to think some of the mums at school are really odd?

[vintageteacups]

I've been living in our home town for the past couple of years and previously grew up there (as did DH).

It's a fairly wealthy, snobby town (newcomers are snobby, not locals who have grown up there). I have some okay friends at the school drop offs/pick ups and regularly see them for a cuppaand cake etc.

However, there are a few really odd women, who know my name, DCs names and a fair but about me, yet sometimes, I can walk past them and say "morning, how are you?" and they'll just literally smile/mumble/stare blankly and carry on walking!!

I'm amazed that anyone can be that rude. One lady, who came up and touched me on the arm 2 weeks ago, telling me her dd would love to come to dd's party, actually just walks straight past me and vaguely smiles every other time.

Another woman who usually says hi fairly normally, saw me yesterday, I said "Hi ----, how are you are?" and she did a smile and carried on walking.

Are some people just odd? I would never dream of blanking someone (even a stranger I don't know) in the street if they openly went out of their way to say hi. Weird huh?

[begonyabampot]

"newcomers are snobby, not locals who have grown up there"...

Oh, I seemed to have missed that in all the confusion, definitely not a good start - maybe these 'snobby' ladies know how they are viewed and welcomed.

[merryberry]

OP, about the OP. That's positively gushing for where I live.
And peopel have the right to go about their lives without interruption, as much as we all love a nice cozy feeling.

[SarahLundsredJumper]

Snort

[harpfairy]

Lots of people are like this. openerofjars's post is a brilliant illustration of why. They are busy, don't always remember names/faces.

"newcomers are snobby, not locals who have grown up there"... Yes, I usually find people are easily pidgeonholed like this depending on where they happen to have grown up/live

[Omigawd]

"I'll just smile and carry on walking, whilst thinking to myself that they are deaf or mega shy."

Or rude cunts :o

[vintageteacups]

well - even though I was a bit but some of the posts on here, which implyed I was the one who was weird, I've decided I'm not going to worry about it anymore.

From tomorrow, when someone who obviously knows who I am and who can manage to be very kind and polite one minute and then blank me the next, ignores me when I say "Hi" or "morning", I'll just smile and carry on walking, whilst thinking to myself that they are deaf or mega shy.

[Omigawd]

YANBU - School gate mafias are a fact of life, the frantic scrabble for getting the "raight" friends for little Tarquin is a study in obsession.

Just act normal, don't suck up and other "normal" mums will find you.

[Fluffycloudland77]

Omg I do this cos I'm really shy and the word hello just gets stuck! Mostly I come accross as confident, even too confident when it's just me and dh.

[SarahLundsredJumper]

I think you have amply illustrated why you might have difficulties communicating with others -on this thread OP.
I have not come across an aqaintance who asks me how I am and then walks off- it seems insincere at best/rude at worst.
I think that it is usual to ask how someone is and wait for a reply so perhaps not what would be expected in the morning rush and also usual to acknowledge acqaintances with a smile,nod,Hi as you go past-perfectly reasonable .

[SloganLogan]

Not unusual, but that doesn't mean it's a good thing. It forces the other person to say "fine thanks" because you're obviously walking past quickly and clearly don't value them enough to really want to know how they are. Best just to smile and say a friendly hello IMO.

"I might say "hi, how are you?" They say "hi, I'm fine thanks, you?" I say something like "good thanks"."

[vintageteacups]

callmebubbles i didn't mean for my post to sound snappy and it wasn't specifically directed at you.

And the way my posts may have come across isn't how I meant for them to. MN is so frustrating sometimes as you really can't imply the proper meaning for something through typed text.

Have none of you ever come across anyone who "hi, you alright?" but not actually stopped for a reply? It is common in many places in the UK for someone to say :

"hi, how are you?"
"Fine thanks, how are you?"
"Fine thanks".

Bu tthen do all that as you're passing; not to actually stop and have a conversation.

[CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes]

Find you passive aggressive

[CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes]

Vintage, I think your snappy, defensive reply to me is unfair, and it's unkind of you to make an assumption that I and others that have offered constructive suggestions to answer your question don't have good social skills or are rude.

Perhaps if you come across in real life as you have just done in your post to me, people ignore you because they don't want to speak to you or find your passive aggressive.

[SarahLundsredJumper]

I dont think anyone would question that its polite to say "Hi"- a smile etc back is an acknowledgement .
However you clearly stated that you ask people how they are and walk off!
Social skills are not just about talking to people .Sometimes knowing when to keep it brief or not say anything at all is just as important - I think you have misjudged this a bit.

[vintageteacups]

You haven't offended me - just made me wonder what you think I'm doing?!

Look, as I see someone I know, I say "hi" and if it's someone I've not seen for a while, I might say "hi, how are you?" They say "hi, I'm fine thanks, you?" I say something like "good thanks".

This is what many people do everyday. It's called being poilte/friendly.

It's not just me; people say "hi Vintage, how are you?" to me. I reply, "fine thanks" etc.

It's not rocket science and I actually think the people who have made me out to be strange/odd in saying hi may be the ones who don't have good social skills or are rude.

[CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes]

I didn't mean to offend you, Vintage.

You haven't said though that you're just saying "Hi", you've said that you start asking them all how they are etc. Perhaps if you are saying it to everyone with a massive smile on your face it makes you look a bit needy, I don't know. You have posted on here asking for opinions and reasons why the mums ignore you and I was just throwing a possibility into the mix for you to consider as you clearly seem to want to have an answer.

[shesparkles]

I work shifts, either finishing at 3am or a nightshift finishing at 7am.
When my kids were younger and I had to take them to school in the morning, it was all I could do to stay vertical due to lack of sleep, never mind engage in anything remotely social-and yes, returning a smile at that stage of knackeredness is too much to ask!
Now I just kick the kids out of the front door at the appropriate time and don't have to interact with anyone

[MerylStrop]

I think a smile and a mumble is an entirely appropriate response to someone breezing past. I doesn't sound like you are hanging around for an answer. If you want to have a conversation your manner might need to be different?

[vintageteacups]

callmebubbles
"OP, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but could it be that you're making too much effort and coming across as a bit needy?"

Can you explain how saying "hi" to someone when walking past could ever be called 'needy'?

[SarahLundsredJumper]

I personally dont tend to say "Hi how are you " and then keep walking.
Most odd !
"Morning" or "Hi" or a smile -yes.

[diabolo]

begonyabampot -

I'm going for the "loon" option!

[begonyabampot]

Jane is obviously just a loon , unless you were freaky mares at the meal and totally scared her off!

[diabolo]

There's a fine line here I think. I'm not the friendliest mum (if you knew some of the other Mums, you would understand why).

In November, me and a few of the other Mums took out the Mum of a new boy to the class (let's call her Jane), for dinner to a nice restaurant, to say hello and introduce ourselves (they do this sort of thing for all newcomers). We paid for her meal and (I thought) had a decent, friendly time.

This Jane person now totally ignores me and most of the others who took her out and when I pressed the matter once, asking "how is your DS getting on?" she looked at me blankly and said "Sorry, do I know you?" and then walked off!

Why do you pretend not to know someone who took you out for dinner and bloody paid for it? And surely no-one is that ditzy that it can be genuine?

[CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes]

The way I see it is, everyone has their own shit to deal with. So if someone doesn't talk in the mornings or seems in a bad mood, that's their problem. I just say a chirpy "hello" to people that I know that walk past me. Over time, I've weeded out those that are genuinely rude or ignorant and just don't bother with them now. Life is too short to fret over being friends with everyone.

In all honesty I don't really want conversations first thing in the morning, I'd rather make sure DD2 is in school in time, then get home to sort DS out.

OP, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but could it be that you're making too much effort and coming across as a bit needy?

[AngryBeaver]

Agree with worral...they have acknowleged you! A smile, a hello...i do this everyday whilst rushing past after dropping dd,to get ds1 to nursery and ds 2 to bed!
Everyone thinks I'm a bitch for not stopping for a chat??