to be so pissed off that my cousin and her 'fiance' are part of whats wrong with society?

[CrapBag]

I'll be honest, I don't think teenage pregnancy is a good thing. I am the result of a teenage pregnancy and I am very bitter about it tbh. I had a really really shit life for the first few years and it has left with with a lot of emotional scars.

My 16 year old cousin met a bloke (he is 20) about 3-4 months ago. Within weeks she was engaged to him and living in his bedsit (with my aunts approval as she decided she couldn't stop her). Now my cousin is pregnant, it was planned. Neither of them work. His solution is to get a grant the are apparently going to be entitled to and his sister is moving out her of 2 bedroom council flat so he is going to try and get that.

Unfortunately I don't live in the same place as them as if I knew him I would tell him to get off his lazy ass, stop getting drunk and playing x box and get a fucking job. But no, they are perfectly happy to bring a baby into the world knowing full well they cannot support it. My cousin is very young for her years and the laziest person I know. She couldn't even handle that doll thing you can get from school that is suppose to be like a baby. She had it for one night and it cried loads and she tried to switch it off which didn't work so she just buried it under a load of blankets. I know it wasn't real but if she couldn't handle that for one night, what hope is she going to have of looking after a real baby that you can't stuff under some blankets when it won't stop crying.

I'm sure that there are people who had babies in their teens where it has turned out ok, but I know my cousin only too well. This isn't going to turn out well. He is only the latest in a long line of boys that she 'loves'.

It pisses me right off.

gateway benefit.....income support/jobseekers...gives instant access to free sch meals/grants/budgeting loans/free prescriptions etc etc

Tattoos as well now ....

Brian I can't cook for them, I don't live near them. I have tried to give my cousin advice in the past about different things. You can't tell her anything and it will be the same when she is a mother. She will do exactly what she wants and won'ty listen. She is just like her mother, the more you try to help and give advice, the more she will do the total opposite. I would say its because shes a teenager but my aunt is in her 50s and is still like it.

FFS!!!! I also have a couple of tattoos. I don't give a damn about them but he is making her look awful. He isn't even qualified. Its the fact that she is letting him practice on her and she is the one who is going to have to live with them. He has done a smiley face with a fag hanging out its mouth on her leg. This was a few weeks ago and she is already talking about getting one done over it so she clearly doesn't like it.

You don't think teenage pregnancy is a good thing? Seems to me you have this opinion purely because of your own experiences!!

My friend is 21 and has 3 children, is married and studying for a degree at University, so don't tar everyone with the same brush!!

You'd be better advised getting off your fucking high horse and offering some support, rather than coming on here and bleating about it!!

Get a grip!

Personally, I think planning a baby at 16 IS stupid. Are these posters who are leaping to the defence of the OP's cousin suggesting it's a perfectly fine life choice? And they'd be happy with their daughters making it (with someone they'd been with for 4 months?).

Obviously, of course, clearly this family will need support. In real life the OP may well give it. The cousin may well rise to the occasion. But OP's entitled to say that she thinks her cousin is being stupid.

Someone started a thread a few weeks ago saying she wanted a baby but she knew she would have to go on benefits if she did. She got SLATED. She got told she didn't deserve a child if she couldn't support it. And she was 30, I think.

Sometimes I don't understand MN.

Seems to me she needs support. Surely since you have so many opinions on how she should be doing things, you could try that approach?

But OP, never mind how and why they got themselves in this situation - the whole thing sounds terrible for the baby! Are they going to look after the baby at all? Don't waste time disapproving, I would inform the social services if you have genuine concerns about their ability to look after their baby.

No one has said its a perfectly fine choice

Sorry for having an opinion based on my own very negative experience. Excuse me for that. I'll just change my whole opinion right now then, never mind what happened in my past and what I have had to learn to live with. I'll just accept it all and totally embrace this situation.

Ok, fair enough you can't cook for them, I didn't mean them all literally, they were just examples. So what can you do? Find courses in their area for them and pass on the details? Get them some baby clothes/necessities from an NCT sale?

You get the point? Just try and make sure that the baby doesn't suffer. You never know they may surprise you anyway and pull their fingers out once the baby is born

crapbag other then denigrate this young couple, you have said nothing useful that hasn't been said before.

Are you sad for cousin, perhaps would have wanted different circumstance for her? Perhaps, but thats not coming through.

Do you intend to help this couple? Im sure your cousin would love your support. Who knows maybe her partner would come to see you as a good place to go for advise.

Imagine your pride in a few years seeing a young family, odds statistically stacked against them, doing a good job with their kids, and knowing your advise over the years had helped.You havn't come here to seek strategies to help, just like minded tutters. Really get over your self, it's boring.

CrapBag I agree. There are indeed some people who have children and never ever think about how they will support that child.

Those individuals strongly believe they have no personal reponsibility to look after their offsprings, and they believe that the state should look after them.
I think ultimately, the issue is the refusal to take responsiblity.

Iheartkingthistle That is EXACTLY what I thought. People on here who say they can't afford to have a child but have one anyway get jumped on. Thank you for your post.

TPKW if its so boring then why are you still here.

For someone who 'doesn't give a damn about them' You seem to know an awful lot of their business and are awfully opinionated about it.

sounds like a disaster waiting to happen OP - all you can do is hope that she might fall so in love with her baby that she'll be an amazing mum but based on the facts you've given it sounds unlikely.No sensible, responsible person plans a pregnancy when they cannot support their child, are living on benefits, and in a 3 month old relationship. Anyone who tries to deny that is being deliberately disingenuous.

The reality is they don't really sound as if they'll make great parents.You know your cousin, the posters on here don't. I hope for their baby's sake they get it together.

Ps I'm sure half the posters on here agree with you but some of them are so full of pent up aggression they'll argue black is white and dress it up as being open minded and PC.I'm sure you will support your cousin as best you can but you are allowed an opinion!

I don't give a damn about tattoos, just when my cousin lets him practice on her.

I see, I think Canada has that now too, it is 100.00 a month per child.
Anyone with a child under 6 can receive it regardless of income, if I understand it. They didn't have it when my kids were little. Only Family Allowance, (around 30.00 a month when I received it)which again, all parents received regardless of income. Lot's of people save it towards their kids college fee's.
Sorry to go off topic, I just wondered.
And I do agree in this day and age, with internet, and the way some people post everything on facebook, you can have a relationship with your cousin regardless of distance.
Is she staying in school?

She has said she wants no part in supporting her

I heart King Thistle- Sometimes I don't understand MN.

I do, sadly. People disagree with others just so they can get a fight - they'll disagree with anything just to let out all their anger, that's why they come on here. I come on here now and then and have never seen such a bunch of angry vicious women.

"No sensible, responsible person plans a pregnancy when they cannot support their child, are living on benefits, and in a 3 month old relationship"

Exactly but most people seemed to have completely missed that point. It doesn't matter as long as I support them apparently.