to think some of the mums at school are really odd?

[vintageteacups]

I've been living in our home town for the past couple of years and previously grew up there (as did DH).

It's a fairly wealthy, snobby town (newcomers are snobby, not locals who have grown up there). I have some okay friends at the school drop offs/pick ups and regularly see them for a cuppaand cake etc.

However, there are a few really odd women, who know my name, DCs names and a fair but about me, yet sometimes, I can walk past them and say "morning, how are you?" and they'll just literally smile/mumble/stare blankly and carry on walking!!

I'm amazed that anyone can be that rude. One lady, who came up and touched me on the arm 2 weeks ago, telling me her dd would love to come to dd's party, actually just walks straight past me and vaguely smiles every other time.

Another woman who usually says hi fairly normally, saw me yesterday, I said "Hi ----, how are you are?" and she did a smile and carried on walking.

Are some people just odd? I would never dream of blanking someone (even a stranger I don't know) in the street if they openly went out of their way to say hi. Weird huh?

[Gooseberrybushes]

oh yes like we decided - they are the ones with the problem

your talk of not caring and not wanting to be friends looks like a brave facade

I think you are trying to get everyone to say they're snobby and horrible because if they aren't - that means they just don't want to know

[MrsKravitz]

I have a nodding acquaintance with some of the mums from school. I wouldnt really want to stop and talk to them either. I'll say hi and smile but walk by. I have things to do and am not very good at breaking off and tend to waste time .

[worraliberty]

I must agree, I don't know why you posted here either if you just want agreement.

You do sound particularly needy. I hope things are better for you in your new place and the people reach your expectations.

[vintageteacups]

Exactly like me mrskravitz. I honestly don't want to stop and chat/make friends with them etc; but just being polite to someone in the street is normal in all of the places I've lived.

Are you actually telling me that if an elderly lady (you didn't know) said hello in the street, you wouldn't say hello? How very rude!!!

[MrsKravitz]

But you said in your OP that they smiled and mumbled

[vintageteacups]

I'm not at all needy! I'm the opposite of needy.

I'm a forces wife who can quite easily live on her own with the kids for 6 months at a time and where all of the wives are perfectly lovely to each other.

[begonyabampot]

but Vintage - would anything they do be 'enough' for you? You are starting to sound high maintenance. I see little groups in the school yard (we were new to the school). You sometimes think they are all so friendly and cliquey and you can be the outsider but often it's not always the case and you only think that as you are on your own. Remember starting up a baby playgroup through the internet. We all met for the fist time at a mall for coffee. Bet we all looked like a right cliquey group instead of a group of mums all nervously meeting for the first times. You sometimes have to step back and stop being so paranoid. You seem to think you are so polite. friendly etc and everyone else is - well the opposite. You are probably over thinking everything and if not then you are lucky not to be part of the group if they aren't very nice.

[MrsKravitz]

Another woman who usually says hi fairly normally, saw me yesterday, I said "Hi ----, how are you are?" and she did a smile and carried on walking.

seriously

whats wrong with that?

[vintageteacups]

I don't people to say "hi" to me; it's just being polite if someone else says "hi" to you.

[K999]

A mum said hi to me yesterday at the school.

I said "fuck off, I don't have time to chit chat"

[worraliberty]

No, really. I can only go on this thread alone as I've never seen you post before...but you do sound incredibly needy.

If (and I do stress IF) you come across as that way to other people, they probably will avoid you.

[vintageteacups]

should have said "I don't want people......"

[Gooseberrybushes]

vintage - another thing is that when you are a forces wife and moving around a lot you have acquired a different way of being with people you don't know

most people take time, people who move around a lot don't have time so they are happier to get friendly more quickly

people who think you are going to move away might not be interested in getting to know you

i just don't think they're rude, snobby or odd and I don't understand why you are maintaining so enthusiastically that they are

people have given their opinions quite honestly and if you just want everyone to say they're horrible I think you'll be disappointed

[cheesesarnie]

maybe they just dont like you?

[Gooseberrybushes]

i'm afraid vintage thinks that's impossible cheese

[MrsKravitz]

Once I had to rush to school before getting a chance to brush my teeth. No WAY was i giving anyone a broad smile that day.

Everyone probably thought i was a right snobby cow

[vintageteacups]

Oh FGS.

Are you honestly saying that as you rush past someone and they say hi because they know you, you completely ignore them and just gaze at them?


I have plenty of friends at the school who I spend time with and who are friends and others who I know and we just say hi in passing. Then there are those where we know each other who are just plain rude and don't say hi back.

I don't want to chat to them/make friends with them/have coffee with them - I'm just being polite as I walk past and say hi.

And for those who don't know, it's a socially accepted phrase to say "Hi, how are you?" but then not actually wait for any answer.

Blimey you lot - where are your interpersonal skills?

[Gooseberrybushes]

Oh my goodness

brick wall or what

[Gooseberrybushes]

I've never even met you and I think you're coming over a little too - er - persistent.

[vintageteacups]

Okay - I'll never post on AIBU again. I don't know why I put myself through it .

[vintageteacups]

I'm agreeing to disagree.

[worraliberty]

I think I have a fair idea of what the 'mumblers' are mumbling now

[begonyabampot]

thing is as well, we have moved several times and kids have moved schools and I think it makes you open to people and you have to learn to make more effort and put yourself out there - easy when you are all in same boat and looking to make friends before you move on again. This also means you might open out to other new people to make them feel welcome as you know what it's like to be new. In my kids current school many of them were born there, went to that school with the other mothers etc and have some history. When i arrived i just don't think they thought what it must be like to be new etc - most of them probably didn't even notice me. They weren't particularly friendly but they weren't trying to be unfriendly either - just getting on with their normal routine.

[vintageteacups]

So are all the parents who do say hi/ask me how I am etc, being....err... too persistant?

[vintageteacups]

Begony - I'm not saying I'm trying to infiltrate their lives with my friendship; just a quick hello on passing. Why is it so hard to see what I'm illustrating?

I think many people come on AIBU just to annoy the OP and see how much they can rile them. (I don't mean you begony).