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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask when you started to want baby number 2?

93 replies

SharkSkinThing · 23/06/2011 19:21

DS is 11 months old. Happy, healthy, sunny little boy.

But it's been bloody hard work, as he was never a great sleeper, and it's taken up until now to get him to sleep longer than 3 hours at night/not wake up at 4am/nap for more than 20 minutes. Birth was gruesome (who's isn't?), and relationship with DP shot to pieces for most of the last 11 months.

So why, after a week of normal sleep, am I now yearning for another? Because my baby is slipping away? Because I have to go back to work next month?

So. Did you, didn't you, have another? Pros, cons? Am asking, really, as 39 this year, so don't have the luxury of leaving it a few years...

OP posts:

LadyThumb · 23/06/2011 19:22

Didn't ! One was enough for me.

faintpositive · 23/06/2011 19:25

Ds was 4 and at school.
It was only then that he started to sleep through the night. I couldnt even contemplate another as i was traumatised by ds, he was a very very difficult child.
I had a bit of me back and knew that dh really wanted another.
I was 37.
Im nearly 41 now, and we have been ttc for 4 years.
Had i known that we would struggle so, i would have started sooner.

drivingmisscrazy · 23/06/2011 19:28

for us I think it was (i) when DD started interacting with other children and we realised that this would be missing from her life (disclaimer: I am an only child and DP has 5 siblings, so we know the pros and cons of both!) and (ii) when I looked around the room at a family event and realised that DD was the sole child in whom hopes and expectations were invested. It seemed too much to expect her to take on (as it's turned out, she will now have at least one other cousin). But we are expecting DD2 in Nov - my DP is 41, conceived on 3rd go (donor insemination), so it can happen. DD1 also tricky sleeper...good luck whatever you do, either decision is fine as long as it is what you and your DP want for your family. You will come under relentless pressure from others if you only have one.

MixedClassBaby · 23/06/2011 19:28

Nothing helpful to add but I'm in a similar situation so will watch with interest.

Cookster · 23/06/2011 19:29

The moment I looked into DS1's eyes and knew he would live - when he was about three hours old.

Jojay · 23/06/2011 19:29

When D1 stated to walk, was a turning point for me - he wasn't a baby any more, and I was lucky, he was an angelic baby so I wanted another one

Ds2 came along 23 months after DS1. He was SO not an angelic baby but I got broody again when he was about 15 months - again, he was growing up and not a baby any more.

I had a miscarriage, but I'm now 34 wks pg with twins. That WILL be it! Broody feelings will be stamped on as they grow up!

HipHopOpotomus · 23/06/2011 19:31

The day I had baby %231. 3.5 years later baby 2 is here - hooray!

Stars82 · 23/06/2011 19:31

I'm in my 30's (ish), my DH is a bit old :) our DS is nearly 5. We always said prior to having any, that we always wanted two DC. I had a very sucessful pregnancy and a very straightforward birth, even if it was a c section. My DS was never the best sleeper despite being the happiest child I know (biased maybe :) ) I have no dramas with him now, eats, sleep and attends school with excellent reports but I have got to the stage where I honestly hand on heart don't think I could EVER go back to having another one now. I couldn't go back to the BF,nappies, sleepless nights etc etc

I don't believe my DS is lonely, he has a great network of friends in and out of school so I never felt the need to worry about that side.

The only thing I ever think I may regret in the very long run is never having a DD for later on in life. Maybe not for the teenage years but for later on in life as I am incredibly close to my mum.

Don't know if my opiniion/story will help with your decisions though :)

spookshowangel · 23/06/2011 19:32

never ...and i am now cooking number 4. its quite common at about 2 for the urge to kick in or when they start big school because you have more time and they are not babies any more. i would say that 11months is very early to be broody, most people are still in the fuck me what did i just do to my life stage

mrsbiscuits · 23/06/2011 19:32

I didn't, it was an accident.......but a lovely one and he's gorgeous :)

fuzzypicklehead · 23/06/2011 19:34

Umm... right about when I discovered I was 3 months gone with #2!

Assailant · 23/06/2011 19:35

Immediately after dc1 was born

headfairy · 23/06/2011 19:38

Ds was not even one when dh and I had the conversation. He'd said he didn't want another one so I ruthlessly plied him with wine when we were on holiday in the south of France one night and made all sorts of promises about how lovely our second child would be and that he/she would sleep brilliantly

We started ttc'ing as soon as we got back from that holiday, had mc in Oct at 7 weeks, ttc again straight away and second mc in Jan. Not being one to be put off easily (dh kept saying maybe it was fate ) Got pg again in late March, dd born New Year's eve '09.

Cons first (get the bad news out of the way) dd was (still is) a terrible sleeper, didn't sleep through for the first year, daytime naps were possibly 20 mins. No more. Ds not sleeping during the day any more so I was shattered with a capital SHHH. I'm only just getting over the shock of being so sleep deprived for about 15 months. I still have bad days, dd woke up at 5am today and I have to work until 10.30pm tonight.

Financially we've really suffered. I had to give up working flexible shifts which has cost me in the region of £16k a year. Our childcare costs have had to go up, and obviously food, nappies etc is more expensive. Also holidays are almost impossible now unless we drive.

Pros - dd is gorgeous. So lovely, pretty, God I could kiss her all day long. Her and her brother are starting to play together and sometimes it makes my heart burst with how sweet they are together.

kalo12 · 23/06/2011 19:38

when ds was 2 and had finally stopped breastfeeding, thats when i started getting my groove back and wanted to get off with my dh. But had 2 mcs so am only expecting my second (in two weeks) now ds is 3 and half. he didn't sleep through till he was over 3 though and still sleeps in my bed!

debka · 23/06/2011 19:41

Same here, immediately after I had DD1. Managed to wait till she was nearly 2 though.

superjobeespecs · 23/06/2011 19:42

my sister fell PG around DDs first birthday and i cried like a bitch because i wished it was me always wanted millions of wee sprogs running about 1 after the other but it didnt happen for us for a very long time. DD is 6 and we are 5 and a half months gone with DS. now im not so sure i want millions of wee ones or if DD and DS will be enough so im leaving it upto DHTB who thinks we should just 'see what happens'

sparkle12mar08 · 23/06/2011 19:43

About 15 minutes after giving birth to dc1. Genuinely. I knew I wanted to do it all again and that feeling never went away. So we went for the classic two year age gap, which I still feel was the right decision. After dc2 I got broody again very quickly too, but realised if it was going to be on the agenda we'd need a bigger gap, three years would have been perfect that time, but sadly we've decided to stop at two.

TeaMakesItBetter · 23/06/2011 19:43

A week ago when DS reached the ripe old age of...17 weeks .

After he was born I always said no, I think he's going to be an only child as it was difficult to get him in there (two miscarriages, one twins) and hard to get him out (v emergency c-sec could very easily have lost him if my MW's in community and at hospital weren't on the ball). I felt very blessed and like I didn't want to push my luck.

However...he's gorgeous, lovely, sleeps well most of the time and is very sweet natured. I know number 2 might be a complete nightmare but I've recently had cause to be around some very tiny babies and my god, I so want another one now.

Less selfishly I always thought it was really important to have a sibling so he's got someone to complain to me about/with.

PinkSchmoo · 23/06/2011 19:45

Just over 7 weeks ago when he was put in my arms for the first time.

mrsravelstein · 23/06/2011 19:47

i started to want number 2 when ds1 was 6. started to want number 3 when ds2 was 1. dd is 17 months and even if dh hadn't had a vasectomy, i don't think i'd ever be ready again

Dozer · 23/06/2011 19:48

During DD1s birth (unscheduled C-section), when high on the drugs, kept going on about wanting more children and telling the surgeon to do a good job. Even when sobered up wanted another two DCs as soon as possible.

But had so many problems having DD2 (recurrent mc) we thought DD1 might be an only child, and feel very lucky indeed to have two.

Am now broody again (DD2 is 10 months) but we're probably calling it a day as don't want to push our luck.

Notinmykitchen · 23/06/2011 19:48

I think I always knew I would want another one, took a while to convince DH though, been TTC #2 for a while now, hopefully will happen soon!

PinkSchmoo · 23/06/2011 19:52

Should say DS is extremely happy accident.

After DD I was not sure I would ever want no 2.

Everything has been easier, cope better with sleep deprivation, know what to expect and birth was a comparative doddle. Age gap is 2.1y.

Stars82 · 23/06/2011 19:52

oops meant to say that DH is older and not OLD lol :)

Selegas · 23/06/2011 19:55

My DD is 9 months old. Her birth was horrible (third degree tear), the midwives were horrible & the 'aftercare' was non existant. I had PND too.
However, DD is just perfect. She's just started sofa surfing. She's amazing and I know i'll go through it all again. Not for a while though!

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