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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think some of the mums at school are really odd?

183 replies

vintageteacups · 24/06/2011 18:32

I've been living in our home town for the past couple of years and previously grew up there (as did DH).

It's a fairly wealthy, snobby town (newcomers are snobby, not locals who have grown up there). I have some okay friends at the school drop offs/pick ups and regularly see them for a cuppaand cake etc.

However, there are a few really odd women, who know my name, DCs names and a fair but about me, yet sometimes, I can walk past them and say "morning, how are you?" and they'll just literally smile/mumble/stare blankly and carry on walking!!

I'm amazed that anyone can be that rude. One lady, who came up and touched me on the arm 2 weeks ago, telling me her dd would love to come to dd's party, actually just walks straight past me and vaguely smiles every other time.

Another woman who usually says hi fairly normally, saw me yesterday, I said "Hi ----, how are you are?" and she did a smile and carried on walking.

Are some people just odd? I would never dream of blanking someone (even a stranger I don't know) in the street if they openly went out of their way to say hi. Weird huh?

OP posts:
Gooseberrybushes · 24/06/2011 23:59

Either they are busy, they are shy, they don't want to talk, they don't like you, they are not very nice or they are odd. They can't all be not very nice and they can't all be odd, by definition. So some are busy, some are shy, some don't want to talk, some don't like you and some are not very nice and maybe one might be odd. Life isn't that complicated.

Gooseberrybushes · 25/06/2011 00:00

Somebody saying hi how are you to everyone they meet on a short path to school would be a bit scary for me.

hairfullofsnakes · 25/06/2011 00:04

Yanbu but there's nowt as queer as folk!

Morloth · 25/06/2011 04:49

I don't do thank you cards and I usually will just nod and smile and continue with my day if I run into someone I vaguely know. I can't be arsed with chatting with everone I run into.

They must have their reasons, you don't have to like it.

MrsKravitz · 25/06/2011 08:09

I dont do thank you cards either. How naff. I dont ppreciate getting them either. Too much time on someone's hands I think.

herecomesthsun · 25/06/2011 08:14

I work full time. DH works very part time and does most of the childcare. I do as much as I can in the morning before I leave, dash dash dash to nursery dash dash dash to work. I could not stop and chat, I say hello to people but I am sure my body language tone etc would imply that I am in a hurry.

joric · 25/06/2011 08:15

ruddynorah "'perfectly polite' can come across as 'very fucking irritating' though."

There's one to give an extra special big 'Hi' to vintageteacups... Kill them with friendliness I say!! :o

ImeldaM · 25/06/2011 08:40

Think your answer may be in your OP, they are snobby

Agree with Gooseberrybushes though, they are not all snobby, some will be shy etc

I always say Hi to people I know, esp if someone directly says
'Hi Imelda, how are you?'
I will either say 'Hi, fine thanks/late!' (being polite, but in rush, not wanting to stop & chat)
or will stop & chat, would never just smile or ignore someone speaking to me

But there will be people who are very shy/shy at times and there will be other occasions when people haven't heard you, for whatever reason but not every time obviously.

I would continue to be friendly, although perhaps just a smile or 'Hi' to the ones who are less friendly/snobby

curtaincall · 25/06/2011 09:12

I saw one of ds' classmates call out 'hi' to little curtain and he ignored him. I just pointed out to ds that his friend might appreciate him just saying 'hi' back, smiling or even nodding to him. Ds said he wasn't a friend. They are 6yr old.

Starts early doesn't it ?

curtaincall · 25/06/2011 09:18

FWIW I just received a thank-you card through the door for a newborn's present. This is the mother's 5th DC. She wanted to let us know how much she appreciated it. Would have completely understood if she's just sent a text or called given she has a household of small children to look after, but she made that extra effort and my DC saw and learnt that too.

oxocube · 25/06/2011 10:09

Imelda, I agree with you. A typical exchange at school would go something like .....

"Hi oxo, how are you?"
"Fine thanks, you? Dashing as always"
Then a smile

Takes seconds, and so what if you do this 10 times on the road to school? Hmm

ledkr · 25/06/2011 10:24

op that sounds exactly like where i live,very strong community lots of us have lived here al our lives,lots of new houses built and the schools are very good so people want to move here but tend to be snobby and stand offish,i can have a long conversation with someone one day and then they pretend not to see me on another,i must admit over the years it has annoyed me but i tend to just stop making an effort with them.Dh notices as well and he tends to be very balanced. I see the same faces every day and we always say hello even if its just rolling our eyes as the dc's drop their bookbag for the 14th time.

ILoveYouToo · 25/06/2011 11:17

I am Shock at what a hard time you've been given on this thread, vintage! YANBU at all to feel a bit Hmm when people blank a friendly greeting.

iMemoo said "I am usually a confident chatty person, I also suffer with crippling anxiety which leaves me barely able to look people in the eye on some days. People probably think I'm really off sometimes."

I am the same; some days I really can't face chatting with people and dread the school run. Most days I drive, so I don't have to chat, and I meet DD part-way home, so I don't have to make conversation in the playground. Blush

I wouldn't dream of blanking someone who spoke to me though; that's just bloody rude!

Original poster
vintageteacups · 25/06/2011 11:31

These people cannot NOT like me; they don't know me enough to not like me. I don't particularly want them to like me; it's not that.

I never actually said it was a short path to school Hmm.

It's a path in the middle of town that doesn't end. So I'm not saying "hi" to everyone. And the saying "hi, how are you?" is just a think people say.

And it's not like I go home and cry! It's just a bit annoying and a bit weird of them.

OP posts:
begonyabampot · 25/06/2011 11:41

maybe your standards are just very high and you expect a lot whereas they are all happy with the status quo. You say that the smile, nod or say hi - don't really see this as completely blanking you - it's just that they are not responding in the way that you think that they should. Same with the Thank You cards, you obviously think that you are more gracious, better brought up, polite than people who don't send them. Perhaps your expectations are just different or 'higher' than the average Joes.

begonyabampot · 25/06/2011 11:43

And, i'm not saying that you don't have a point and that some of these women aren't rather unfriendly but we are just hearing this from your point of view, not how they see it.

worraliberty · 25/06/2011 11:48

It's perfectly possible to not like someone you don't know.

Sometimes just the sight of someone and the way they walk around/talk to their kids, can be enough to irritate the fuck out of people and make them cross the road to avoid them.

I'm not saying this is necessarily the case for you OP...I'm just saying it is possible to dislike someone you don't know.

eurochick · 25/06/2011 11:51

I am not a morning person and hate it when people try to engage with me before I have had my caffeine infusion.

I am always in a rush so you would probably get a smile or mumbled hi from me.

I am not a chatter and tend to avoid people who are.

To put it bluntly, if someone was regularly trying to engage with me first thing in the morning, I would probably change my route to avoid them. Even if I liked them (e.g. I hate it when my husband ends up getting the same train as me in the morning and I feel like I have to chat to him. Thankfully this is rare).

Original poster
vintageteacups · 25/06/2011 11:57

I just don't get the people on here who are saying that they can't actually manage a "hi" in the morning due to tiredness/no caffeine/grumpy etc. How on earth do you safely drive the kids to school if that's the case Hmm?

If you are physically unable to say hello to someone who is just being polite, then you really shouldn't be driving.

It probably takes more facial muscles to smile than it does to say hi so that's a strange excuse.

I give up - people are obviously not all as polite as I hoped they would be.

OP posts:
MrsKravitz · 25/06/2011 11:59

Maybe they just have something else other than you going on in their lives

Gooseberrybushes · 25/06/2011 12:00

vintage - maybe some people are trying to say look mate they don't want to know you - they can manage a hi but they just don't want to

Original poster
vintageteacups · 25/06/2011 12:01

worral if somebody doesn't like me based on having only ever spoken to me to discuss the kids or the way I've walked to school (in a straight line, holding ds' hand whilst he walks on the wall/chatting to the children about their day at school etc Hmm), then they are shallow and basing their 'not liking me' on nothing concrete, then they are the ones with a problem.

Basically, at this school/in the town, people are very clique-y and if they are already in a group of friends, they see no reason to let people infiltarate their little groups (not that I am trying to). Some are the sort of women who will be talking to one minute and then completely ignoring you as soon as someone 'better' comes along.

OP posts:
MrsKravitz · 25/06/2011 12:01

I just read the OP to be sure and you have said people smile and mumble....surely thats akin to a polite nod. They just dont want to talk. So what?

Original poster
vintageteacups · 25/06/2011 12:03

How on earth is me saying "hi" to someone saying "hi, I really want to get to know you and have coffee and go shopping and have your kids over to play?"

Once again, I don't really know why I posted on AIBU. I actually know I'm not being unreasonable Wink. I'm being normal and these women are being just plain rude.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 25/06/2011 12:04

If they totally blanked you, then I would say that's very rude.

But a smile and a nod is not rude at all.

Anyway, "Hi, how are you?" is irritatingly false when you don't really know these people. It's not like you really care how they are or really want to know.

Imagine if every single one of them stopped to list their ailments and tell you how they actually are? You'd never get anywhere on time Grin

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