Children who are deemed 'fussy eaters' seem to have no problem hoofing down sugary and fatty foods!

[pingu2209]

I have at least 4 friends whose children are deemed 'fussy eaters'. Whenever they come to play and have a meal with us, the parents/mothers always apologise in advance, during and after at how their children 'eat nothing' and are 'really fussy'.

My house rules are if you don't like something, fine then leave it. However, you don't get a pudding if you don't eat your main meal.

ALL of the so called fussy eaters are given chocolate biscuits or cake or crisps as soon as they get home, then refuse to eat their dinners but their parents allow them a sugary/fatty pudding anyway.

Is the reality that there are no fussy eaters, just parents that let their children develop a taste for junk food and allow them to get away with eating nothing but junk food?

Puds are given in this house but onthey always have nutritional value unless for a specific treat- so fruit crumble, home made sorbet etc. We've been told with ds1 never to make food a bargaining tool as he is very controlling as part of his ASD. He was under 4st at ten, we dont weigh him but he has gone up 4" in his chest this eyar which is amazing, he's a 22" size which means only another 8" and he will fit the smallest size of comp clothing in September.

Notadisney, I've also had visiting children turn down bread - because it wasn't white sliced. I felt sympathetic as I remember the horrors of going to someone else's house and being told it was tomato soup, thinking 'phew, something I can eat' and then realising it was Not Heinz.

maypole if you are so wonderful then come and get my DS1 to eat some fruit without him being sick. Yes, he likes sweet things like yoghurt and ice lollies (NOT fruit ones!) and yes I do give them to him because I'm not going to punish him for obviously feeling so tense and anxious about eating fruit that it makes him sick! They are not the main part of his diet I try very hard to get him to eat a balanced diet and your sanctimonious attitude has pissed me right off!

medical issues, disability and dislike of food which is deemed within a normal range aside ( ie i don't like ham doesn't mean i don't like all meat)

then i am firmly of the opinion that kids will eat and not starve and that mums are quick to lable heir kids fussy eaters adn then chuck sugar in one form or another their way - ie. yoghurt, fruit in some misguided attempt to get their child to eat when if they just left the kid, the kid wouldnt starve. children just don't starve themselves.

i think it should be acknowledged that yes, this is a form of power play and no, this doesn't mean you force feed your child sprouts until it pukes - but there is a sensible middle ground here. if your child has no medical condition and refuses most meals, its probably becuase you are offering something much better (and full of sugar) inbetween times.

kinda like those mums who say that they can't get their child to sleep in their won bed but wont get up to put them back - its common sense imo and more about pandering

Actually, yes, a child will starve themselves to the point of intervention. I was such a child. I didnt eat. I didnt want to. I like wotsits and the white bit of a fried egg, until i was 4.5 years old when i suddenly started to eat anything and everything. My moms HV bod at the time told her not to provide the 2 things i would eat, but to offer my normal meals with the rest of the family only. I ate nothing at all, and drank at all for 3 days, on the fourth i was admitted to hospital unconcious and with my poor mom a nervous wreck.

She gave me whatever i wanted to eat from then on. i wasnt trying to be naughty, i couldnt eat anything else. completely psycological i expect, but i also didnt understand that at that age. i knew i couldnt eat anything other than wotsits or fried egg white. i didnt know why.

FAST forward to my DS. he is a carbon copy of his mother poor thing, hes a bugger to get to eat. my docs told me the same as my moms private docs eventually told her, let him eat whatever he feels he can, always offer him his meal with the rest of the family, but if he doesnt want it, its no big deal. He will come round.

My friends daughter would only eat cooked sausage for breakfast, garlic bread and cheese. My friend was at her wits end and worried about her. She was then diagnosed with sleep apnea. When she was having her tonsils removed the nurse said does she eat a lot of cheese and garlic bread. Becasue their taste if affected some kids only eat strong tasteing foods. Shes fine now and has a much more varied diet.

Sometimes their is a reason why kids only eat certain foods

Babybubs, I have a ds2 just like you. We tried not giving him anything to eat if he didn't want it - he went 4 days without eating a thing. He lost around a kg in weight in that time (he is already at 3.1 yo on the 0.4th centile). Even the dietician now says don't worry about nutritional value - give him things he will eat voluntarily.

I have a ds1 who is the best eater going - will hoover up everything. Eats more than me (though healthy weight for height etc). For him, telling him "there will be nothing till the next meal" worked a treat, ds2 has been in hospital needing an NG tube due to trying "there will be nothing till the next meal". For some children, that is a dangerous strategy.

Pingu I am with you.. have 2 under 3 & older kids regularly visit... yes fussiness is normal but so far I've had...

'he doesn't like water he'll only drink chocolate milk' (3 year old cousin)

'she only eats breadsticks & doesn't like pasta/cooked meals (18 month old) mother had nothing other than breadsticks in her bag... no real food to even attempt to offer'

'cue 5 x 5 year olds on a week long new year break...
day 1 - had to butter raw wheetabix
day 2 - saw 6 year old lose it because Mummy put water in her apple juice
day 3 - went for pub lunch - watched the mummies be mega fussy about food and the girls soak it up'

family of 5 who stayed with us for 2 weeks before emigrating.. their girls aged 3 & 1 were so into albeit 'organic' packet food they barely touched the real stuff. I was so appalled I've binned anything resembling silly snacks

Bottom line is I am lucky my kids like eating and we've taken a hard line early to avoid waste, messing about and food controlling..

Every time I have a play date/ guests/ kids over...
2/3 times it takes 7/10 days to undo the stupid crap the visiting parents instigated/ put up with/ should address...

Went to an all girls private school in London and can confirm the devastating effects institutional anorexia/bulimia has on future generations.

Visited 'C' during her 4 month admission at St John's Wood hospital - she was very weak. At 15 weighed like a 6 year old/ regularly smelt sick in the school loos

Whether they're 3 or 15 children can use food as controlling/ emotional comfort etc. So parents should do everything to:

• lead by good example
• avoid keeping crap in the house (if it's there it'll get eaten)
• seek help early if the early trigger signs of eating disorders are there

From a toddler perspective how parents consider

' x won't eat y' 'x doesn't eat greens' etc comments aren't even somewhat their own doing still amazes me.

quite a few judgemental posts on here so i have only read part of this thread but i have a fussy eater. He is now 13 and will try a few different things but would live on pasta and strawberries given half the chance.

He wont eat any of the junk food that children usually will eat if fussy.
He wouldn't touch a sauage, a chicken nugget or any other processed food product. He doesn't eat chocolate (apart from a milky bar every now and again) and doesn't like icecream of any flavour.For breakfast he only eats weetabix but it has to be plain with no milk or sugar. Lunch at school tends to be a cheese roll or plain pizza slice . His evening meal at home tends to be something pasta based as it is one of the few things he will eat as long as it is not swimming in sauce.

We dont have puddings unless it is christmas or someone is coming for diner
so he has never left the meal and filled up on the pudding. If he wants a snack he will eat fruit but only apples and strawberries.

So YABU as not every fussy child will fill up on crap.

Shrug, it is a bit of a 'First World Problem'.

But the key thing to me, is that it isn't my problem so I don't actually give a fuck what other people feed their kids.

If you come to our house you get what you get, but I don't care whether the kid is a fussy eater or not or whether they eat or not. Their parents can feed them stuff they have brought or they can feed them when they get home.

A great big pile of Not My Problem.

Why do you care OP?

I have been told my 2 year old is faddy, fussy, naughty and generally bad for not eating what people expect him to.

They do not see the daily stress and worry I as his mother go through just to tempt him to eat. He gags and wretches, has absolutely no interest in food of any kind.

If he would attempt all the foods Op says are junk I'd jump for joy and throw a party.

Would the Op like to borrow him, sort him out, then return him to me when he's a good and healthy eater? I probably wouldn't get him back in this decade.

So Op you are BVU to assume all 'fussy eaters' are just that, fussy.

My son is the same, Zummerzetzider. I wouldn't get DS back at all if I sent him off to be cured.

This book is very helpful. It doesn't have any magic ideas, indeed IIRC it takes the piss out of helpful people who suggest the obvious ones because of course you have tried and tried and tried them all.

It's written primarily for children with ASD but I've recommended it to friends who found it very affirming.

custardo - I'm with you
Put stairgate across his bedroom door - once we finished co-sleeping / then independence is key, if he can walk he can get back into his own bed
He goes to bed without dinner if he really seriously messes about/testing to see what we do
Every meal he helps cook in the fun pod/ he grows seeds/ picks out new food to try in the supermarket/ visits the farms one a month where we explain where the food comes from.
Fri night is taste night - we are slowly explaining why mummy or daddy choose not to eat certain foods. That doesn't mean they wouldn't like them....

Thanks ZXE I will order that book. I think DS is probably on the AS, and have an appointment with HV to discuss my concerns (many other little traits)

If fact I think the Op deserves a

Hope it goes well for you Zummer, if that doesn't sound odd. My son was dx at 2.9 and apart from the sleep and eating issues I doubt he would be now, so much has changed for the better.

But I'm glad it was identified as I have a better idea of where he is coming from. And his pre-school teachers, friends, people in general, are more understanding when he does behave in an unusual way. Feel free to PM if you like

There are a small number of children with serious eating problems. To simply label them fussy eaters is to under play the seriousness of the issues.

And there are children who don't like lots of things and seem to prefer bland food. These are the children who only want plain pasta for example. But as parents we need to help them find a healthy diet that they will eat. We do our children no favours if we let them eat an unbalanced diet for years.

But there are IMO lots of children who do use food as a power play and manipulate their parents to get what they want. The parents can struggle to see that this is what is happening.

It reminds me of the supernanny episode of the 6 year old who had a very restricted diet. The mother had been to lots of experts who all said just give her ordinary food and keep giving her this until she eats it. The mother refused saying her child just wouldn't eat.

Supernanny comes in and sorts the problem in a week. BTW I know this child would have been screened for serious food issues.

Someone mentioned children growing up with eating disorders, well I think that's why I let my DD have what she likes rather than sit her with a plate of something she doesn't want to eat - just because I don't want mealtimes to be a battleground.

I KNOW I would get anxious if she didn't eat for three days. I really DON'T want food to be a source of conflict in this house. Therefore I give her what she'll eat so that unlike me she doesn't dread mealtimes (as a child I was genuinely puzzled as to how other children looked forward to Sunday lunch, and incredulous about how Christmas Dinner was viewed - they were both fucking torture to me) in the hope that good sense will prevail when she gets older, as it did in my case, and she will try more things.

She is going on a school trip soon. She will have to try new things or go without. I look forward to finding out what new things she has tried.

Haven't read the whole thread so sorry if I am repeating myself.
I blame school for turning my DD2 into a fussy eater. At home, my DC were weaned predominantly on home cooked food. I used baby food jars and convenience foods only very occasionally. What was served was the only choice, they ate it or they went hungry basically. Very occasionally it was clear they "really" hated something and I would take note and not serve that to that particular child again. Then they went to school and walked into a cafeteria type lunch! 4 years old and suddenly choice was put before them and they learned that they didn't have to eat something if they didn't particularly like it, or simply preferred something else! WTF?!!

Foods DD2 ate happily at age 4 and now, at 16 will not touch

Mushrooms
Tomatoes
Sweetcorn
Pears
Kiwi
Mango
Pineapple
any kind of soft fruit except strawberries but "only" if they are "in" something eg Pavlova
Any type of dried fruit
Many types of cheese
Many types of fish (now will only eat "fish fingers" or white fish fried in batter and only if the alternative is starvation)
Ham

BalloonSlayer - Its fine to give children what they like if they will eat a balanced diet. But what if your child says that they only like chips, chocolate and crisps - surely you don't think then that we should just feed a child these foods.

And actually I do think it is good to encourage children to try new foods. Not necessarily by giving them a whole plate of something new - but a small bit of something new alongside their ordinary meal is surely a good thing to do.

Oh yes, edam, it was awful for my gran. My grandad was a very keen gardener so that helped but sometimes all they had for dinner was whatever veg happened to be ripe at the time which of course my uncle wouldn't eat. She did once pick up his plate of cold food and smoosh it into his face in utter frustration (and she was a woman who rarely lost her temper) but it had no effect.

agree!!!!!! fussy little things I say. I agree there are some with genuine issues but many are spoilt. I am sorry but in the 70s we mainky ate what we were given and we did not see the same leverls of junk food

OP yes I have noticed that.

Kids prefer what is bad for them unfortunately. And if they know by refusing a proper meal they then get what should be treat only food then the parent is just making a problem for themselves.

Ny dts are not keen on meat so I've adapted to giving them good veggie meals so they're happy when I do serve meat 'cause it isn't all the time. But I would never say - you didn't eat that, here have some sh*te to clog your arteries. That is a really unhealthy attitude to eating. Dts (9) know if they don't like something they have the freedom to say so and will happily go eat an orange instead.

OP yes I have noticed that.

Kids prefer what is bad for them unfortunately. And if they know by refusing a proper meal they then get what should be treat only food then the parent is just making a problem for themselves.

Ny dts are not keen on meat so I've adapted to giving them good veggie meals so they're happy when I do serve meat 'cause it isn't all the time. But I would never say - you didn't eat that, here have some sh*te to clog your arteries. That is a really unhealthy attitude to eating. Dts (9) know if they don't like something they have the freedom to say so and will happily go eat an orange instead.