to think some of the mums at school are really odd?

[vintageteacups]

I've been living in our home town for the past couple of years and previously grew up there (as did DH).

It's a fairly wealthy, snobby town (newcomers are snobby, not locals who have grown up there). I have some okay friends at the school drop offs/pick ups and regularly see them for a cuppaand cake etc.

However, there are a few really odd women, who know my name, DCs names and a fair but about me, yet sometimes, I can walk past them and say "morning, how are you?" and they'll just literally smile/mumble/stare blankly and carry on walking!!

I'm amazed that anyone can be that rude. One lady, who came up and touched me on the arm 2 weeks ago, telling me her dd would love to come to dd's party, actually just walks straight past me and vaguely smiles every other time.

Another woman who usually says hi fairly normally, saw me yesterday, I said "Hi ----, how are you are?" and she did a smile and carried on walking.

Are some people just odd? I would never dream of blanking someone (even a stranger I don't know) in the street if they openly went out of their way to say hi. Weird huh?

[vintageteacups]

Do you know me Joric? fairly near to that place but no, not actually there But that kind of rural snobbery prevails where I live.

[ruddynorah]

Well you're saying hi how are you which normally means hi I'd like to make small talk. A silent smile back at you means, no.

[vintageteacups]

Or b) ruddynora, like many other parents do, they could say "Hi, fine thanks "

[BrawToken]

People who announce 'I was brought up to...' annoy the shit out of me. You are a grown woman and should know that just because it was your upbringing, that doesn't make it someone else's.

[vintageteacups]

- perhaps the people who don't think not saying hello to someone they know, are also the people who don't write thank you cards for party gifts .

[ruddynorah]

Because by that point you'd have both reached the opposite ends of the path. Hi or smile as you pass, yes. Further chit chat only when specifically required or for actual friends at the gate etc.

If I said hi how are you to every mum I vaguely knew in the path to school it would take me an hour to get gone.

[vintageteacups]

brawtoken what do you think children are taught at school? To ignore people? No - to be polite. Imagine if the teacher said hello to a child in the corridor - if the child ignored the teacher, they would be told it is impolite to ignore someone who says hello to you.

It's standard manners for goodness sakes.

[ruddynorah]

The two ate not comparable. I don't send postcards to everyone I know every time I go somewhere. Better example.

[vintageteacups]

It's not a huge school - only 24 ish kids in a class.

[bibbitybobbityhat]

I probably know the names of about 100 mums and dads on my school run, and have spoken to them all at some social event or other. But if I stopped to have a chat with them ALL every day then my dc would never get to school and I'd never get home. A smile, a hello, a look in the eye is perfectly acceptable unless you have something specific to say, imvho.

[ruddynorah]

Ours isn't huge either.28 in class, 5 year groups.

[vintageteacups]

You don't get all the parents you know en masse walking past each other.

I give up - I'll ignore them for the last few weeks of term and when their kids come to the party, I'll hide the cakes !

[ruddynorah]

Then they'll think you're even more weird.

[BrawToken]

My point was not about how you were schooled, but about how you were brought up. Two seperate things. Anyway, a tangent. Hope the school Mums behave better next week.

[iMemoo]

I am usually a confident chatty person, I also suffer with crippling anxiety which leaves me barely able to look people in the eye on some days. People probably think I'm really off sometimes.

[Joolyjoolyjoo]

OP , I'm with you- it takes no time to say a cheery "oh, Hi!" as you barrell past (late again) I often even accompany it with a smile and a brief momnet of eye contact. It really isn't some kind of huge effort! I'm quite shocked at all the dour folk out there who can't acknowledge a friendly hello

Move to Glasgow!

[vintageteacups]

iMemoo perhaps one of the ladies suffers like you do. Your post has made me feel that maybe that's what it is. When she does speak, she does seem very nice - perhaps she's mega shy.

I have never said anything to anyone there to annoy them and make them ignore me btw.

[vintageteacups]

Glad I'm not completely on my own jooly then!

[K999]

I have never sent a thank you card in my life for various reasons

(a) I say thank you when I receive a gift
(b) I don't have time to write cards for everything I, DCs etc receive
(c) where do you draw the line?

Example - I receive a present. I send thank you card. They send one back saying thank you for the thank you card. I send one back saying thank you for having said thank you for the thank you card........and by which time I have turned 80.....

[DrNortherner]

OP I know exactly where you are coming from! In fact, at my ds's school I got sixk of being the one saying Hi/morning/how are you to the others I wondered what would happen if I stopped instigating conversation. Guess what? Most of them never acknowledge me. I don't care anymore, there are a handful I do bother with as they genuinely talk back, the others I couldn't give a toss about.
However, I know at least 1 of them tells other Mums I never speak to her......I must have not heard her say morning to me I guess

[hmc]

I'm not good in the mornings - at home I shout at dh, the dogs and dc and am generally the proverbial bear with sore head. I'd rather not chat first thing in the morning. I do smile, acknowledge and say 'hello' though. Am far more sociable come 3.15 when I've warmed up a bit. I am a bit odd tbh!

[philadelphiacheesecake]

Sometimes I have other things on my mind and can absent mindedly ignore people I think - it is definitely not deliberate

[joric]

OP! I grew up there but don't live there now! No , your post just made me think about my own childhood and the Market town bit made me curious! I saw a lot of what you're describing between mums- it's a snobbery- a kind of 'I'll only bother with you if I think you are worth bothering about' - if you're well connected etc. Keep smiling and saying hi whenever you see them, be busy and throwaway about it all, Even when they give you a half smile don't show them that you've noticed and say hi again the next day. This is not to become their friend- it's to keep your own councel even if they are a load of sour grapes.

[WhipMeIndiana]

sometimes people don't hear, or are blinded by sunlight - this has happened to me and Ive just smiled mysteriously and pegged it off with the buggy

[vintageteacups]

K999 - of course I'd give a thank you card if the child hasn't opened the gift there and then when they're there. It's just simple politeness, as is saying hello.