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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to slap my teenaged daughter?

220 replies

DogsBestFriend · 28/06/2011 11:26

Excuse me whilst I seethe.

It was 16yo DDs last GCSE this morning at school a couple of villages away. She'd already tried the "School doesn't want us there, says we can't stop there" trick and I'd pointed out that this was bullshit unfortunate and that she would have to wait until 3.30pm to get the school bus home.

So, at 11am she gives me heart palpitations by leaving a "Call me! NOW!" message on 0800 reverse - she's got no credit left for emergencies on her mobile of course. She tells me that she's left school and is walking home (along dangerous A and B roads without pavements). I tell her to get her arse back into school! Madam argues that she doesn't want to be stuck there on her own.

I call the school to confirm that they're happy for her to remain until 3.30pm. Call madam back to say that school suggest the library and use the PCs, you have money, soon it will be lunchtime anyway, it's only 4.5 hours. Nope, she's going to call her father on 0800 reverse (who does sod all and will tell her to piss off). Failing that she's - get this - going to call her friend's Dad, who lives further away than we do and who she knows to be struggling for money, and ask him, as "The two people who should be doing this for me and caring for me won't".

She's right on one of them... but WTF am I supposed to do? Fashion transport for her out of a lawnmower and a few bits of wood? Angry

Her Prom is very much at risk of going ahead without her on Friday, that's for sure. Otherwise, can I slap her please?

:o

OP posts:
Bast · 28/06/2011 12:11

Grin DBF!

Wake her up at 5a.m. for daily and lengthy grooming?

AlpinePony · 28/06/2011 12:11

Come on now. She's just sat her exams and she's not allowed to walk home? Wtf?

I assume she knows which side of the road to walk on, not to wear her ipod and if someone is too fast to jump in a hedge?

Amazing. Old enough to get married, but not old enough for a stroll in the country.

Of course she's being a pita by demanding a lift, but who is it who's infantalised her?

PigletJohn · 28/06/2011 12:15

Walking 7 miles in silly shoes (and it might be raining today) probably won't kill her, but it might make her think a bit next time.

Unfortunately she'll blame you, whatever happens. Teenage girls are like that.

Original poster
DogsBestFriend · 28/06/2011 12:16

Bast, now you're giving me ideas... :) I'll call it practice for next year's college course shall I?

Oh, and I'm here "arguing" (still with a grin on my face) because I'm waiting patiently for a call and a canine client and am indeed wasting time, Sewmuchtodo. :)

OP posts:
LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 28/06/2011 12:16

I can see both sides of this - I can see myself in this position any minute now and my dd is only 11 (going on 16) and about to go up to secondary! I know it's really frustrating to have your instructions, especially re: safety, ignored, but it looks as though there should have been more forward planning here. I would not make a fuss about a 16 year old walking or cycling home, (as others have said she could get married and have children and be living away from home at her age) but it would have been agreed in advance. Thing is I would insist on her wearing her helmet and high-viz jacket but would know full-well she would not do this!
How you deal with the rudeness and unreasonable behaviour re: phoning the friend's dad is the trickier subject now I feel...I would want some sort of sanctions for that but missing the prom is too harsh.

Original poster
DogsBestFriend · 28/06/2011 12:19

"How you deal with the rudeness and unreasonable behaviour re: phoning the friend's dad is the trickier subject now I feel...I would want some sort of sanctions for that but missing the prom is too harsh."

Okay... so I slap her, no? :o :o :o

OP posts:
Thingumy · 28/06/2011 12:21

'Thing is I would insist on her wearing her helmet'

At 16? ha ha ha -You have a lot to learn about teenage girls....

Animation · 28/06/2011 12:23

Don't rain on her parade when you see her tonight. It's celebration time come on. Grin

Maryz · 28/06/2011 12:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bast · 28/06/2011 12:31

DBF, I'd walk them in particularly grotty, muddy, pondy spots the evening before and call it justice Wink

Badgerwife · 28/06/2011 12:42

I'm a bit Hmm that a 16 year old can't walk home from school on her own.

She is being stroppy to demand a lift and to go calling her friend's dad if you can't do it, and I don't blame you for being angry about that but to be honest, had I been her, depending on how long a walk home it is, I would have just taken off without even calling.

So I sort of understand but YABU.

ellisbell · 28/06/2011 12:43

No you shouldn't slap her, or make her miss the prom. She should be paying you back the small fortune that 0800 reverse calls cost and she should receive other punishment for disobedience.

I imagine if she had tried she could have arranged to be somewhere other than school. We have certainly offered to have children stay here until their parents can collect them or we'd take them back to school in time for the bus home.

islanzadi · 28/06/2011 12:44

If these travel arrangements were discussed before then yanbu.. But were they?

Cymar · 28/06/2011 12:44

YABU. If your DD is a NT 16yo, then she should be capable of crossing any road and getting home by herself.

worraliberty · 28/06/2011 12:48

0800 reverse doesn't have to cost a penny ellis

My son uses it to call me...he's given a nano second to say his name but he says 'Mum, call me'.

I reject the reverse charge call and then phone him myself as normal.

Original poster
DogsBestFriend · 28/06/2011 12:55

Worra, I wish I'd thought of that! :(

She can pay for the call - or at least she can do chores to make up for it.

It was discussed beforehand, she was told that unless she wanted to spend her prom-hairdo money on getting home today she would have to wait at school until 3.30pm as there is no other option. Hardly the worst thing in the world to suffer.

Maryz, she may be 16 but she won't do as she likes whilst she lives in my house and she certainly won't try to take advantage of the parents of other children or speak to me as if I'm shit and accuse me of never doing anything for her when I'm the only person to have raised her all her life.

OP posts:
TrilllianAstra · 28/06/2011 12:56

she was told that unless she wanted to spend her prom-hairdo money on getting home today she would have to wait at school until 3.30pm as there is no other option.

Then SHE is BVU to have thrown a tantrum, she was well aware of the facts. But if she wanted to take a long nasty walk I think you should have let her.

seeker · 28/06/2011 12:57

Why don't you want her to walk home?

PfftTheMagicDragon · 28/06/2011 12:59

I agree with Trillian.

I think that she knew the consequences, and was terribly rude. She needs consequences for her rudeness. And calling all sorts of people is not on. Dramatic, much?

I do think, however, that she is really old enough to walk home alone, and that you should let her do so.

Original poster
DogsBestFriend · 28/06/2011 13:01

seeker, it's over 7 miles along A roads and some B roads. Traffic speed horrendous, no pavement from when you get out of the school's village until the edge of my own. Road twists on blind curves and narrows, is used like a racetrack ( Blush I know, I can drive like that myself!). I'm in my 40s and I wouldn't walk along that route much less consider it safe for a dopey blonde DD. :)

She'll thank me eventually... it's been absolutely PISSING it down at the moment and had she had her way she'd be walking home in a t-shirt.

OP posts:
TrilllianAstra · 28/06/2011 13:03

She is old enough to choose to walk home or to choose to not be an idiot and just wait for the bus. I imagine she was only threatening to walk home because she thought that would make you magically conjur up a car and driver to take her home.

Animation · 28/06/2011 13:04

"I think that she knew the consequences, and was terribly rude. She needs consequences for her rudeness."

Oh for goodness sakes - leave the kid alone !!

AlpinePony · 28/06/2011 13:04

Does she know the green cross code and how to walk along roads safely?

Are you planning to impart this information before or after her marriage?

Animation · 28/06/2011 13:05

"it's over 7 miles along A roads and some B roads"

What, and no buses?

Original poster
DogsBestFriend · 28/06/2011 13:05

Oh no, she was stupid enough serious, Trillian and was already making her way out of the village. Hmm

I was thinking of fashioning a car out of papier mache... whatcha think? :o

OP posts:
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