to think some of the mums at school are really odd?

[vintageteacups]

I've been living in our home town for the past couple of years and previously grew up there (as did DH).

It's a fairly wealthy, snobby town (newcomers are snobby, not locals who have grown up there). I have some okay friends at the school drop offs/pick ups and regularly see them for a cuppaand cake etc.

However, there are a few really odd women, who know my name, DCs names and a fair but about me, yet sometimes, I can walk past them and say "morning, how are you?" and they'll just literally smile/mumble/stare blankly and carry on walking!!

I'm amazed that anyone can be that rude. One lady, who came up and touched me on the arm 2 weeks ago, telling me her dd would love to come to dd's party, actually just walks straight past me and vaguely smiles every other time.

Another woman who usually says hi fairly normally, saw me yesterday, I said "Hi ----, how are you are?" and she did a smile and carried on walking.

Are some people just odd? I would never dream of blanking someone (even a stranger I don't know) in the street if they openly went out of their way to say hi. Weird huh?

[SaryLiz]

Vintage - do we live in the same town? Sounds very much like some of the mums at my dd's school. I have had long conversations with some of them but they blank me in the street - weird. We are moving away from here in approx 6 weeks - been quite happy for 14 years but more recently I just find people very self absorbed.

[oxocube]

Vintage, I'm with you on this. Its 'normal' in my world at least to smile and say hi to people you know. Neither of you have to engage in prolonged conversation, you don't have to become best friends but isn't it just good manners to say a quick hello and be pleasant? Or do I live in a parallel universe?

[vintageteacups]

That's what I thought oxo.

saryliz not sure - without outing where I live! There's a private school here if that helps?

[joric]

Or, yes - some mums may be v shy- I am now good friends with someone who barely looked at me for ages ( a couple of years) we have very very slowly got to know each other - I always smiled and said hi and got little response but i gradually got to know her- I know she didn't mean to be rude and glad I didn't give up on her... It's hard to tell....!

[vintageteacups]

joric I do like your old town though - although some of the boutique shop ladies make me feel like Julia Roberts in that clothes shop shge walks into . Off shopping there and for lunch next week - lovely!

[joric]

Hmmm curious!! St* by any chance?

[vintageteacups]

nope - can't guess what st* is. Not sure where we're having lunch yet.

[vintageteacups]

Oh - you mean where I live Joric?

[begonyabampot]

well i don't send thank you cards but would usually say hello and smile (though brought up in Glasgow where it's mandatory to chat to complete strangers at bus stops etc) so where does that leave me?

[vintageteacups]

I was just 'always brought up' to write/phone to say thank you for birthday/xmas gifts.

[joric]

Yes, sorry being nosey! I love it there but I TOTALLY get your OP!! It'll make you feel better to know some of the women are the same in the village I live in now- just rude! Say hi to the soup kitchen for me!! :)

[K999]

I phone to say thank you. Its quicker and cheaper......

[SloganLogan]

I can sometimes be vague/distracted, smile but can't think of anything to say (smiles will not be huge as I just can't do fake smiles), or mumble with embarrassment while desperately trying to think of an interesting/suitable comment. At other times I feel more confident or sociable. It's all down to shyness - and I do try hard to overcome it.

[SaryLiz]

Vintage - probably not then - but close by. We are decidedly in home counties commuter belt at the mo. I think it is just the way people are.

[Quattrocento]

You're paranoid, really. Perhaps they had somewhere to go and therefore something better to do with their time and simply did not have time to engage in idle chit chat?

I am the queen of apologetic semaphore though - waggling hands that mean "I am late for work/tennis practice/cathedral run". Perhaps you could arrange for these cliquey mums to have semaphore lessons?

[vintageteacups]

Is saying "hi" to someone now classed as idle chit chat ?

[K999]

It depends. If you're both in a hurry and rushing past eachnother then no.

If you say hi, whilst looking like you wish the other person to stop, say hi and strike up a conversation, then yes.

[vintageteacups]

And if someone was rushing etc, I'd just call "okay, see you later etc".

[ruddynorah]

so you pass someone and say hi. fine. you pass someone and say how are you... that's at least 3 footsteps time away each so you're 6 steps apart by the end of that question. then what? you shout fine thanks how are you? by which time you're about 20 steps apart and you just missed another 4 people during that exchange of IDLE CHIT CHAT.

[floosiemcwoosie]

I put down the lack of smiling mothers at my school :-

too much botox
face lift
nose too high in the air

[vintageteacups]

ruddynorah I'm so perfectly polite that I see them coming from a good way off and can squeeze in my "hi, how are you?" before they even reach me and they can then reply as they're walking past . I never knew until now, that the morning school greetings were such a science

[moonface73]

I wish I lived where mumble lives - I'd love to have celebs on the school run!

[ruddynorah]

'perfectly polite' can come across as 'very fucking irritating' though.

[SloganLogan]

Why ask "how are you?" if you don't want to wait for an answer? Why not just say hi?

[TheKidsAreAllWrong]

It's an actual psychological test to give people this scenario:

You see an acquaintance approaching you further down the street and greet them but they don't acknowledge you. What would you think?