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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be a little worried about this mans attention

98 replies

scruffybird · 28/06/2011 12:42

I Go swimming once a week at my local pool and most times I go there is a man in there who is in his sixties who pay me a lot of attention, splashes me as I get in and flirts, its beginning to piss me off as all I want to do is get in, do my lanes and then get out. I try to vary when I go, but am limited to when the lanes are on in the evening and mostly he is there.
Bumped into him in the newsagent yesterday and he came in as my son was choosing some sweets and he started his usual banter. The shop assistant raised her eyebrows as he left, so she found it a bit inappropriate.
I try and ignore him as much as possible without being rude.
Do you think I am overeacting?
Would you say anything?
I was thinking of going swimming later, but the thought of him being there puts me off.

OP posts:
garlicnutter · 28/06/2011 14:14

Yikes, Daisy!

Write down their reg number, then call the cops. Let them see you doing it.

DaisyDaresYOU · 28/06/2011 14:22

They are work men.It's hard to avoid them.It's not a quick perv(can live with that even though he is not my type atall,makes me wanna puke) it's a constant staring at me that I hate.I've tried the miserable look so he dnt think im interested

DaisyDaresYOU · 28/06/2011 14:23

They are outside now.Im in shock

DaisyDaresYOU · 28/06/2011 14:27

They have gone.They had no reason to have been outside my house.They do not work in my cul de sac nor have they worked anywhere near here today.Argh!

garlicnutter · 28/06/2011 14:27

Do they say anything to you, Daisy? Is it one of the guys, or a bunch of them?

Why the shock? :(

garlicnutter · 28/06/2011 14:29

Okay, I think I see ... They've picked on you for some reason, and think it's funny to wander round to your house and scare you. Is that right?

superjobeespecs · 28/06/2011 14:35

uch i'd say something mention a boyfriend or husband or something maybe an older brother who doesnt like creepy old men flirting with his wee sis oh and he's built like jean claude van dam..?

i would definately say something tho as its going to get more innapropriate the more he thinks he can get away with it. dont be rude just point out matter of factly that you dont like it and would like to get on with your swimming.

also him turning up in your newsagents is right weird i'd be worried he's stalking me but if he lives nearby or its a newsagents by the swimming pool i suppose its not so bad.

still freaky tho.

DaisyDaresYOU · 28/06/2011 14:39

Well I talked to one of them as I forgot ds bookbag(i said "oh no ds i've forgot your book bag)so I went to go back home to get it.When I come back he asked if I was late for school now I laughed and said I think so.

He isn't the problem (well he is now)one though it's the one that constantly stares at me he makes feel very uncomfy.To the point I tried to go home later yesterday so I didn't have to pass him but they were still there.As soon as I walked past they got into thier truck and followed me to my door.

They had no reason to go down there

Pixieonthemoor · 28/06/2011 14:41

I try to ignore him as much as possible without being rude
I think that is where the problem lies - I would do exactly the same thing as I never want to be rude to anyone and would then probably kick myself!! How about something along the lines of "I am really sorry, but all I want to do is get on with my swimming" (in a not-sorry-at-all tone of voice). Not rude, not impolite but quite firm and gets the message across. He is just relying on your good nature and, whether lonely or just a letch, he probably knows you are uncomfortable. Yuck.

garlicnutter · 28/06/2011 14:43

Daisy, you need to show those bullies you won't stand for it. If they have a boss on site, go and complain to him. If they're council workmen, or from the gas/water/phone/etc company, ring them up.

Also tell the police you think they're harassing you and you feel threatened. They probably won't do anything immediately, but should go and 'have a word' with them at some point. Then, if they carry on, you can ring the cops in front of the men and they'll scarper.

Best if you can pluck up the courage to be ASSERTIVE and ask them STRONGLY if they've got any reason for following you round like a bunch of demented school children!

DaisyDaresYOU · 28/06/2011 14:46

If i'm known.Do not out me.Because dp doesn't know yet.I feel embarrased to tell him

fuzzypicklehead · 28/06/2011 14:46

Daisy, are they in uniform or a marked vehicle? That behaviour warrants a complaint.

DaisyDaresYOU · 28/06/2011 14:48

Maybe I should dress in my mankiest clothes.I am done up all the time

fuzzypicklehead · 28/06/2011 14:49

Dont assume responsibility for wanker behaviour. Dress how you want, they have no right to bother you.

garlicnutter · 28/06/2011 14:50

No, it's not your fault in any way at all. You just carry on being who you are ... and tell them off!

How come you won't tell DP?

DaisyDaresYOU · 28/06/2011 14:52

Tbh he is so dirty I can't tell what he is wearing.Though I can see his orange hi viz jacket.I don't think the vechile is marked.All the other blokes working around here wear a yellow high viz

DaisyDaresYOU · 28/06/2011 14:55

Well I feel embarrased for a start.I think dp would laugh about it

nokissymum · 28/06/2011 14:55

Scruffy i know exactly what you mean. Its really hard if you're not the type of person that just shouts into someone face, trying to be polite and that, but with some men it just doesnt work.

There is a man in my neighbourhood, a cab driver, that stops to have a chat everytime he sees me, first time he did, he said i resembled some one he knew, we a bit a bit of polite conversation that lasted aboiut 1min and went our separate ways, or so i thought, i seem to bump into a lots in our local tescos, and he starts smiling, sickly smile and tries to start having a chat, it got to the point that i was dreading going to tescos. It wasnt just in tescos that i saw him, he seemed to be everywhere. This went on for about 2yrs.

one day i was crossing the road to my house when a car horned repetitively as as i looked up i saw a hand waving and quickly waved back, assuming it was a someone i knew, only for him to stick his head out of the car and it was this man! i was furious.

shortly afterwards i went to the station, and who would be parked outside ? this idiot, smiling and beckoning me over, i went over and said to him" DO I KNOW YOU ?" to which he answered "remmeber when i bumped into etc, so now we are friends!", No we are not friends and i dont know you i retorted.

I must say i was shaking after this confrontation, but i havent "bumped" into him since. In short tell him to GET LOST!

BornInAfrica · 28/06/2011 15:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

MitchiestInge · 28/06/2011 15:06

I'm not charitygirl, would have been happy to be a lone knobber without the need to resort to - I don't even know what you would call it, sock puppetry?

MumblingRagDoll · 28/06/2011 15:09

Tell him to piss off and also complain. Dirty old feker. I had to do a telephone interview yesterday for a client (I'm a writer) and the man said "Weren't you meant to call me at 3.00?" and I said sorry...and "Yes but I got stuck in traffic." and he said "Do it again and I'll smack your bottom" Angry

He got the roughedge of my tongue I can tell you! Old or not (he was 70) he was a pervert. He was banking on my being too polite to say anything....or too afraid of losing my contract...I told him to keep his filthy mind to himself and that if he wanted to carry on the interveiw he could apologise or piss off.

He apologised and what's more....if my client does not like the way I spoke to him THEY can piss off too. Men like this have been making women and girls feel rotten for YEARS....well there's a new generation of women out and about now....and we don't fucking take it.

garlicnutter · 28/06/2011 15:10

Hmm, well it's a pity you don't feel that DP would want to protect you if you're upset Daisy. You can still point out to Orange Dick that you dislike his behaviour and will complain if he carries on harassing you. IME, it's safest to do this when the others are there. And practise your Cross Headmistress face & voice for it!

DaisyDaresYOU · 28/06/2011 15:19

I just need to know if i'm over reacting?I totally ignore them and put a miseable face on.I could just tell them to fuck off and leave me alone but they know where I live so i'm a bit wary.I did say as I was getting my key out yesterday.stop staring at me quite rudely but I don't know if they heard me plus I wasn't engaging with them when I said it as I had me back to them

garlicnutter · 28/06/2011 15:33

Not over-reacting, no. What they're doing is creepy and it sounds deliberate - it is harassment. I think your best chance of stopping it is to show them you're not scared and overtly tell them to stop it.

I would also tell the police. Although they're probably just having a larf in their own eyes (haha), as you say they know where you live and this one guy does sound a bit strange from what you've said.

If they don't stop, tell them you've reported them to the police. I'm a very big fan of letting stalker types see you phone the cops.

Jux · 28/06/2011 15:44

Daisy, tell your dp that they follow you home. Have your phone ready on the approach to your cul de sac, with the cops' number ready to go. Take note of the reg number. If they follow you round again, call cops immediately.