13:09

I just thought it was a horrible, creepy thing to say to someone who is finding this pest difficult to deal with. Implies she is encouraging him.

paisleyII · 28/06/2011 13:12

my dh gets this (without the flirting) when he goes swimming - when he goes it is in his lunch break so he is in a hurry, he likes to do lengths in fast lane and then bugger off but he gets stopped EVERY TIME by some old bloke who dh says he has never actually seen swim but he stands in the shallow lane talking to anyone who will listen - dh said he is very thick skinned and as obvious as he makes it (he isn't a rude person naturally) that he is in a hurry the bloke ignores the signs and then eventually says in a put out way 'you better go and swim then' as if dh is letting him down, this would drive me insane although i have a similar thing with a male neighbour....

meltedchocolate · 28/06/2011 13:14

It was a valid question. She is never rude so he may be slow at picking things up. OP blatantly is encouraging nothing on purpose but it would be good to take a quick look and rule it being done by accident out as a possibility. To ask if someone is a sex offender for such a silly thing, now THAT is creepy and horrible.

FlubbaBubba · 28/06/2011 13:15

Is that your attempt at an apology to worraliberty mitchiest ?

OP, I'd go down the polite route (I'd really rather you didn't XYZ, it makes me very uncomfortable) first; he may have no clue you don't like it. Resort to reporting him to staff if he doesn't stop.

Bast · 28/06/2011 13:15

You're welcome GN.

I'm all against ageism and all for equality

Having to fend off an ageing dobbin is somewhat more irritating than having to fend off randy teens and twenties. The older really should know better and more irritating still, I'm sure they do!

MitchiestInge · 28/06/2011 13:18

No, not an apology. Think the 'mixed signals' thing is far more horrible thing to say than pointing out how horrible it is, which is what I did.

worraliberty · 28/06/2011 13:20

So how is ignoring someone a mixed signal? Just sounds like sex offender thinking to me

Dear God you really are thick aren't you?

She's not ignoring him...she's "ignoring him as much as possible"...NOT the same thing at all.

OP, as you can see from this thread...some people really do need things spelling out to them. Not everyone is as intelligent as we might like to give them credit for.

Therefore, I suggest you totally blank this man and he should get the message.

meltedchocolate · 28/06/2011 13:21

No, what you did was somehow get it into your head that someone is thinking like a sex offender for asking a fair question. Worra had clearly sympathised first before she asked the question. That same TWISTED logic could be shot back at you Mitch. Weirdest, nastiest thing I have ever read on MN.

meltedchocolate · 28/06/2011 13:22

Could you say something to the life guards or those at the reception OP?

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