to slap my teenaged daughter?

[DogsBestFriend]

Excuse me whilst I seethe.

It was 16yo DDs last GCSE this morning at school a couple of villages away. She'd already tried the "School doesn't want us there, says we can't stop there" trick and I'd pointed out that this was bullshit unfortunate and that she would have to wait until 3.30pm to get the school bus home.

So, at 11am she gives me heart palpitations by leaving a "Call me! NOW!" message on 0800 reverse - she's got no credit left for emergencies on her mobile of course. She tells me that she's left school and is walking home (along dangerous A and B roads without pavements). I tell her to get her arse back into school! Madam argues that she doesn't want to be stuck there on her own.

I call the school to confirm that they're happy for her to remain until 3.30pm. Call madam back to say that school suggest the library and use the PCs, you have money, soon it will be lunchtime anyway, it's only 4.5 hours. Nope, she's going to call her father on 0800 reverse (who does sod all and will tell her to piss off). Failing that she's - get this - going to call her friend's Dad, who lives further away than we do and who she knows to be struggling for money, and ask him, as "The two people who should be doing this for me and caring for me won't".

She's right on one of them... but WTF am I supposed to do? Fashion transport for her out of a lawnmower and a few bits of wood?

Her Prom is very much at risk of going ahead without her on Friday, that's for sure. Otherwise, can I slap her please?

:o

I think its a bit pathetic that you have raised a DD to the age of 16 who cant walk along a road, no matter how busy tbh

Sorry, should have explained that the local taxi was often employed to bring us farm kids home (and the occasional end of term half day, or the fatefull day that the local bus didn't turn up), but in this case my mum laid it on especially for me as due to the time the exams ended and no one would have been available to pick me up from the end of the lane.

Bast - I agree

Re: my ealrier post - bikes and helmets- Thingumy read the rest of my sentence! I am already having this fight with an 11 year old! I was just sympathising at how difficult it is to get any kind of safety awareness into children of any age.
LeQueen I know your delightful little girls are not at this stage yet, but oh boy I never thought I would hear myself saying 'I would never have spoken to my mother like that and still don't' - but I have said it many many times and imposed many many sanctions - dd is not me and I am not my mum!

"She has just sat her last exam and instead of doing cartwheels and being damn proud of your daughter, you are being petty over a very silly argument"

YoungCatLady - You're spot on!

Yes, of course OP cares about her DD, and the suggestion that she has made her DD have a stroppy day is ridiculous! But quite a few people have suggested ways that could maybe resolve this without death stares over dinner tonight and it might be a good idea to consider them.

Especially Maryz, she always gives good teenager advice.

I'm torn here. Whilst I'd be pissed off with son doing this (though he is only 3, so hopefully I have a few months here or there before this sort of thing starts), and I've worked with enough stroppy female teenagers over the last 5 years, I can also see her point.

I remember VIVIDLY having to be the only one staying around after exams whilst friends met in town, relaxed and all those sort of things because my Mum felt that I still should be in school if I had the option. I can also remember the humiliation of her making me go in uniform on a few of the days when they weren't obligatory because she didn't believe me and I didn't have a letter.

At 16, independence, fitting in, and not being in the educational establishment when I didn't have to were EVERYTHING. I was something of a "freak" already, and having to explain why I was hanging around was more embarrassing and isolating.

YABU. I would not want to hang around an empty school for 4 1/2 hours after an exam.
Also I was living in my own flat at 17 so find the idea that a 16 yo can't walk along a busy road ludicrous tbh.

chocolate you've just reminded me. After my last gcse (chem) I went to London with a friend. The bus went past harrods and randomly, an incredibly beautiful man looked up at me and broke in to a huge smile. Awww, what a lovely memory 21 years on! :)

YABU but so is she - her excuse is being a teenager, what is yours?

what would happen if the school bus didnt turn up for whatever reason, or she missed it?

You should have let her walk ..but I'm more interested to know where her friends went and why she didn't go with them?

I think YADNBU. If she had explained that it's her last exam, and that - oh, I don't know - her friends were getting together somewhere for a celebration, and if she could get her own transport safely out of school, then that's fine.

What I don't like is that she tried to bullshit round you, then when that didn't work LEFT SCHOOL ANYWAY to try and force you into coming to collect her. Then when you stuck to your guns and told her to stay put, she tried putting you in an even WORSE position by pretending that you didn't give a shit to her friends' dad to try and guilt him into dropping his plans and helping her out!

I'm sorry, but that's a shitty thing to do, and I would be ringing her and telling her if she doesn't get her arse back to school and stay there until the school bus drops her home, then there will be no prom on Friday full-stop.

She knew your answer, and tried to force you and manipulate you into changing it just to suit her wants. I was FOREVER stuck in school after exams and in 6th Form because my father refused to collect me early, and it was a distance of about 10 miles that if I DID try to do on my own I'd almost certainly be either killed or at the very absolute least grounded.

OK, so the OP does not even have a car - so how was she ever supposed to pick her DD up - working or not?

If there is no reliable bus service in the area, I think I would have given her the taxi fair home just this once. Obviously, that would have had to be arranged in advance though - not alot an irate phonecall can do about that. I'm sure the school office would have allowed her to phone for a taxi.

Quite apart from the practicalities though I would also feel like slapping anyone who spoke to me like that - no matter what the circumstances! And, I genuinely would be interested to know how she expected you to pick her up - and in what .

This child can move out if she so chooses - maybe walking home when she isn't required to stay at school on the LAST day of exams could be let go!?

The way she dealt with it and spoke to OP is awful but OP created situation in the first place.

I disagree, DoMeDon. The daughter created this situation for herself by trying to lie her way out of having to stay there, and then trying to force the OP to change her mind by putting herself in danger by walking along roads she shouldn't be walking on. The whole thing is her own bloody fault. If she'd tried to reason with OP first, rather than just bullshitting around, then none of this would have happened. She wasn't happy being caught out in a lie, so threw her toys out the pram.

Mum knew it was last day of exams therefore her stand point was daft in first place.

The way she dealt with it and spoke to OP is awful but OP created situation in the first place

How did she? She made it very clear beforehand that her daughter would have to remain in school after the exam.

I think the daughter was rude and disrespectful.

The daughter created this situation for herself by trying to lie her way out of having to stay there, and then trying to force the OP to change her mind by putting herself in danger by walking along roads she shouldn't be walking on. The whole thing is her own bloody fault. If she'd tried to reason with OP first, rather than just bullshitting around, then none of this would have happened. She wasn't happy being caught out in a lie, so threw her toys out the pram

I agree. Manipulative behaviour as well as rude.

If the roads are anything like ours then I can fully understand why the OP did not want her daughter walking home.

There are no grass verges here,just 6/7 foot high hedges-add in a busy B road with milk tankers,heavy goods and farm machinery and not forgetting the speeding jerks.I also prefer my daughter not to walk 8 miles too.

A 4 hour wait for transport will not damage anyone,walking 8 miles along a treacherous road might.

Also some people just don't have the spare £25 to shell out for a taxi for a stroppy teen diva.

When I said I would ring a friend to drive me home she got really angry

She said she would call her friend's dad claiming that her mother didn't care about her. I think that's unacceptable behaviour.