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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so pissed off that my cousin and her 'fiance' are part of whats wrong with society?

159 replies

CrapBag · 21/06/2011 19:31

I'll be honest, I don't think teenage pregnancy is a good thing. I am the result of a teenage pregnancy and I am very bitter about it tbh. I had a really really shit life for the first few years and it has left with with a lot of emotional scars.

My 16 year old cousin met a bloke (he is 20) about 3-4 months ago. Within weeks she was engaged to him and living in his bedsit (with my aunts approval as she decided she couldn't stop her). Now my cousin is pregnant, it was planned. Neither of them work. His solution is to get a grant the are apparently going to be entitled to and his sister is moving out her of 2 bedroom council flat so he is going to try and get that.

Unfortunately I don't live in the same place as them as if I knew him I would tell him to get off his lazy ass, stop getting drunk and playing x box and get a fucking job. But no, they are perfectly happy to bring a baby into the world knowing full well they cannot support it. My cousin is very young for her years and the laziest person I know. She couldn't even handle that doll thing you can get from school that is suppose to be like a baby. She had it for one night and it cried loads and she tried to switch it off which didn't work so she just buried it under a load of blankets. I know it wasn't real but if she couldn't handle that for one night, what hope is she going to have of looking after a real baby that you can't stuff under some blankets when it won't stop crying.

I'm sure that there are people who had babies in their teens where it has turned out ok, but I know my cousin only too well. This isn't going to turn out well. He is only the latest in a long line of boys that she 'loves'.

It pisses me right off.

OP posts:
realhousewifeofdevoncounty · 21/06/2011 22:06

I feel sorry for your cousin. She just doesn't know any better because of the shit example her mum has set her. I was a bit of a dickhead when I was 16, as many teenagers are, but one thing I did not do was go out and get myself pregnant, as my parents had taught me to value myself and given me self-worth so I felt the world had more to offer me than a tattooed twunt of a boyfriend, a bedsit and a baby. I too think she needs some support and a bit of guidance.

littlemisssarcastic · 21/06/2011 22:07

i fink ya shud praise her tbh 4 wot she mite become, not shlag her off 4 wot shes already done. give give give dont mean she'll take take take does it Hmm

single 16yr old mums ftw Grin

realhousewifeofdevoncounty · 21/06/2011 22:09

Is that last post for real? Sorry but I don't understand it!

littlemisssarcastic · 21/06/2011 22:09

and ya forgetting OP that none of this is yr cousins fault, its all her mums fault or societys fault or some other reason. Same as none of this is the baby daddys fault, he prob got brought up bad by his mum and dad too. And none of this is the babys fault either, so they all not responsible but that aint the same as irresponsible dontcha know?

HowlingBitch · 21/06/2011 22:16

rolls eyes

AnneWiddecomesArse · 21/06/2011 22:16

Who made You Queen Op ?
Your judgey pants will split your difference and make you potentially infertile if (as I fear; the knickers meet no resistance when they meet brain matter).

Live your own life from the inside, instead of judging others from the outside

usualsuspect · 21/06/2011 22:20

babydaddy? who the fuck says babydaddy ?

tethersend · 21/06/2011 22:29

You did. Just now. Twice Grin

usualsuspect · 21/06/2011 22:36
Grin

Its because I live in a Jeremy Kyle world,I think

and stop saying dontcha know thats annoying as well

working9while5 · 21/06/2011 22:38

How ridiculous.

This situation sounds really crap for the baby that will be born into it. Not all teenaged mothers may be crap, but not all are in the same situation. Some grow up fast when the reality of being a mum hits home.

But it's not great, the OP has negative feelings about her own experiences as a result of having grown up in a similar set-up and hell yes, she judges.

So?

It's MN. They can't hear her. Why should she not feel a bit Hmm in the circumstances? It sounds rubbish. A lot of the research would say it often is rubbish. This is why the government spends money on preventing teen pregnancy.

HowlingBitch · 21/06/2011 22:47

OPs situation was a result of an abusive mother not a young one.

working9while5 · 21/06/2011 22:52

An abusive young mother, wasn't it?

And again, so what? The situation still sounds far from ideal. If you can't rant online about your feelings about these things, where can you? People have always thought negative things about the choices their family members' make. It's not that big a deal.

GreatScottWeDontNeedRoads · 21/06/2011 22:53

I had my ds at 17 and put myself through college while looking after him. I wasn't a wild teen anyways but he certainly made me grow up quickly.

You have said nothing nice about your cousin yet then you add your close? That makes no sense!

usualsuspect · 21/06/2011 22:54

If OP just wanted everyone to agree with her,she posted in the wrong place

tethersend · 21/06/2011 22:55

working9while5- ranting on the internet is all well and good, but be prepared for others to state their feelings too. It's AIBU.

tethersend · 21/06/2011 22:56

"If you can't rant online about your feelings about these things, where can you? "

Daily Mail?

working9while5 · 21/06/2011 23:09

I don't think that's a fair comparison.

The OP had a particular experience. She doesn't think this situation is likely to be good.

Are we really all so PC as to think that it's fantastic for a 16 year old in a 4 month old relationship living on benefits to have a baby? Just because others may have done it and done it fantastically, or because there are yummy mummies with Mercs in leafy suburbs doesn't change the fact it doesn't sound great.

Fair enough, people weigh in with their rants and AIBU is neither fair nor measured but still, it seems excessive in this instance.

tethersend · 21/06/2011 23:10

I can't find where anyone has said it's 'fantastic' Confused

usualsuspect · 21/06/2011 23:11

No one has said its fantastic to get pregnant at 16

most people have said the 16 year old needs some support ,do you disagree with that?

working9while5 · 21/06/2011 23:22

I don't think she needs support from this person, no.

She will need support, most probably. I don't know what supports she already has in her life - how her mum will be, what friends she has, this young dad, his mum.

The government spends quite a bit of money on supporting very young mothers in some areas and hopefully, now that she's pregnant, she will access what's available e.g. support to study etc.

However, realistically it would be better for society if this type of situation was less common so I am ambivalent about pouring scorn on someone for judging from afar. If the OP were to make her feelings clear to the young person, that would not be positive. As it is, I just can't feel outraged at her thinking it's a bit of a disaster based on the facts as outlined here.

M0naLisa · 21/06/2011 23:31

I got Ds, Es & Fs in my GCSEs doesnt mean i dont have a bad CV/work record/career etc etc

I can see where your coming from OP but theres not really alot you can do, if she isnt wiling to listen then your wasting your breath.

Also if this guy is a council tenant and in arrears there is no way on this earth that the council will let him have his relatives house by the council. Arrears have to be paid off before any home transfer happens. So unless her can pay off his rent debt then he is up shit creek without a paddle.

PLus councils dont work like that these days, he isnt classes as homeless, there are families out there that are homeless with children who are in more need of a home than someone who cant pay his rent already and isnt homeless.

Trust me i know!!!

HowlingBitch · 21/06/2011 23:31

I don't think anyone has said it is ideal. I was just shocked at

A) The stereotype of young mothers.
B) The way OP took the matter so personally and made the situation seem more gossip fueled rather than concern for her niece. and
C) The way she reacted when people dared disagree with her.

It all came across (ironically) very immature.

minipie · 22/06/2011 13:06

CrapBag

I think the reason your OP got such a bad reaction is that you're not really asking a question. You're really just setting out your cousin's situation and inviting us to go "ooh isn't it awful" with you. Which people don't like to do, even if they do think it's awful, because it's not constructive and for fear of sounding like the Daily Mail.

You'd get a much better reaction if you asked a constructive question like "How can I help her" or "Why do some teenage girls get into this situation and what can we do to stop it".

TheBigJessie · 22/06/2011 13:27

Sounds like it's a terrible relationship for your cousin, before we even think about the baby aspect.

She a immature 16 year old girl, with a 20 year old deadbeat, who is using her as an easel to practise tattooing? Sounds like this guy is manipulating a vulnerable person, to me.

People have called "Leave the tw@t" for less on here!

She needs support, but I don't know how you could achieve that.

BornThisWayBaby · 22/06/2011 13:35

Im sorry to hear about your first few years of life, but this wasn't because you were the result of a teen pregnancy, its because your mother was a shit parent nothing to do with age. I fell pregnant at 15 and like most TEEN mothers dont abuse my children thanks

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