to think some of the mums at school are really odd?

[vintageteacups]

I've been living in our home town for the past couple of years and previously grew up there (as did DH).

It's a fairly wealthy, snobby town (newcomers are snobby, not locals who have grown up there). I have some okay friends at the school drop offs/pick ups and regularly see them for a cuppaand cake etc.

However, there are a few really odd women, who know my name, DCs names and a fair but about me, yet sometimes, I can walk past them and say "morning, how are you?" and they'll just literally smile/mumble/stare blankly and carry on walking!!

I'm amazed that anyone can be that rude. One lady, who came up and touched me on the arm 2 weeks ago, telling me her dd would love to come to dd's party, actually just walks straight past me and vaguely smiles every other time.

Another woman who usually says hi fairly normally, saw me yesterday, I said "Hi ----, how are you are?" and she did a smile and carried on walking.

Are some people just odd? I would never dream of blanking someone (even a stranger I don't know) in the street if they openly went out of their way to say hi. Weird huh?

[quirrelquarrel]

Oh gosh, I do this quite a bit. When people say hello, I might try and beam at them, but it probably doesn't come across as great...I'm sort of daydreaming all the time, though, so don't get involved in much, esp. stuff which can lead to (horror) small talk.

[MrsKravitz]

Right. So now rather than offering an opinion, people who disagree are "doing it just to rile the OP".

[openerofjars]

Other mum (internal monologue): "...did I post that letter or is it still on the dining table? Shit, I think I forgot to sign it before I posted it. Is it sports day tomorrow or is that next week? Did I feed the goldfish this morning? That email from Sandra was a bit worrying: I need to see her about that as soon as I get in. Am I pregnant or is it just PMS? Mum's birthday dinner: is it Auntie Alison with the nut allergy, or is it someone else. Why is DS being so bloody annoying this week? I need to remind DH about that dentist appointment. Shit, I think my period just started. I wonder where my glasses are. Who's that walking up the path towards me, dunno, too fuzzy without specs at this distance, okay, do non-commital reasonably friendly face & mumble vague greeting. Oh, I think it's what's her face from school. Oh well, next time. Where are my glasses? No, that is definitely my period. How does it know to start when I've got white pants on? Have we got any cauliflower in the fridge for dinner and if not, what are the alternatives..."

You: "The bitch blanked me!"

[vintageteacups]

open what for 2 yrs with a few exceptions?

There is one lovely lady who I reckon is in a world of her own and is always late for school etc. Sometimes, I'll say hi if i think she's looking and she'll reply in a 'oh gosh, sorry I'm day dreaming' type way. Then other times we'll sit together at swimming and have a good old chat so I know that she's just generally daydreaming and only just making it back from work in time to collect kids.

mrskravitz I wasn't meaning that on this thread people who disagreed were trying to rile me; just that by being quite unneccesarily rude in their replies, make it seem as if they would reply that way even if they really agreed with the OP.

I do understand what people are saying about how some people may be in the mornings. So that's it really.

In conclusion, I now know that I shouldn't take it personally (or perhaps I sometimes should) when people are downright rude and don't make the tiniest of effort to say hi.

[Chummybud1]

I live in a place like this too, people talk one day and not the next, I used to get so upset, now I say hello, if I get reply fine, if they stop for chat fine if they don't fine. They will never be proper friends so what does it matter, I don't think it's ignorance more just thoughtlessness.

[openerofjars]

That's not a conclusion! Oh well.

If I were you, and clearly I'm not, as otherwise this would be an insane conversation, would just shrug and reflect that this is just the way things are. And carry on with my day. "Give me the wisdom to accept that which I cannot change", etc.

At least you made the effort.

[eurochick]

I didn't say I drive in the mornings. I don't. I walk as much as possible.

In any case, you use a different part of your brain. I can drive or email complex advice to clients, deal with whatever I need to, but hate it when someone wants me to talk before about 11am.

[SloganLogan]

Me too! Not a morning person.

"hate it when someone wants me to talk before about 11am"

[AngryBeaver]

Agree with worral...they have acknowleged you! A smile, a hello...i do this everyday whilst rushing past after dropping dd,to get ds1 to nursery and ds 2 to bed!
Everyone thinks I'm a bitch for not stopping for a chat??

[CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes]

The way I see it is, everyone has their own shit to deal with. So if someone doesn't talk in the mornings or seems in a bad mood, that's their problem. I just say a chirpy "hello" to people that I know that walk past me. Over time, I've weeded out those that are genuinely rude or ignorant and just don't bother with them now. Life is too short to fret over being friends with everyone.

In all honesty I don't really want conversations first thing in the morning, I'd rather make sure DD2 is in school in time, then get home to sort DS out.

OP, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but could it be that you're making too much effort and coming across as a bit needy?

[diabolo]

There's a fine line here I think. I'm not the friendliest mum (if you knew some of the other Mums, you would understand why).

In November, me and a few of the other Mums took out the Mum of a new boy to the class (let's call her Jane), for dinner to a nice restaurant, to say hello and introduce ourselves (they do this sort of thing for all newcomers). We paid for her meal and (I thought) had a decent, friendly time.

This Jane person now totally ignores me and most of the others who took her out and when I pressed the matter once, asking "how is your DS getting on?" she looked at me blankly and said "Sorry, do I know you?" and then walked off!

Why do you pretend not to know someone who took you out for dinner and bloody paid for it? And surely no-one is that ditzy that it can be genuine?

[begonyabampot]

Jane is obviously just a loon , unless you were freaky mares at the meal and totally scared her off!

[diabolo]

begonyabampot -

I'm going for the "loon" option!

[SarahLundsredJumper]

I personally dont tend to say "Hi how are you " and then keep walking.
Most odd !
"Morning" or "Hi" or a smile -yes.

[vintageteacups]

callmebubbles
"OP, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but could it be that you're making too much effort and coming across as a bit needy?"

Can you explain how saying "hi" to someone when walking past could ever be called 'needy'?

[MerylStrop]

I think a smile and a mumble is an entirely appropriate response to someone breezing past. I doesn't sound like you are hanging around for an answer. If you want to have a conversation your manner might need to be different?

[shesparkles]

I work shifts, either finishing at 3am or a nightshift finishing at 7am.
When my kids were younger and I had to take them to school in the morning, it was all I could do to stay vertical due to lack of sleep, never mind engage in anything remotely social-and yes, returning a smile at that stage of knackeredness is too much to ask!
Now I just kick the kids out of the front door at the appropriate time and don't have to interact with anyone

[CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes]

I didn't mean to offend you, Vintage.

You haven't said though that you're just saying "Hi", you've said that you start asking them all how they are etc. Perhaps if you are saying it to everyone with a massive smile on your face it makes you look a bit needy, I don't know. You have posted on here asking for opinions and reasons why the mums ignore you and I was just throwing a possibility into the mix for you to consider as you clearly seem to want to have an answer.

[vintageteacups]

You haven't offended me - just made me wonder what you think I'm doing?!

Look, as I see someone I know, I say "hi" and if it's someone I've not seen for a while, I might say "hi, how are you?" They say "hi, I'm fine thanks, you?" I say something like "good thanks".

This is what many people do everyday. It's called being poilte/friendly.

It's not just me; people say "hi Vintage, how are you?" to me. I reply, "fine thanks" etc.

It's not rocket science and I actually think the people who have made me out to be strange/odd in saying hi may be the ones who don't have good social skills or are rude.

[SarahLundsredJumper]

I dont think anyone would question that its polite to say "Hi"- a smile etc back is an acknowledgement .
However you clearly stated that you ask people how they are and walk off!
Social skills are not just about talking to people .Sometimes knowing when to keep it brief or not say anything at all is just as important - I think you have misjudged this a bit.

[CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes]

Vintage, I think your snappy, defensive reply to me is unfair, and it's unkind of you to make an assumption that I and others that have offered constructive suggestions to answer your question don't have good social skills or are rude.

Perhaps if you come across in real life as you have just done in your post to me, people ignore you because they don't want to speak to you or find your passive aggressive.

[CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes]

Find you passive aggressive

[vintageteacups]

callmebubbles i didn't mean for my post to sound snappy and it wasn't specifically directed at you.

And the way my posts may have come across isn't how I meant for them to. MN is so frustrating sometimes as you really can't imply the proper meaning for something through typed text.

Have none of you ever come across anyone who "hi, you alright?" but not actually stopped for a reply? It is common in many places in the UK for someone to say :

"hi, how are you?"
"Fine thanks, how are you?"
"Fine thanks".

Bu tthen do all that as you're passing; not to actually stop and have a conversation.

[SloganLogan]

Not unusual, but that doesn't mean it's a good thing. It forces the other person to say "fine thanks" because you're obviously walking past quickly and clearly don't value them enough to really want to know how they are. Best just to smile and say a friendly hello IMO.

"I might say "hi, how are you?" They say "hi, I'm fine thanks, you?" I say something like "good thanks"."

[SarahLundsredJumper]

I think you have amply illustrated why you might have difficulties communicating with others -on this thread OP.
I have not come across an aqaintance who asks me how I am and then walks off- it seems insincere at best/rude at worst.
I think that it is usual to ask how someone is and wait for a reply so perhaps not what would be expected in the morning rush and also usual to acknowledge acqaintances with a smile,nod,Hi as you go past-perfectly reasonable .