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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why lesbians go for women that look like men?

453 replies

carriedababi · 19/06/2011 23:19

surely if you fancy women you'd want to go out with a woman that looked like \ woman not a man.
nothing against gay/lesbians at all.

but this seems a bit strange to me

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 19/06/2011 23:33

school

michglas · 19/06/2011 23:34

Sorry Carrie, i know a lot of gay couples and there are a few where both are camp, just as i know loads that aren't but it isn't so rare to get 2 camp guys as a couple.

ScaredyDog · 19/06/2011 23:34

I think you'll find as well that you're "recognising" a lesbian couple in the street because one or both are quite butch.

You don't recognise the many other lesbian couples who look (on a sliding scale of femininity) like any other couple of women in a pub/bar/restaurant/ walking along any given street together.

It's your stereotypical prejudices blinding you to the bigger picture.

hobbgoblin · 19/06/2011 23:34

Great posts from Hester and animula I think

TheSecondComing · 19/06/2011 23:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeadfirstForHalos · 19/06/2011 23:35

A sensible question?

It's akin to asking, "Why do women go for men that look like women (effeminate)?

I like quite "manly" men, but other women I know go for the metrosexual look :)

HeadfirstForHalos · 19/06/2011 23:36

I mean, seriously, why does anyone go for anyone? It's personal taste!

Goblinchild · 19/06/2011 23:37

You obviously don't live in Brighton then OP, there are as many variations on lesbian relationships as gay male or hetrosexual.
Perhaps you need to leave the village a bit more and see the world?

Original poster
carriedababi · 19/06/2011 23:37

yes i did ask her one night when we where pissed, and she just said, i don't know and said she asks herself the same question
she did not seem at all offended by my asking
although shes very open about tell me allsorts of things her and her gf get up to!

i've been to quite a few gay bars with this friend too.

OP posts:
yousankmybattleship · 19/06/2011 23:37

Corrie - you are an idiot. It may surprise you to know that lesbians are attracted to all sorts of women. Just as heterosexual women are attracted to all sorts of men.

MitchiestInge · 19/06/2011 23:42

"although shes very open about tell me allsorts of things her and her gf get up to!"

at least you won't be following up with 'aibu to wonder what lesbians do in bed'

DogsBestFriend · 19/06/2011 23:43

hester, who I gather to be a lesbian, wrote: "(I am less so, but still: long hair, face full of make-up, nice frock collection.)"

I rarely wear make up unless going out somewhere that merits it these days, have short hair and am forever in jeans.

That kinda screws your theory, doesn't it Carri? :o

StayFrosty · 19/06/2011 23:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScaredyDog · 19/06/2011 23:44

I'll never forget the night I was ready to throw off my previously heterosexual existence for a stunning girl, dressed as if she'd just stepped out of a Deep South evangelical Sunday service in a pretty dress and sandals, who took a shine to me while on a night out at a gay club.

I danced with her and she was just amazing looking and a lovely person. If we'd been seen together anywhere other than where we were, I suppose to people like OP we'd just look like a couple of friends on a night out.

PotPourri · 19/06/2011 23:44

or blondes, or brunettes, or tall or small, or freckly or funny. There isn't a reason. It just is - surely

DogsBestFriend · 19/06/2011 23:44

PS I meant to add that I'm not a lesbian! :o

Hatesponge · 19/06/2011 23:44

I thought this was a joke Hmm

I know several straight women who are very masculine in appearance, whereas in fact none of my gay friends look like that.

Is the OP just assuming these women are lesbians because they look like men?!

FabbyChic · 19/06/2011 23:45

They don't all go for lady boys. I prefer those who look like women. But then Im hetrosexual.

Doesn't hurt to appreciate a good looking woman though.

Original poster
carriedababi · 19/06/2011 23:45

lol gawd no, i know exactley what goes on in that department lol

we have been friends our whole lives since we were kids so, nothing is area for out of discussion

OP posts:
garlicnutter · 19/06/2011 23:47

I know you've had many better answers, but - what planet are you on? Haven't you ever heard of "lipstick lesbians" as the press call them? Or Jodie Foster, whose girlfriends have not been exactly butch?

TheArmadillo · 19/06/2011 23:47

I've mostly had boyfriends that are reasonably feminine looking (very slim, long hair etc etc) in fact most spent their teenage years being mistaken for girls at first glance. One was a cross dresser. My dh used to until he shaved his head and grew a beard.

However they are still men and not women, despite being feminine men. They, to put it crudely, still have cocks and can father children. Most of my friends have similar preferences coincidentally (though not all). I don't find women sexually attractive whether masculine or feminine looking. I can find masculine men attractive but its not my preference.

I assume this is the same for anyone (female or male) who prefers more masculine women - they may prefer someone who is e.g. tall, broad shouldered, strong chin, short hair etc but they still want them to be female (i.e. have breasts and female genetalia).

If you are straight OP do you find 'butch' women sexually attractive and if not can't you understand that presumably you identifying them sexually as women is also what those finding them attractive are doing.

Carminaburana · 19/06/2011 23:49

She's not an idiot - she's asking why some lesbians are attracted to women who look like men - it's a perfectly reasonable question.
If it wasn't - every lesbian would look very girly - they don't - so clearly lots of lesbians like women who look like men -
I'm not a psychologist so I can't answer the question

Original poster
carriedababi · 19/06/2011 23:49

actually i guess the posts that make the most sense, to me anyhow!
are they ones that say well "why does anyone go for anyone? It's personal taste!"

OP posts:
TakeMeDrunkImHome · 19/06/2011 23:51

My good friend and her wife would disagree. They are both very feminine women. Who look like...well..feminine women. Some lesbians do like a butch (for want of a better word) looking woman and some don't. Same as some straight women like butch men (I'm thinking that fella from DIY SOS, phwoar) and some like the skinny whippet girly types like.....for example, David Tennant Shock. Sorry DT fans.

hester · 19/06/2011 23:56

Although I prefer feminine-looking women, I'll tell you what is great about a great butch: the very fact that they don't give a toss about questions like yours. Of course some butches are good-looking, stylish, dress well, etc, but the real strength of their erotic power lies in their confidence in a world that just doesn't get them, their refusal to kowtow to conventional ideas of what an attractive woman looks like, their confidence in their own sexual identity.

Among conventionally attractive, 'passing' lesbians - like me, and most of my friends - you sometimes find an attitude that butch lesbians are our dirty laundry, the ones who somehow let the side down because the wider world despises them. I think this is so, so wrong. Butch lesbians are so brave, so pioneering. All women should honour them, whether or not they fancy them.