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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a little worried about this mans attention

98 replies

scruffybird · 28/06/2011 12:42

I Go swimming once a week at my local pool and most times I go there is a man in there who is in his sixties who pay me a lot of attention, splashes me as I get in and flirts, its beginning to piss me off as all I want to do is get in, do my lanes and then get out. I try to vary when I go, but am limited to when the lanes are on in the evening and mostly he is there.
Bumped into him in the newsagent yesterday and he came in as my son was choosing some sweets and he started his usual banter. The shop assistant raised her eyebrows as he left, so she found it a bit inappropriate.
I try and ignore him as much as possible without being rude.
Do you think I am overeacting?
Would you say anything?
I was thinking of going swimming later, but the thought of him being there puts me off.

OP posts:
Bast · 28/06/2011 13:23

Don't blank. Don't ignore.

Silence condones.

Be vocal.

PinotsKittens · 28/06/2011 13:23

I understood what Worra meant perfectly well.

Mitchiest your intonation is odd.

worraliberty · 28/06/2011 13:24

Thanks melted but I think you're wasting your breath here. As I say..some people just aren't as intelligent as we'd like to give them credit for.

Explaining a simple post becomes like pissing in the wind, so it's really not worth the cyber ink.

MitchiestInge · 28/06/2011 13:25

I don't think it's a fair question. The man's behaviour is the problem, not the OP's, and to suggest otherwise is twisted logic to me. Nothing in her post suggests that she is inviting these attentions, am sure the pest knows perfectly well how uncomfortable he is making her. Not being rude is not a 'mixed signal'.

TandB · 28/06/2011 13:27

Are you a sex offender? What an odd thing to ask.
I suspect Worra was wondering if the OP sometimes feels constrained to be polite, perhaps sometimes giving him a half-hearted smile or one of those things we all do when we haven't actually been driven to the point of being blunt, and whether he is just not perceptive enough to realise the difference between that sort of half-hearted politeness and genuine receptiveness.

worraliberty · 28/06/2011 13:28

She's engaging in conversation with him mitch...therefore I feel he's not getting the message clearly Hmm

For the same reason, I'm going to stop engaging in conversation with you.

You're creeping me out more than the guy the OP has described

Collaborate · 28/06/2011 13:29

Think the 'mixed signals' thing is far more horrible thing to say than pointing out how horrible it is, which is what I did.

But not as horrible as likening someone to a sex offender. Oh no. That's way off the scale.

charitygirl · 28/06/2011 13:31

Oh I expect mitchiest has just seen enough of worraliberty's posts in the past to know that she does have a bit of a habit of thinking women 'ask for' men's unwanted attention

I know I have.

GetOrf · 28/06/2011 13:35

How horrible for you OP - you would especially feel vulnerable as you are standing there in swimming gear. It is not as easy to tell someone to fuck off in your swimsuit.

I would wait until I was in the pool (so cobvered up) and say 'do not speak to me any more, you are strange' and then swim off. If he persists in that infuriating way 'i am only being nice' then tell the pool attendant he is harassing you.

Urgh he sounds like a creep.

worraliberty · 28/06/2011 13:36

WTF charitygirl Care to find and post any of them if you're going to say that?

Jesus, is this post like a moron day or what?

PinotsKittens · 28/06/2011 13:37

FFS! What the jeff?

meltedchocolate · 28/06/2011 13:43

I don't see here where worra has even done that here. She is simply asking if the OP has not discouraged it enough for this particular man to 'get it'. She has not condoned his appalling behaviour. There are some people that leach on to you if you so much as nod/ smile in their direction. For these people you can not engage with them at all because they will get mixed signals (not that they should) not that OP is sending out mixed signals. It is not that OP has asked for anything.

charitygirl · 28/06/2011 13:46

As if I could be arsed. You're a really prolific poster, and I've definitely seen you post comments along the lines of women having to expect/accept attention if they dress a certain way etc. Not a huge leap to think that you might see 'mixed signals' where the poor OP just sees a minimum level of politeness, of the type women usually deploy to stop men getting nasty.

I thought mitchiest's post was fine.

Tchootnika · 28/06/2011 13:49

Jay-zuz.
OP posts straightforward question about irritating old bloke at pool, posters shriek about telling him to fuck off (OK, a couple of sensible ones along lines of 'why not point out you're there for a swim and go on your way')....
fastforward to shabby little bitchfight because some posters either can't read other posts or have ludicrous habit of reading stuff into them that simply isn't there.
Hot weather affecting you, is it, ladies?

YodelOdelTee · 28/06/2011 13:50
Biscuit
worraliberty · 28/06/2011 13:50

You're talking complete and utter bollocks charitygirl as your predictable reply As if I could be arsed confirms.

FWIW I believe (and always have done) that women and men should dress however the fuck they want.

So I suggest you either become 'arsed' about backing up the pile of shit you're posting or admit you've got the wrong bloody poster Hmm

MitchiestInge · 28/06/2011 13:52

I'm not a lady. Glad charitygirl could understand my post and it's a bonus that she agrees, so thanks for that.

meltedchocolate · 28/06/2011 13:52

Erm if you dress practically naked you can not expect that people wont look (let's be honest, that's why you would be doing it anyway) but this isn't about what the OP did but the man being one of the 'anything is a signal to me' type people, in which case OP will have to either report him, ignore him, or be rude to him. Not her fault, his, but something that she can actively do to try and help.

meltedchocolate · 28/06/2011 13:54

Just wont to note that I said people will look, not that they are allowed to grope or say horrible things to you.

worraliberty · 28/06/2011 13:55

You're a weirdo...lady or man.

You seem a tad obsessed with sex offenders for my liking.

Right, I need to get my hair done.

Charitygirl if you find you can be 'arsed' to attempt to back your lies up...please feel free to do so.

Good luck OP...sorry about the shite.

tazmin · 28/06/2011 13:55

So how is ignoring someone a mixed signal? Just sounds like sex offender thinking to me

dear god Itchyminge, you are vile

piratecat · 28/06/2011 13:56

no yanbu, ignore and avoid.

if he comes up to you again and gets flirty, say, please leave me alone.

see what that does.

then act on whatever occurs next.

let us know.

YodelOdelTee · 28/06/2011 13:58

How strange

DaisyDaresYOU · 28/06/2011 13:58

Yanbu.I'm getting unwanted attention at the moment.Exept they guys know where I live as the drove down into my cul de sac as I was walking down and stopped at my front door as I was letting myself in.I hate walking past them as they stop and stare at me.I feel realy uncomfy by it

DaisyDaresYOU · 28/06/2011 14:00

Really not realy

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