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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so pissed off that my cousin and her 'fiance' are part of whats wrong with society?

159 replies

CrapBag · 21/06/2011 19:31

I'll be honest, I don't think teenage pregnancy is a good thing. I am the result of a teenage pregnancy and I am very bitter about it tbh. I had a really really shit life for the first few years and it has left with with a lot of emotional scars.

My 16 year old cousin met a bloke (he is 20) about 3-4 months ago. Within weeks she was engaged to him and living in his bedsit (with my aunts approval as she decided she couldn't stop her). Now my cousin is pregnant, it was planned. Neither of them work. His solution is to get a grant the are apparently going to be entitled to and his sister is moving out her of 2 bedroom council flat so he is going to try and get that.

Unfortunately I don't live in the same place as them as if I knew him I would tell him to get off his lazy ass, stop getting drunk and playing x box and get a fucking job. But no, they are perfectly happy to bring a baby into the world knowing full well they cannot support it. My cousin is very young for her years and the laziest person I know. She couldn't even handle that doll thing you can get from school that is suppose to be like a baby. She had it for one night and it cried loads and she tried to switch it off which didn't work so she just buried it under a load of blankets. I know it wasn't real but if she couldn't handle that for one night, what hope is she going to have of looking after a real baby that you can't stuff under some blankets when it won't stop crying.

I'm sure that there are people who had babies in their teens where it has turned out ok, but I know my cousin only too well. This isn't going to turn out well. He is only the latest in a long line of boys that she 'loves'.

It pisses me right off.

OP posts:
Original poster
CrapBag · 21/06/2011 20:11

I am actually concerned about the baby. How dare you imply that I am not. Angry

As the result of a teen pregnancy that has had a huge impact on my life, my ONLY concern is for the welfare of the child.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 21/06/2011 20:12

op seems to know a hell of a lot yet doesnt live nearbyHmm

second hand info already tainted with someone elses views,passed on and embelished further.....

BluddyMoFo · 21/06/2011 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iscream · 21/06/2011 20:14

I didn't know that one part of a married couple could claim benefits if the other one worked? Why is that? Can any married couple do that, or only people who are below the poverty level with the one income and their particular family situation?

Anyways...I understand your need to vent about the situation, if you are close to her anyways. However your cousin may surprise you. Unless she puts the baby up for adoption which it sounds like she won't be doing, criticizing her won't do a thing. You may as well try and guide her.

usualsuspect · 21/06/2011 20:14

If you are that concerned then maybe a bit of support would help her?

Original poster
CrapBag · 21/06/2011 20:15

TPKW I have reported you. Do not swear at me thank you.

I know what I mean and what I think. I am not benefit bashing. I claim the bloody things myself. Clearly no one is going to listen to that so I am leaving it.

Thanks for nothing.

I have seen other threads where people don't flame like this but would understand where my point of view is from.

OP posts:
Original poster
CrapBag · 21/06/2011 20:16

iscream I'm not on jobseekers or income support.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 21/06/2011 20:16

you mean you get child benefit etc....not the 'gateway benefits'

Original poster
CrapBag · 21/06/2011 20:16

ILT just because I don't live near them, doesn't mean I don't know things. There are other ways to communicate you know.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 21/06/2011 20:17

maybe all the other benefit bashers have hopefully fucked off

JamieAgain · 21/06/2011 20:17

CrapBag - I can see why you are so frustrated and angry with them I think I would be too. But I suppose that you could make an impact on this child by helping her mum, if she'll let you.

Original poster
CrapBag · 21/06/2011 20:17

No, not just child benefit.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 21/06/2011 20:17

i said etc.....

JamieAgain · 21/06/2011 20:18

Also, she might surprise you when the baby arrives. Hope so.

GypsyMoth · 21/06/2011 20:18

other ways to communicate ??
facebook statuses then??

HowlingBitch · 21/06/2011 20:18

Have you been possessed by Jeremy Kyle? You sound like a very bitter unhappy person OP. How sad.

Original poster
CrapBag · 21/06/2011 20:21

Maybe I am a very bitter and unhappy person. Sorry for having a shit life. I'll just fuck off now then since no one is listening and this ISN'T a benefit bashing thread.

OP posts:
minipie · 21/06/2011 20:22

The OP isn't benefit bashing.

She's bashing her cousin and fiance's particular behaviour.
She's bashing teenage mothers (with caveat that there may be exceptions).
She's bashing people who have a child without being able to support the child or themselves financially.
She's bashing people who have a child when they don't seem remotely capable of looking after a child.
She's bashing people who have no intention of getting a job and instead intend to rely on state support.

This is not the same as bashing all people who rely on state benefits.

ThePathanKhansWoman · 21/06/2011 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

GypsyMoth · 21/06/2011 20:23

we are all listening op......but really,this is their lives you are disecting here. it makes nasty reading

many a 16 year ols will have brought up a baby of their own sucessfully!! you cant judge what kind of mum she will make by how she managed a doll!!!

Original poster
CrapBag · 21/06/2011 20:24

Thank you minipie at least you and Jamie seem to understand where I am coming from. Smile

TPKW do go away if you have nothing useful to add.

OP posts:
BrianAndHisBalls · 21/06/2011 20:25

what's a 'gateway benefit'?

I understand that the situation isn't ideal, but if you're concerned about the baby then think about ways you can help them. You can't 'undo' the pregnancy and you want the baby to have a happy, secure life right? So what can you do to help that happen?

You could make and freeze meals for them for when the baby is born and they have no time to cook, you could buy them a mumsnet guide or other pregnancy/birth/baby book, you could try to get them counselling or parenting classes at a local youth organisation. You could give them the number of Sure Start and encourage them to talk to them?

HowlingBitch · 21/06/2011 20:25

Why on earth did you post this? You clearly think you are right. That's fine but stop expecting everyone to agree with you and throw a huge tantrum when they don't. What a drama queen.

Original poster
CrapBag · 21/06/2011 20:26

Its not just a doll. I know my cousin all too well. I don't know her 'fiance' but from things that have been said, its not good. He is controlling, won't let her out of his sight, etc. This all seems to have happened so quickly that I really believe he planned it this way. My cousin is also letting him practise his tattooing on her. He wants to tattoo a sleave on her, has already done 1 at the top of her arm but hasn't finished. I have no doubt she will let hom do what he wants.

OP posts:
BrianAndHisBalls · 21/06/2011 20:28

Then can you do things to raise her self esteem op? To show her she doesn't need to be with someone thats controlling? It would be better to help rather than let her and her dc (potentially) become another DV statistic.

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