Children who are deemed 'fussy eaters' seem to have no problem hoofing down sugary and fatty foods!

[pingu2209]

I have at least 4 friends whose children are deemed 'fussy eaters'. Whenever they come to play and have a meal with us, the parents/mothers always apologise in advance, during and after at how their children 'eat nothing' and are 'really fussy'.

My house rules are if you don't like something, fine then leave it. However, you don't get a pudding if you don't eat your main meal.

ALL of the so called fussy eaters are given chocolate biscuits or cake or crisps as soon as they get home, then refuse to eat their dinners but their parents allow them a sugary/fatty pudding anyway.

Is the reality that there are no fussy eaters, just parents that let their children develop a taste for junk food and allow them to get away with eating nothing but junk food?

My DD would happily live on meat with a few crisps thrown in. As a baby she would eat anything, gradually her range of food has shrunk.
At the weekend she tried tuna for the first time since she was about 6 months old. She liked it so we added some mayo and sweetcorn and she ate that.
She is a child of massive self control. She did once not eat for three days. She did drink water though.

Grrr, smugness when you haven't lived life with a difficult eater is a real pain.

Explain how, from birth we struggled with feeding, yes from birth. A newborn can't possibly be controlled.

Took until 4.5 to get a sensible diet down, and that is after being on a child nutritionists prescribed diet of nuggets (which I made from scratch) wotsits and toffee yoghurts, this after I rang the GP crying because he hadn't eaten for 5 days.

We are real foodies in this house, and I took the hardline approach. It nearly sent us all mad.

He does like chocolate and sweets but can take or leave most cakes, puddings etc. Didn't eat chips until 6, we went on holiday when he was 4 and he lived on bread and bananas, despite having a full buffet available at every meal so we could try anything, he wouldn't.

DS now 8 and I still find it incredible to watch a small child eat well, it is something we never had and we still have the excitement when he trys something for himself and likes it. I had to leave the room over the weekend and disappear for half an hour as I was so overwhelmed by his excitement over how nice strawberries are.

So walk in our shoes then come and bloody preach.

I have seen a child control their parents with food. My DN is almost 4 and she has an abysmal diet. My BIL is a very fussy eater and will not touch anything milky or vaguely resembling milk (this includes mayonnaise and pale gravy), and this has been passed on to DN.

I made us all scrambled egg on toast and she refused to even look at it let alone try it resulting in a massive tantrum when told there was nothing else. DSIS immediately gave in and took her to Greggs for a sausage roll (pastry eaten, sausage left), so she was rewarded for not trying something new!

DSIS's freezer is full of nuggets, pizza, chips and cheap sausages. The only veg I have ever seen DN eat is peas.

Contrast my rules, DD nearly 5 and will try anything. Confronted with something new she knows she has to try a mouthful to see if she likes it. She has to swallow whatever it is. If she doesn't like it, she can leave it on her plate. I will serve whatever it was again and the same rule applies because tastes change.

Consequently DD loves olives, cornichons, all sorts of fish and seafood, asparagus, brussel sprouts, etc

I think with my DSIS it's lazy parenting (anything for a quiet life) and also screwing her kid up by passing on her own and BIL's bizarre eating habits. I don't like lamb or tomatoes but I never showed the dislike to DD so she has no problem eating both.

Oh Gingerwrath.

My 7 year old is fussy, his 13 year old sister is not. They have both been brought up in the exact same manner.

I have tried your method to the bloody letter and my ds will not even open his mouth to try anything new he clamps it shut. We have had the tears and tantrums and sending to his room. Nothing works. Walk a mile in my shoes before you judge. Bloody lazy parenting indeed. Grrrrrrrr.

"So walk in our shoes then come and bloody preach."

Exactly.

DS2 doesn't eat puddings - he isn't that keen on sweet stuff, he has a diary allergy (his first experience of food was yoghurt at 6 months old, he went into anaphylactic shock), he has reflux which is made worse when he doesn't have small amounts of food regularly and the worse his reflux is, the less he wants to eat due to pain. He has a limited diet (which does include fruit, veg, meat etc, etc), but given the choice of eating or not, he simply chooses not to - this then makes his reflux worse and he wants to eat even less. It is a vicious circle. I'm fed up of self-righteous people telling how "he won't starve himself" etc etc etc.

Doh, he has a dairy allergy - he does not have an allergy to dairies of course .

Fimbo in my DSIS's instance that is EXACTLY what it is, lazy parenting,if it doesn't come out of a jar or packet, she won't cook it. In fact my DSIS's OWN diet is childlike, they eat the nuggets, pizza, chips and cheap sausages too!

When DSIS overheard my DD playing shops with her DD she said 'your DD just said Pancetta, what is Pancetta?'

what is Pancetta?

poncy bacon?

pancetta

gymbunnynot you sound like you have turned food in your house into a major major issue :(

why so tazmin?

I can count my sons ribs, he'll eat so few things (would live on fruit only given the chance).

I give him what I know he'll eat (plain pasta and homemade pizza) because otherwise he will eat nothing at all (I know because I tried). I would do anything to get him eating chicken nuggets and chips.

Tazmin that is the definition I gave her, I mean it's sold in every supermarket now!

Ginger my sis (no D ) is exactly the same and while I shouldn't judge, being the parent of a food-refusing child, it drives me insane with jealousy because her children eat anything and never get more than Iceland sausages, nuggets, reconstituted meat and potato shapes with beans or spahetti hoops. Ever.

She doesn't even know where the fruit and veg aisles in the big supermarket are and is buying a new fridge freezer because all she uses the fridge section for is beer and butter. I shouldn't, but grrrrrrrr because they adore fruit and it is "too expensive" apparently

DS was playing with toy food the other day and identified an aubergine to her amazement but that's just down to watching far too much CBeebies

My mother never let us have pudding unless we cleared our plates. I can remember gagging on sprouts and retching on dry boiled new potatoes. I am convinced this is part of the reason that I am overweight now - as soon as I was able to eat whatever I liked I overindulged in previously restricted foods because I could.

She's quite a good cook now and will do pasta, curries, stir fries etc but in the early 1980s dinner was meat, 2 (overcooked) veg and potatoes. And I hated it.

Anyone who adopts the "you'll sit there until you eat it" approach is not setting their child up for a happy relationship with food in the future. DS can be fussy and sometimes he wolfs down everything in sight. I try not to react negatively to the fussiness or positively to the "good" eating. He has access to a wide range of foods and will usually eat two good meals out of three in the day. He is 4. I think with very young children in particular it is more important to ensure that they are having a balanced, varied diet across the course of say a week rather than getting hung up on presenting the perfectly balanced government approved plate at every meal and having it cleared.

Fussy eating is an odd beast.

I mean yes, you do see kids who are fairly obviously just manipulative. But there are also plenty of kids with SN/SEN or are just extremely texture sensitive where it's not as simple as junk food okay, healthy stuff no thank you.

My SIL is quite fussy, despite having gone to the same boarding school as my DH, where obviously she was not given any choice about food with the result that she is just really thin, while DH eats anything he can get his hands on at high speed. As a child she wouldn't eat chips/nuggets etc, still doesn't eat much chocolate etc. She does have a healthy diet it's just very select.

It is miserable being the parent of a fussy eater. I am great at making excuses as to why this is, but am only too aware that much of the fussiness is simply down to my dd playing a game of who's in charge, mummy or me? She's no better at nursery , I hoped she would be as she's often better behaved for others, but really the only thing she really enjoys eating voluntarily are few and far between (some healthy, some unhealthy).
It's a constant worry for me and I really do not want food to become a huge issue as i was anorexic in my teens and don't want her to follow that path.
So yes, sometimes I do give in and give her want she wants just so she'll eat something, but every night mealtimes are a battle as I'm determined to get something decent into her. However fish fingers & chips are eaten no more willingly than spag Bol or fish pie.
It's really nice when others judge you when you're trying your best & always worried. I might say the same as the op's friends when I visit others simply to avoid an enormous meltdown and the embarrassment that goes with it.

"BalloonSlayer - Its fine to give children what they like if they will eat a balanced diet. But what if your child says that they only like chips, chocolate and crisps - surely you don't think then that we should just feed a child these foods."

No Lesley I don't think that would be all right. But I am not sure what I would do either...

I put veg on DDs plate for five years as I was assured she would eat it in the end. Am still waiting! (My Mum used to say "I will give you just five peas, OK?" and she still laughs today at how hysterical I would get if she gave me six "You said FIVE!!!" I still feel the same, if she'd said five peas she should have given me five!)

So of course DD doesn't eat as balanced a diet as I would like. She shakes with genuine fear and revulsion if asked to try something new. I guess I am an old softie because I can remember that feeling from my own childhood. I remember sausages and Ginger nuts tasting so spicy I couldn't eat them without a drink to hand, maybe things I still don't like today (like peas) tasted much more strongly unpleasant to me back then.

She does eat apples and grapes and potatoes and pasta and chicken so it's not all bad. However she will only eat dairy-free cheese - her older brother is severely allergic to milk and eggs and her diet had to be the same as his for the first few years of her life in case she had the same allergies, so it was quite restricted at an early stage. DS1 has always been a good eater and loves his veg. She, well, isn't. And she will not be convinced that "proper" cheese is better than "special cheese." She will not even eat pizza, she has to have our manky home made dairy free ones. So we have indulged her in that, as of course it is easier for us to give all three DCs the same homemade pizzas, and DS1 feels less left out . . . sigh.

As a previous poster has said, if you child is "fussy" then when they eat something you are over the moon. DD is definitely in the fussy category and will only eat breakfast cereal and yoghurt. She can survive for days on just this. So, if she does then eat a crisp or two or a biscuit, I'm delighted and think at least she has a few more calories in her. Don't always judge as you don't know what goes on behind closed doors. I am often in tears with a DD who at 2 won't eat.

Tamzin, thanks for that, really helpful. I am doomed if I try the 'get on with it approach' and doomed if I 'pander'.

Hmmm perhaps you would like to speak to the team who are currently assessing him for a range of issues and then come and tell me I have made food a major issue.

It is an issue if your child simply won't eat and is underweight because of it.

Like I said, walk a mile in the shoes of a parent of a child who won't eat and see how smug you feel then. Unless you have then you simply will not get it.

Actually even better, go talk to the pediatrician who put him on a high fat diet, no doubt serious judgy pants would be worn if you saw what we had to try and feed him with then!

sorry, i agree with OP

while its true that there are dc with GENUINE eating issues, sn etc, lots of kids are like the OP describes

i have a friend with a DD who is so fussy she is INFURIATING. and its entirely coz her mum lets her be like it if they come and eat with us, she will poke at it, then eat NOTHING and then beg for "something else" (read-pudding) and i throughly enjoy giving my DC pudding, (as, invariably, they make a decent effort with their main course) and not letting her have any :o

My eldest Ds is a fussy eater. He is underweight but he eats a good healthy meal for his dinner but he won't touch butter on anything and at school picks at his school lunch. My youngest is the opposite and will eat even when he is not hungry, so I am trying to reduce the amount of crisps,biccies ect but on the other hand I don't want Ds1 losing weight! Argh.

My DD had reflux until she was 3 which left her with issues regarding eating as she associated it with pain. She was also severly underweight. The advice from the experts was to give her anything to eat as long as she eats, not to worry about snacking, just let her eat what she wants when she wants it. (we did give her healthy foods too, some of which she loved) We went along with this and it worked out fine, in that she didn't lose any more weight.

Now that she is a bit older she eats brilliantly. A good varied diet etc. I have had to get stricter about the snacking which has taken a while but it's all worked out ok.

Oh and they also told me not to withhold deserts as a punishment for not eating dinner, as there should be no such thing as good foods or bad foods and to never use food as a reward.