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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a little worried about this mans attention

98 replies

scruffybird · 28/06/2011 12:42

I Go swimming once a week at my local pool and most times I go there is a man in there who is in his sixties who pay me a lot of attention, splashes me as I get in and flirts, its beginning to piss me off as all I want to do is get in, do my lanes and then get out. I try to vary when I go, but am limited to when the lanes are on in the evening and mostly he is there.
Bumped into him in the newsagent yesterday and he came in as my son was choosing some sweets and he started his usual banter. The shop assistant raised her eyebrows as he left, so she found it a bit inappropriate.
I try and ignore him as much as possible without being rude.
Do you think I am overeacting?
Would you say anything?
I was thinking of going swimming later, but the thought of him being there puts me off.

OP posts:
DaisyDaresYOU · 28/06/2011 15:52

Thanks guys.Really needed to get that out of my system.It's only happened recently so they could get worse.Hopefully they will just get bored

wompoopigeon · 28/06/2011 15:57

Another option which is a bit less scary than the icy "fuck off" is to say charmingly "I am afraid that I will get into terrible trouble with my husband if I talk to you, so you'll understand if I just swim, now out of my way please." then if he ignores that he really is a total prick and the "fuck off" option should be wheeled out immediately.

Insomnia11 · 28/06/2011 16:08

I found worraliberty and mitchiest's posts were a bit off for different reasons FWIW....

Daisy I think it's a good idea to phone the local police station (not 999 unless they are outside your house and you feel threatened) to report your concerns. You never know, they could have been hassling others as well.

I once gave a description of a man to the police who had said something sexual to me in the street near my house - can't remember exactly what it was now but something along the lines of what he'd like to do to me, enough to make me feel very creeped out, you know quite a bit worse than "Nice tits". I just thought it was worth doing in case I was a practice run for something worse, or in case he was then hanging around later or whatever. I dunno, I felt daft doing it but it made me feel better.

cjel · 28/06/2011 16:24

OP I know what you mean about the creepy feeling. I wouldn't want to be rude either , when its happened to me twice in different corner shops- I've used different shops rather than facing them!! I would try a 'I'm sorry I don't have time to mess about I need to have my swim, excuse me.' The reaction you should get will tell you if you are right about the creepy or if they are just innocent and lonely!!!(and creepy)!!!

garlicnutter · 28/06/2011 16:27

You're right, Insomnia. I've reported stalker types before. The police have always said it's good to have the info because a very high percentage of woman-botherers do escalate to assault. One time, they were round my house like a shot - turned out the man was a serial rapist they were trying to catch Shock

Not to say Orange Dick is, Daisy!!! I'm just hoping to give you that bit of extra confidence it is okay to report this kind of behaviour. They've never told me I was silly to call them or anything :)

DaisyDaresYOU · 28/06/2011 17:02

I have no faith in the police but I have to keep telling myself that not all police are the same every where.I went to police before for something serious basically said i'm liar becaise of the way I was dressed Sad oh and an easy target

cjel · 28/06/2011 17:22

Take all their details and tell police. can you take photo on your phone as well?

garlicnutter · 28/06/2011 17:35

police basically said I'm a liar because of the way I was dressed and an easy target Shock Sad Angry

That's horrible, Daisy!
And irrational - either you were lying or you were a target: it can't be both ways, surely?

If you're scared to face up to the creepy man, maybe get DP to do it ...? Do ring the cops as well, though, preferably with the truck's reg number. As Insomnia said, you can ring the station line, not 999, and just say you want to register your concern. They should say thanks, call us if anything happens. Good luck!

garlicnutter · 28/06/2011 17:36

Ooh, photo is a great idea!

QueenofDreams · 28/06/2011 17:47

Ugh - I agree with worra some people need things made absolutely 100% clear in a way that would even get through to inanimate objects. I've had similar, and maintaining the barest pretence at civility was perceived as encouragement.

I also didn't want to be rude, so ended up avoiding the person rather than confronting. He sounds incredibly creepy though, and I would also feel uncomfortable.

surelynottrue · 28/06/2011 17:55

Have you ever just told him you are not interested and don't want to talk?

Original poster
scruffybird · 28/06/2011 18:17

Ok off to the pool in a minute, am actually hoping he is there so I can try some of your suggestions. Might not open with fuck off you creep Grin

OP posts:
bubbleymummy · 28/06/2011 18:22

I think I would be more inclined to give a 'look' and a 'I really don't think that is appropriate. Surely you're old enough to know that." and swim off. I think f-off would be a bit rude as a first attempt at telling him to back off. Although If he continued I would think again...

diddl · 28/06/2011 18:39

He sounds awful OP- as if he feels he is doing you a favour by talking to you.

Splashing you is weird imo.

DaisyDaresYOU · 28/06/2011 18:52

I was underage aswell.They didn't believe I was raped because of the way I was dressed.They said that to me.I did look like a tart.There a whole lot of issues why I was dressed like it.I didn't respect myself very much because of my childhood Sad I said no him several times

DaisyDaresYOU · 28/06/2011 18:55

So I just wonder if police would laugh at me if I tell them my concerns

garlicnutter · 28/06/2011 19:01

Oh, Daisy :( No wonder this business has freaked you out - not only is some creep bothering you, but we're all saying "ring the police" when you've already had a bad experience with them. It must be bringing up all sorts of feelings.

Such a pity the cop who said that to you wasn't reported Angry Obviously the way you dress has nothing to do with anything! Rapes are caused by rapists, not their victims. The police had no right to blame you.

Do you live in a different place now? So different police?

eurochick · 28/06/2011 19:03

Just don't interract. He'll soon get bored.

DaisyDaresYOU · 28/06/2011 19:06

I can't go into much detail as my dsis comes on here occasionally.I don't wanna out myself to much.But yes I don't and have never lived there(thankfully)

garlicnutter · 28/06/2011 19:11

Oh, good! That's some comfort then, Daisy. I hope you'll be able to give your local force the benefit of the doubt and ring them up. The station number should be in the phone book, or you can google it :)

Jux · 29/06/2011 11:18

OP, what happened with WeirdyGuy?

CocoPopsAddict · 29/06/2011 11:21

You could try going swimming with a friend? Or take your DH/DP and the kids sometime?

CocoPopsAddict · 29/06/2011 11:22

I don't mean you should have to avoid going swimming alone, just that it might put him off if you take people with you a couple of times.

I don't think there is any need to be rude. You could just say sorry, my husband is cooking me dinner so I haven't got long and need to get on with my swim.

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