Children who are deemed 'fussy eaters' seem to have no problem hoofing down sugary and fatty foods!

[pingu2209]

I have at least 4 friends whose children are deemed 'fussy eaters'. Whenever they come to play and have a meal with us, the parents/mothers always apologise in advance, during and after at how their children 'eat nothing' and are 'really fussy'.

My house rules are if you don't like something, fine then leave it. However, you don't get a pudding if you don't eat your main meal.

ALL of the so called fussy eaters are given chocolate biscuits or cake or crisps as soon as they get home, then refuse to eat their dinners but their parents allow them a sugary/fatty pudding anyway.

Is the reality that there are no fussy eaters, just parents that let their children develop a taste for junk food and allow them to get away with eating nothing but junk food?

You would probably think my DS is treated like this if you didn't know the whole story... but there are good reasons why he eats the way he does and the dietitian is perfectly happy with his levels of nutrition.

Perhaps what you have said is true of some children, but it's also true that some children really do have issues with food. Some might also have undiagnosed intolerances which make them refuse certain foods (for example, if even a very young child has learned by experience that very milky foods make her feel sick or sluggish, it's unfair to expect her to eat cheese sauce).

I feel that making sweeping generalisations about other people's parenting is nearly always a bad idea.

I agree with you OP. My son is one of them!! he's just this minute said to me he wants no dinner (spag bol) as he's not hungry - he then tried to help himself to some shortbread from the cupboard

Not hungry my arse.

But yeah, a lot of kids are "fussy eaters" but you don't get many kids that are so fussy they'd turn down a trip to KFC or Mcdonalds - strange that!

I think you'll find it's more complicated than that.

(I was going to say more, but there really is no point.)

I suppose it's easy to sit on the outside looking in and criticise, but the reality is often much harder than the simple answers other people see straight away.

The other day a friend wiped DDs nose and said "I can't abide seeing snotty noses on children, it's the one thing I can't stand". I thanked them for doing it, they weren't to know that DD suffers with chronic rhinitis due to hayfever and other allergies, so bad that she gets chest infections and sinusitis all the time, which of course means she is a rather snotty child who does get her nose wiped, but it often makes not much difference.

Sometimes you can get so worried about your child not eating you take the easy option and give them that chocolate biscuit. Of course you are deluding yourself if you think only that is a healthy balanced diet, but I don't think it's as easy as saying they could be cured of fussy eating if they weren't offered sweet/junk alternatives.

What a rediculous post. How can you possibly judge? Have you lived in their house with their children?

I have twins. I have always fed them exactly the same things at the same time and applied the same rules with them. One of them was very fussy and the other ate everything that was put in front of him. The fussy one never ate junk and didn't particularly like sweet things.

Not sure how my family fits with yuor smug little theory.

Maybe you are just a crap cook and your friends are being kind by pretending their children are fussy.

Seems to be a western world problem. You dont hear of fussy eaters in many other countries.

Seems to be a western world problem. You dont hear of fussy eaters in many other countries.

OK, I accept that giving your child biscuits, and then wondering why they don't eat their supper, is a bad idea, but please don't denigrate those with genuinely difficult eaters.

My son (now 2.5) has gradually restricted the foods he will eat since he turned 1. I have tried everything, including being tough. When I tried the approach above, he went more than 24 hours without food, before I got scared and caved. I have talked to a number of professionals about it, and their advice is generally, keep giving him things he doesn't like, and ultimately he'll get better, but in the meantime you have to keep him alive. So, yes, I'll always give him a yoghurt and fruit for pudding, even if he doesn't eat anything else. And, by the way, nutritionists recommend that you DON'T follow the no pudding approach, because you reinforce the notion that some foods are "good" and some foods are "bad".

I know other parents look at me and assume I'm soft, but if you think that then you've never lived with the problem of a seriously difficult eater.

How I wish I could take my fussy eater to a Mcdonalds. She won't eat anything there. She won't eat chips, and any sort of chocolate. Often complains that foods smell so I struggle to get her try new things. I am tired of being made to feel like a failure and a bad parent because I have a fussy eater. What the OP described doesn't sound like fussy eating, she should try living with one.

my son would turn down a trip to macdonalds or kfc. he doesnt eat any hot food as a rule, though last week he ate chips! in a cafe. i was thrilled. he ate everything going though up until about 2, then he was ill and didnt eat for a few weeks, and he just never started again really. i dont bribe him with junk or give in to controlling. everyone always says 'he wont starve himself, he'll eat when he's hungry enough'. its very hard and it really is something i hate to see smug buggers preaching about. its indescribably hard to set them up to be hungry. to give them something you know they wont eat, and then when they dont eat you say 'tough, there's nothing else' and then leave them hungry. and if you give them something they dont like along with something they dont, it just doesnt get touched, why would it? now i'm depressed.

I have dreams where I say "well, if you don't eat that you won't get anything else! It's good healthy food!" and my children respond by eating it.

In reality they respond by getting thinner.

Do you really think that if it was that easy, anyone would have a fussy eater? It's like people who say that potty training is easy, you just take them out of nappies and tell them where the toilet is. Or sleeping through the night - that's so simple too, you just don't rock them when they're babies.

I offer ds1 food that he will eat, particularly when we are at someone else's house - because I want him to be happy and sociable rather than being a gibbering wreck curled up in the corner because some rice touched his jumper. In practice this means making him bread and butter with a side order of steamed broccoli because that's what he likes (add a glass of milk and we've covered the food groups nicely!). But that is still bloody annoying when everyone else is eating sweet and sour chicken on rice.

Dh won't eat meat on the bone. Telling him there wasn't anything else wouldn't help. He'd still throw up ...

I often wonder how we'd manage with ration books like they did during and after the war.

I wonder how many genuinely fussy eaters there were then....

Fraid not.

I have non identical twins out of my 3 dc.I have 2 fab eaters(and I do mean fab,we're talking pretty much everything)but one of the twins 7 is fussy.

The twins were weaned out of the same pot which was just about every veg under the sun.I've always restricted shite,sugar,msg etc and I'm ruthless with meals ie fussy boy frequently goes to bed having eaten very little, even though it's food he should like he picks out all manner of things.Basically having tried to cook stuff he likes he either eats it or goes hungry as I refuse to cook shite every night because he likes it.I rarely do puddings as no need or time.Fussy boy does however adore stuff he can't have much of eg chips,some cakes,ring doughnuts,some sweets etc.If I served chips,peas and fishfingers every night he'd eat the lot.

I'm convinced some kids are just hyper sensitive.He hates over salty and has quite a strong sense of smell.He even filtered baby rice when his twin was troughing it down.He gets nervous with non plain foods or foods he doesn't know.I am an adventurous cook so I do feel for him.Also junk food does taste nice and is addictive.Kids generally like things that aren't the best for them because they're nice.

He eats a healthy diet though so I don't worry.The healthy stuff is however only healthy foods he's familiar with ie w/m bread(hates white ,humus,carrots,apples, cheddar(hates cheese string) ,most fruit,carrots,peas and corn being the only veg he'll touch. His fav meals are ffingers,sausages,pizza but he likes my veg lasagna,roasts,home made pizza,sausage casserole,pasta if it's plain tom sauce without a fleck of basil,trout,couscous.....The problems are when I serve adventurous stuff the rest of us love eg curries,strange stews,forrin stuff.

I just ignore it and don't force him.I let him go hungry just picking at the rice.He's a good weight and neither of us get upset.

So sorry I disagree that there are no fussy eaters but I agree to some extent that some parents make a bad situation worse.I also believe in limiting shite with very small children so if they are fussy the familiar foods they'll stick to will be relatively healthy.If kids are weaned on shite they'll want it not just because it's nice but because they're familiar with thus making the whole situation even more of a nightmare.

My sister and sil were very like said twin as kids and are both uber healthy vegetarian eaters now so any mums of fussy kids reading this there is hope.

'Seems to be a western world problem. You dont hear of fussy eaters in many other countries.'

Well no,but who's taking a survey?

"I often wonder how we'd manage with ration books like they did during and after the war."

DS1's favourite foods are bread and all kinds of potatoes. He would have bloody loved rationing as neither of those foods were restricted.

But what about the little darlings who will only eat nuggets TheCrackFox

my ds was a fussy eater ...I would have been delighted if he had eaten McDonalds or KFC

well I ahve 4 dc 2 fussy 2 not so there goes your theory

There are some children who have a crappy diet because they manipulate their parents. I guess these are also the same children who have hundreds of toys they don't play with, watch unlimited tv, go to bed whenever they want to etc. They have crappy parents who indulge their every whims. I guess these are who you are angry with.

But there are also children who have serious issues with food. They may look fussy to outsiders but a lot of the time there is method in their madness. My DS, for example, has issues with texture. Other children have issues with smells, or food combinations. Give these parents a break. Living with a child like this can be hard work.

I think there are genuinely a small number of children who have real issues with food. These are the children who will lose weight rather than eat something they don't want to.

I think there are a larger group of children who genuinely don't like lots of foods and often seem to prefer bland food. My middle son was like this. He would have quite happily lived on noodles. These children will very reluctantly eat other food if the alternative is to starve.

And lastly there are children who manipulate their parents to get the food they want. They remind of the dog owners who have told me that rover won't eat his dog food unless I put fresh chicken on top! These children prefer chips, sweets and fizzy drinks and will emotionally blackmail their parents to get these.

I used to have a fussy eater. He is much better now although still quite underweight. The only things he won't eat now are cold cheese (he has parmesan on pasta and cheese sauce etc. just not a lump of cheese), cake, squash or fizzy drinks, prawns. We don't usually have puddings except high days and holidays but they have yoghurt at breakfast time.

He has never 'hoofed' down anything.

I think Lesley's post sums it up well.

If there is a texture issue (beef mince, or coarse sausages, or liver, or broad beans, or kiwi for eg) then sweets and biscuits generally don't present the same challenges

This is my mild answer

The more exasperated answer isn't quite so measured

HTH

And I think you can have 1 fussy child who is manipulating you and 1 who is a good eater. My brother used to manipulate my mum to sometimes successfully get what he wanted to eat - he used to boast to me about it!

I have always liked healthy food including lots of fruit and veg and I was quite happy to eat the healthy meals my mum gave us. Children can react in different ways to the same parent.