Children who are deemed 'fussy eaters' seem to have no problem hoofing down sugary and fatty foods!

[pingu2209]

I have at least 4 friends whose children are deemed 'fussy eaters'. Whenever they come to play and have a meal with us, the parents/mothers always apologise in advance, during and after at how their children 'eat nothing' and are 'really fussy'.

My house rules are if you don't like something, fine then leave it. However, you don't get a pudding if you don't eat your main meal.

ALL of the so called fussy eaters are given chocolate biscuits or cake or crisps as soon as they get home, then refuse to eat their dinners but their parents allow them a sugary/fatty pudding anyway.

Is the reality that there are no fussy eaters, just parents that let their children develop a taste for junk food and allow them to get away with eating nothing but junk food?

Kids should eat whatever is put in front of them. If they don't eat it, they don't get anything else.

My dd1 is a fussy eater (although she's a lot better now than she used to be) she's always been equally fussy across the board whether sweet/savoury/healthy/unhealthy. She won't eat nuggets, burgers or most cake but will eat broccoli, stilton and brown rice. She went for tea at her friend's house, turned down the chocolate crispy cakes and asked for olives instead.

Why is it people use the excuse that one child eats fine the other won't so it's not me he must have a problem with food, all children are different just because one child likes everything doesn't mean the other won't turn round and say all I'm eating is fishfingers! Not all children who refuse food have serious food issues either some like mine are just difficult to feed!

We have friends who's 13 yr old has alist of foods he will eat including wotsits by the bucketfull.we went for a meal and he played ps3 all theway thru next to table and then wasa allowed to pick at remains before eating watsits.
I was told yrs ago that if you refuse deserts for not eating dinner then you give the message that sweet is the reward and savoury is to be endured,makes sense really.Our puddings are only ever yogurt or fruit so dc's tend not to get over excited

What makes you think a 'fussy eater' would eat chicken nuggest and chips? I would be dancing in the streets if my DS would eat chicken nuggets and chips. He wont. He is happy to go without food. To the point of needing medical attention. Should i sit on him and force feed him perhaps? My DD on the other hand has never eaten chicken nugget and chips either. As I dont cook them, I prepare good wholesome food for my whole family, unfortunatly one member will not eat any of it. He gets so stressed out with people gioving him too much attention when he is eating that he has been known to throw up all over the table. (Thanks PIL for your archaic 'help')

And yes, children were fussy during rationing, my Nans brother was such a child. He didnt eat what was in front of him, was often beaten for it...still didnt eat it. He lived on bread and dripping into his teens. Still lived a full life into his 80's.

She won't eat nuggets, burgers or most cake but will eat broccoli, stilton and brown rice. She went for tea at her friend's house, turned down the chocolate crispy cakes and asked for olives instead

by prof !! :o

A child that won't eat food or throws up at the table because of the stress and anxiety eating causes him is obviously a child that has serious food issues not a child that has just developed a dislike for anything but crap i don't think in that instance anyone would say you should force him to eat anything! It's not the same at all

My ds has been brought up in the exact same manner as his sister Kara with the same food choices. My dd eats anything and everything from healthy food to junk food. But ds is different and it is a struggle. He doesn't like typical junk food and is even fussy about biscuits and crisps. He had a taste of lemonade once and hated it, have never offered him coke. He hates juice of any type and will only drink milk or water. The basis of what little he does eat is healthy albeit the only veg he will eat are carrots or broccoli but we are working on it. I used to only eat 5 peas when I was young. If my mum dared to put more on, then I would count them out and refuse. Now I love anything. I am hoping small baby steps will lead to more food eating.

Kara...how would anyone else know the difference though, without a full explanation from the DC parents they would just look like another pandered to child. And Tbh, even when you tell people the full extent, they rarely believe you, often a whole load of 'well in my day' ' a week with me' 'you pander to him' 'you've let him get away with it' you get the picture.... my own Dsis, doesnt get it, why would a stranger in a restaurant, the staff in a cafe, half of bloody mumsnet. Thats the point. I wont generally go into song and verse aboput what my DS will wont eat, i will generally just say he wont eat XYZ, might eat ABC, dont worry if he doesnt eat anything ill feed him myself or whatever. EVERYONE who hears this will think, well all the examples above, it's my fault and hes just being a pita..

(..BabyDubsHobbits are often pita's in many ways :)

Fimbo, it will! I was the worst eater as a young child, not making a big deal of it worked, i eat anything (everything!) now. I fully expect my DS to be the same. Hope it works out for your DS too :)

I think what people forget is that parents are hard-wired to nurture their children, to feed them, and to give them the best of what is on offer. Forcing a child to eat something they hate eating goes against every parental instinct. I think it's perfectly normal to want to give children things they like to eat, so that eating is the pleasurable experience it ought to be.

Of course there are the children that live on cake because that has been taken to an extreme level. But generally what is going on is only parents trying to feed their kids, get them to grow up big and strong AND keep them happy.

supervixen - I get bugger all other chance to boast about dd1's eating habits, I take all the opportunities I get!

My ds2 also usually has chips on the rare occasions we eat out as it is one of the few things unlikely to contain milk. Many stock cubes contain milk protein, milk is used as filler protein in some types of ham, some bread contains milk, most margarines contain milk protein, many foods will have been made using butter. In addition to a milk allergy, he is also allergic to sesame and pulses. So, when you are busy judging a young child for sitting and eating a plate of chips when out, bare in mind that may be a choice made out of necessity.

My DS also eats nothing but chips in the local cafe, and that's because (like UnseenAcademicalMum's DS) he is allergic to everything else on the menu, including the 'plain' veg which has butter on it.

I get really sick of people looking askance at me for feeding my toddler 'unhealthy' food when they don't know the whole story. Actually, I am really pleased if he eats a whole plate of (unsalted) chips because they're really fatty and it's hard to get enough fat into him without giving him dairy products.

UnseenAcademicalMum, these days, I calm down by imagining all those judgemental people being presented with a big drippy-wet fish

Ballonslayer no one I is suggesting forcing their child to eat the meal is simply placed in front of them and THEY make the choice but the won't be getting anything else and I suggest the fact that these fussy eaters no mummy and daddy will skip along make something else if they scream,cry,reach,pick of couse they will continue.

Its very telling somone on here said their child taser lemon aid and didn't like it well on average it take a child 12 times of trying. A food to get to like it

Ican just imagin

Parent please try this dear

Cild no followed by screams and yelps

Parent oh dear and gets the nuggets out

Greenbananas

I'm with balloonslayer on this one. It's our instinct to feed our children the best that we have to offer. If DS absolutely refuses to eat something new that I make for dinner, I do offer alternatives, usually after half an hour or so (and I try to make those alternatives healthy, but sometimes I am more concerned to just feed him the calories he needs - he is a skinny little mite).

Obviously, I might feel differently if DS did not have major reactions to some foods (sadly, the one time I refused to give him anything but the pasta I "knew" was safe, it turned out to be contaminated with traces of dairy and he was horribly ill, so I tend to trust his instincts these days, even though he is still very young).

As I've said many times earlier on this thread, I did have very real problems with milk as a child - they were nothing like as serious as my DS and they were never diagnosed - but my parents / friends' parents / teachers refused to believe me and I was forced to eat it. I will never put a child through that!! How do all you 'take it or leave it' type mums reckon you can tell the difference between a 'genuine' food problem and mere fussiness?

Maypole1 - yes, of course. Children's behaviour around food is ALWAYS that simple. Silly me! Fancy, as a psychologist, thinking that feeding disorders exist. Glad you could put me right with that astonishingly perceptive summary of the relationship. Best give up on the PhD then ...

Maypole1 you're a foster-carer, yes?

I hope to God you have training with regard to children with sensory food issues.

I'm sure that there are specific disorders and conditions that relate to food and young children - but surely in those cases, they are generally detected when the child becomes unwell through lack of nourishment or failing to thrive (is that term still used)?

I agree with Maypole1 - if a child is otherwise healthy and active, then they won't starve themselves. They may be picky if they are not hungry, but it won't kill them to miss a meal or two; especially if the diet they generally eat is balanced and nourishing. I do remember being told to balance DD's diet over the course of a week when she was a toddler - so if she only ate veg on one day, then offer her carbs the next day.

Another factor to consider is the quantity of milk that it is now advised children drink - I was amazed at how much milk DSS was drinking when he was five; my DD was on a lot less than that at the same age. It is a food, and filling, and maybe a lot of fussy eaters just aren't that hungry

NotaDisneyMum, the term "failing to thrive" is indeed still used (such a lovely term, when you are doing everything possible to get your child to eat something, anything). However, if you e.g. see a child in a cafe eating an unhealthy meal, can you judge whether they have genuine issues, or whether they are "just fussy"? DS2 has been "failing to thrive" since around 7 months old (now 3.1 years), you wouldn't know it to look at him, but then, you wouldn't look at him and think he was a 3 year old, you'd look at him and assume he was 18 months-2 years (and fgs, why is that mother allowing a child of that age to eat a plate of chips? See previous post about milk allergy). I generally wouldn't even explain to passing acquaintances or anyone other than very close family who we might visit, as I get sick of hearing everyone's anecdotes about how they knew someone just the same and "a healthy child won't starve themselves you know". Having seen ds2 go for 4 days without eating (by choice), with his reflux getting worse due to not eating, yes, he bloody well would starve himself. Still, I'm sure you could differentiate him from a simple "fussy" eater, couldn't you?

P.S. he doesn't drink any milk - what with being allergic and all, so no he is not filling up on milk.

Gingerwrath: "Exactly PrettyMeercat that is what I mean, food 'issues' can be learned behaviour, I loathe tomatoes, I just make sure when I dish up I don't put any on my plate, DD none the wiser and eats hers. If I made a big deal 'Ewwww yuck, I hate tomatoes, I am going to throw this whole plate of food away incase the rest of it has been contaminated by the tomatoes', how long would it take for DD to suddenly hate tomatoes too?"

Gingerwrath, you should practice what you preach by eating up the same tomatoes you loathe that you so blithely serve up to your dd and expect her friends to eat. It is the height of hypocrisy to allow yourself to choose what you want to eat but not give that same choice to children. Instead of congratulating yourself on 'inculcating' good food attitudes, you want to ask yourself why you are getting so worked up over food. It is not personal.

I'm not one to judge others when out, not my style!

I thought the OP referred to children visiting her home and yes, if I was feeding a child with a medical condition I would expect to be told about it rather than just watch the child refuse to eat what I offered.

lots of messages and I haven't read all 248... but... I have a "fussy eater". for whatever reason, at 5 weeks old she found her thumb and rejected the breast. It became difficult to get her to take milk, and then to take food, and on and on. She is small for her age. I basically am happy if she eats anything at all. So she eats a lot of meat, because she only takes in such tiny portions of food at a time, I figure it may as well be high protein. I try my best not to indulge sweets. But the more stressed we get about food the less she eats.

I guess I just want to say it's more complicated than just parents "indulging."
Every meal was a battle for awhile. Then when DH went into hospital I started just feeding DD in front of the telly. And that is the way meals stayed. But at least she eats something. Before then, the "meal" would end up with everything in the fridge being offered, and nothing eaten, lots of screaming and tears. And if she didn't eat one bit of dinner, no sweet either.