to slap my teenaged daughter?

[DogsBestFriend]

Excuse me whilst I seethe.

It was 16yo DDs last GCSE this morning at school a couple of villages away. She'd already tried the "School doesn't want us there, says we can't stop there" trick and I'd pointed out that this was bullshit unfortunate and that she would have to wait until 3.30pm to get the school bus home.

So, at 11am she gives me heart palpitations by leaving a "Call me! NOW!" message on 0800 reverse - she's got no credit left for emergencies on her mobile of course. She tells me that she's left school and is walking home (along dangerous A and B roads without pavements). I tell her to get her arse back into school! Madam argues that she doesn't want to be stuck there on her own.

I call the school to confirm that they're happy for her to remain until 3.30pm. Call madam back to say that school suggest the library and use the PCs, you have money, soon it will be lunchtime anyway, it's only 4.5 hours. Nope, she's going to call her father on 0800 reverse (who does sod all and will tell her to piss off). Failing that she's - get this - going to call her friend's Dad, who lives further away than we do and who she knows to be struggling for money, and ask him, as "The two people who should be doing this for me and caring for me won't".

She's right on one of them... but WTF am I supposed to do? Fashion transport for her out of a lawnmower and a few bits of wood?

Her Prom is very much at risk of going ahead without her on Friday, that's for sure. Otherwise, can I slap her please?

:o

Cruel??

Really?

Sorry, I don't see it that way. Inconvenient for her (not that she has any other plans), a bit boring, but cruel? Nah, you're having a laugh! :)

OK so it would be nice if she could go home but actually its not possible so she'll have to wait for the bus. That is not cruel its just tough luck.

yy, Animation

You can just imagine OP's DD. Having worked hard and finally finished her GCSEs and then stuck in bloody boring school.

Doesn't excuse her behaviour, but does explain why she was so upset.

YABU. It would be shit to be ordered to stay at school after your final exam, especially as everyone else has probably left to celebrate.

But she has to stay at school for 4 hours with nothing at all to do and no one to spend time with!

If that was you you'd be feeling crap, lonely and grumpy too. No she didn't have to be rude, but she had every right to be annoyed with you being so over protective about her walking home at the expensive of her happiness.

Distance is about 7 miles. :)

This was meant to be lighthearted (though I don't take her bloody insolence in a lighthearted way, I can tell you!), but I'm seriously surprised at some people's interpretation of the word "cruel" and the fact that they think it reasonable for a girl to walk 7 miles along a dangerous A or B road.

Oh well, nowt so strange as folk. Clearly some of you think me strange too! :)

Christ I left home at 16, a 16 year old should be able to walk home with or without parents.

"Call me NOW" is the sort of thing a normal teenager says - especially if she's just finished her GCSEs.

OP - be nice nice to her for God's sakes.

7 miles is a bit far to walk.
I would read her the riot act but not ban the prom, they are a once in a lifetime thing.
ground her after it or something

Animation I will NOT be nice to anyone who speaks to me the way she did!

She was being grumpy and rude.

You are working so can't pick her up - that is fair enough. Presumably she knew this and throwing a tantrum like a toddler to try to get you to leave work is out of order.

But she doesn't have to stay in school, she can do whatever she likes provided she gets herself home.

If other friends were getting picked up or going into town or whatever why couldn't she go with them?

I am just wondering why this is in AIBU when you obviously think you are completely correct and really are not looking for an oppinion?

Yes she should be more mature at that age to know it's wrong to simply call everyone she wishes but is she not also old enough to have caught a form of public transport? How far away is the school?

Does she not have a friend she could hang out with?

Being banned from the prom is way too harsh imo.

Yes she was a bolshie little madam, and shouldn't have taken her annoyance out on you. Could she not have got a taxi? That's what ds has been doing on days when he couldn't cycle back from exams because pissing down.

Blimey, four hours stuck in school after taking an exam? I feel her pain.

OP, I can understand you don't want her walking along A and B roads with no pavements, but a bit of sympathy and a touch of "I know it's a pita and I'll make it up to you later" would not have come amiss if you were really going to make her stay at school for that long.

Newsflash. teenagers are self-centred. Ordering her to stay at school, rather than negotiating with her, was always going to lead to brattish behaviour. YABU

Sorry I was typing as you were posting! Is there a service bus?

"Nope, she's going to call her father on 0800 reverse (who does sod all and will tell her to piss off)"

What's with the dad?

Sorry, but I don't see what she's done so terrible - or why she should be stopped from going to the prom.

I was a meek and respectful mouse at 16 bit I think even I would have been a bit cross at having to wait at school all day after finishing my last exam. Shouldn't they all be down the park drinking cider andgettingfingered ?

I don't get why she didn't just go with some of her friends though...

I'm amazed at her voluntarily walking 7 miles - presumably ins what passes fro school shoes for a teenager these days!

Where were all her friends?

"I am just wondering why this is in AIBU when you obviously think you are completely correct and really are not looking for an oppinion?"

As I said, this is supposed to be a lighthearted post but if you want to know, no, I don't think I'm completely correct, I know it! I won't take being told that I don't do anything for her when I've brought her up singlehandedly!

In answer to other questions, there is no public transport AT ALL from the school to our village and a taxi would cost approx £25, being charged from source in the nearest city centre to school and then from school to home. I haven't any cash on me in order to pay it even if I were willing to do so after madam's way of behaving.

She's just finished her last GCSE, you should be sharing her sense of relief and giving her a big cuddle right now, not leaving her at school on her own whilst all her friends are off celebrating.
Then to suggest that she misses her prom because she dares complain about the situation?
Sorry if you think it's harsh but yes you are being cruel.

I gave my 16 year old dd £3 to treat herself to an ice cream and a cold drink as I couldn't pick her up after she finished her exams yesterday.
Don't ban her from the prom that is asking for more trouble, perhaps you both should have given it more thought before she left to go to school, she could have arranged to go to a friends house or gone shopping with friends for a bit. But she is perfectly capable of orgainsing her own life including walking home on her own, leave her to it.

What were all her friends doing at that time? Why didn't she go wherever they were going?

OP-my daughter tried the same tactic last week.

We are out in the sticks with very limited public transport and I don't drive.I got a screaming phone call after the exam (which finished 2 hours before school transport left for home).We are 8 miles away and it's simply not a road you can walk alongside,you'd have to cut across countryside to get back here safely.

I repeated the words 'there is no other option' 'yes,but there is no other option'.

She gave up after a few minutes.

Hardly difficult or cruel to have to wait around for suitable transport.

I'm sure there will be tougher situations to deal with in the following years